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Feeling like a terrible mum... Advice?

(16 Posts)
LucySmith1990 Sat 16-May-15 22:44:48

Hi, my name is Lucy, and I'm 25 years old. When I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon! My partner and I were trying for a few months without really holding out any hope, (I have endometriosis so it was a long shot,) but on the 9th of September our daughter was born. I've never been happier!! And for the first few months, I felt like I was doing really well, and I was getting a lot of positive feedback from my family about how well Ellie and I were coping. But now she's 8 months old, and it seems like everywhere I turn there are people telling me I'm not doing enough, or not doing it right. But no one tells me how to do things right? I feel like I'm letting my little angel down. She's not started solids properly yet, she's not crawling yet... The list of 'nots' is a lot longer than I can type. But she isn't my only responsibility, (although to me she is the most important,) I have 2 dogs, one of which has just had 5 puppies, and so they need walked at least once a day, the pups are on solids and need fed 9 times a day, I keep the house clean by hoovering, mopping, steam cleaning, carpet shampooing, (with two dogs I don't feel safe letting Ellie play on the floor without cleaning thoroughly first,) pretty much daily. And then there's the never ending pile of dirty clothes and ironing to do. My partner works 5+ days a week, but because he's in bar work he's out of the house 17 hours each day some days. So when he gets home it's 4/5 in the morning. I feel like I don't play with Ellie enough as I'm trying to keep on top of everything. My partner often says he wishes he "could just sit on the couch all day, watching TV" and that just makes me feel worse. I don't know what to do, and would really appreciate some advice from other mums on how to play with and encourage an 8 month old baby, and advice on weaning too, as everything I try she either throws up and weeps or she spits it out and screams the house down!

Thanks in advance for any help given.

Lucy. smile

gamerchick Sat 16-May-15 22:49:50

Just one read says you have far far too much on your plate and I hope the sitting watching TV all day isn't a dig by your partner? hmm

Weaning ok.. Up till they're one food is all about taste and textures they still get most of their nutrition from milk so don't worry there.

What help are you getting with the rest of your workload?

Roseybee10 Sat 16-May-15 22:51:51

Who is telling you that you're not doing enough??

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Please don't worry about milestones. My dd1 didn't crawl til almost 8 months and she was quite early with things so I don't think that's late to crawl at all.

Also remember that food before one is just for fun. She'll be getting all her nutrients from milk still. My dd took really well to weaning but it wasn't until she was about 13 months that she seemed to really be eating solids 'properly'.

Letmegetanamechange Sat 16-May-15 22:55:14

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment! I'm sure someone more helpful will be along with better advice than I can give, but I would say don't listen to all these people who tell you you're not doing enough! Sod them, their opinion doesn't even matter.

My LO didn't crawl until she was 13 months and at 21 months she isn't walking (although cruising around like a ninja!) With the solids, all babies are different. As long as she's getting food offered to her and isn't starving (which of course she isn't!) take it as it comes. My DN will eat anything in sight, always has from when he first started having solids. My dd on the other hand has a small appetite and sometimes still refuses meals I give her.

Did your partner imply that all you do is "sit on the settee watching tv all day?" If so, he is a PRICK. He clearly doesn't appreciate everything you're doing at home (2 dogs, 5 pups and your baby on top of running a household?! How about you ask him to swap for a week and see if he's still singing the same tune wink)

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 16-May-15 22:56:07

5 puppies and a baby? shock

I have one kitten and 2 children and that's enough to make me cry some days.

I'm sure you are doing fine. relax. As Gamer says weaning is about new tastes and textures at this stage. You could try some finger foods like toast slices with mashed banana.

I never spoon fed dd2, I just shoved the bowl in front of her and left her to it, she mostly played with it, but she got there in the end.

RabbitSaysWoof Sat 16-May-15 22:58:46

Agree with all the others.
Maybe you could look at for a dog lover to help out with the walks.

Superexcited Sat 16-May-15 23:01:19

My youngest didn't crawl at all, he just started walking at 10 months. Not all babies crawl so don't feel bad about that.
You are doing a lot more than me each day so don't feel lazy. Next time your OH has a couple of days off work leave him for a day with the list of things that you normally do do that he can try (and probably fail) to do it all,
You sound like you are doing great so go easy on yourself.

cestlavielife Sat 16-May-15 23:07:44

Get some help with the dogs so you can focus on the baby.
Ask hv about feeding but just keep trying different foods don't stress.
Go out to baby groups.

Ignore your partner if he makes those comments.

Chip86 Sat 16-May-15 23:13:53

You sound like you are doing fine, you have a lot on your plate.
As the others have said food before 1 is fun so don't stress. And the fact she is not crawling don't worry, I bet she is advanced at something else, like talking or pincer grip, all babies are diffrent and work on what interests them.
Can you corner off a space for your DD to play that the dogs can't get to, so you don't have to hoover and shampoo everyday?
Might cut out some of the stress

Loveleopardprint Sat 16-May-15 23:30:51

Hi. Just wanted to add my support. I have two teenage DDs. One of them never crawled properly but just slid around on the laminate. The other did not wean properly til 20 months and would gag in everything. They are now normal(ish) teenagers! You will get there and at each stage there are things that you cry over or worry about. Just take note of any useful advice and ignore the bragging interfering others. She will be fine.

Now puppies and partners are less easy to train. Just try to enjoy your baby and sod the ironing. It will still be there tomorrow.

Good luck and look after yourself too

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 16-May-15 23:37:17

I really wouldn't bother shampooing the carpet daily.

My sister is currently sat in my parents with half a dozen free range birds and her newborn and toddler son.

The toddler son lived there as a newborn and he's doing just fine.

Cleaning is not high on anyone's agenda in that house, despite the free range birds and ill trained dogs.

A quick hoover and spot clean any puppy accidents as they happen and you'll be fine.

You are cleaning too much.

In the nicest, least patronising way possible I want to ask if you are okay? A chat with your GP might help.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sat 16-May-15 23:41:37

FWIW, it sounds as though you are doing just fine.

Your baby will develop at her own pace - they all do. DS1 wouldn't eat 'baby food' at all. He didn't like the texture (not that I knew at the time). He went straight from milk to sandwiches & roast dinners!

DD didn't like milk. From the day she tasted her first food (6 months) to this (age almost 4), she has utterly refused to drink milk. I was the same apparently - although my DM always insisted I "gave up" milk at 10 weeks! TBF, I can't even smell milk now, let alone taste it.

My point being all babies & toddlers are different. So long as you have a happy, well nourished child you are not doing it wrong!

ch1134 Sun 17-May-15 07:55:57

Not crawling at 8 months is normal (though does she get much of a chance if you're always cleaning the carpet?). My son didn't eat solids properly till about 9-10 months. He is fine and eats well now at 16 months. If you're finding it all too much though, you need to let go of some of the dogs and focus on your baby. She's the priority.

LittleLionMansMummy Sun 17-May-15 10:56:42

8 months isn't late to be crawling at all. Ds didn't sit up till 6/7 months and eventually crawled (properly) at 9 months. As for weaning, just slowly introduce solids when you have no holidays planned and have time to give to it. As someone else has said, it's all about introducing tastes and textures at that age and they should still be getting most calories from milk. If your dd is thriving, putting on weight and happy then you're doing just fine and can ignore others. Maybe try to cut down on cleaning and get some help with the dogs. Will you be rehoming them when they're old enough?

proudmama2772 Sun 17-May-15 12:03:54

As for weening, one thing that helped was this little - I don't know what you call it blush

you can put something solid in it - like peaches or something - and it has like a net around it and they can suck on it. Once they are used to the taste it's easier to get them to eat.

With mine, I had to wait until they were hungry before I introduce a new food.

My mum used to come to my house and tell me how messy my house was when I had a baby, worked full time and hubby who traveled. My hubby was less critical after he had spent a full day on his own with baby. Don't let other people's viewpoints upset you. Just enjoy your baby.

Savagelove Sun 17-May-15 16:31:15

hey hun. firstly, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!! Your not a bad mum, your trying your best ajnd if people really are judging you, it just shows what bad parents they are anyway!! how can people be parents if they teach babys to judge what they dont know.
I understand about the animal thing. I have the same issue. 2 dogs, 2 cats, 7 rats, snakes etc!!! we have a house zoo here!!!! constant cleaning etc... it seems hard at first to see a point where your not cleaning and playing with baby. But it does work. Its nothing to do with me about your housin situation but i only hope that you have a kitchen or room big enough toi put the dogs in for 3ish hours a day. maybe after a morning walk while they eat breakky and have a nap??
I hated doing this to my dogs for a few months but nowadays at night time she stays in the kitchen, com,es out for half hour, gets a walk, foor anouther hour she goes in the kitchen and so on. i also have a double duvet that i put a cover on and fold into 4 and lay my lo on every time.... so its extra protection if i miss a hair or 2.
with the weaning, inly mum knows best. when your feeding, how is it. to you, does she seem to not like it, how is she sitting when shes eating, or is she just throwing her toys out of her pram becuase she wants milk and she wont stop moaning til ive got mummy around my lil finger.

Hun please stay strong!!! your doing so great!!!!! and not to be rude, if you wasnt doing well, and if you wernt doing enough. you wouldnt have her with you njow would you. your an amazing person, your doing your best, all the right things and your the only strong women thats around that lil girl daily. shes gunna learn that strong mental streak from you#!!!!!!!!!

mesage me if ya need ta!!! hiugs xxxx

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