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Can I give son my partners surname?

(16 Posts)
Jenny1231990 Fri 15-May-15 15:02:58

Hi all, after some advice. Me and my partner have been together since my little boy was 3 he's now 6, 7 in November.
He took my son on as his own and they are the best of friends.
We have a 1 year old daughter and are awaiting the arrival of our 3rd any time now.
My son knows we are going to get married, and knows that I will then have the same surname as daddy and the girls, he also wants to marry daddy so he can have the same name.
He doesn't really understand that he isn't his bio father, he doesn't see his at all. Sometimes he calls him daddy other times he calls him by his name. We've left this up to him and whatever he feels comfortable with.
He said he would like the same name as his sisters.
So I'm not sure how I would go about this, does anyone have any advice? He doesn't have bio dad's surname, he has my maiden name.
His bio dad isn't on his birth certificate either.
We would like my OH to adopt him but not sure how we go about this.

Could I change his names with school and so on without doing anything legally for now? Only because he brings this up quite regularly so it's obviously on his mind. Thanks

morethanpotatoprints Fri 15-May-15 15:08:17

First of all you can change the surname by deed poll I believe.
If you contact your local registry office, they will advise, this is what my dsis did.

To adopt a child I believe you would contact ss and you need the permission of the bio father, for obvious reasons.
My dsis also tried to have her dp adopt her dd, but the bio father wouldn't agree.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 15-May-15 15:10:43

Sorry, missed your last bit.
No, it has to be done legally, you can't just change a name.
At home you can call your dc what you like, but anything official needs to be done by law.
You have proof then in the form of a certificate to change the name at school, gps, dentist, passport, birth certificate etc.

KatyN Fri 15-May-15 16:58:38

If the bio father isn't on the birth certificate it is simpler for your partner to adopt him. I don't know who you contact but a good friend is in a similar situation to you and is arranging for her partner to adopt her daughter

Shedding Fri 15-May-15 17:45:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 15-May-15 18:12:54


Does the father not have to give permission then.
My dsis didn't put her dds name on birth certificate, even though the bio father was not in their life or paying maintenance they still found him and he had to give permission, which he declined.
I'm sure ss found and contacted him. I don't know what they would do if there was an argument about paternity though, or if the df couldn't be found.

Jackieharris Fri 15-May-15 18:21:25

Yes, if his bio father isn't on the bc then he has no pr so you can call DS whatever you want!

Do t get ripped off by these official looking deed poll companies that try to charge you.

You can just download a form. Get someone to witness you signing it then give copies of this to school/gp etc. Itdoesn't cost anything.

Jenny1231990 Sat 16-May-15 08:36:38

Thank you for all replies. I assumed I wouldn't have to ask permission due to his bio dad not being on the cert, and having no involvement in his life.
Ideally I would like his passport and all documents updated with my partners surname.
So where would I go to do this?
Not via deed poll?
Or would it be easier to adopt,would he then automatically have my other halfs name then?
I know I can't just change my sons name but was told I could ask for instance at school for him to be known as. But il leave it and do it properly so save confusion.

winsomewitch Sat 16-May-15 08:47:36

We used this company to change DDs name when she turned 11.

They sent out the paperwork, we had it witnessed and signed by one of the neighbours then handed a copy to the G.Ps surgery who issued a new medical card which was easy, contacted her bank and child benefit office who updated records once they had photocopied the original deedpoll.

It was all much easier than we thought but i would advise buying a few extra copies of the certificate because you'll be surprised how many people need to see it when you first do the change and some dont return it which is annoying.

Jenny1231990 Sat 16-May-15 08:54:15

Fab winsomewitch sounds easier than I thought. Sorry to keep asking questions but can your dd have her new name on her passport with that certificate from deed poll. Thanks.

winsomewitch Sat 16-May-15 12:11:03

Yes she can, we sent off her Birth certificate and a certified copy of the deedpoll and filled in the application with her new name.

Its very simple smile

LaLyra Sat 16-May-15 14:11:17

Your best bet is to speak to a local family solicitor. You being the only person with PR makes it a slightly easier process.

you should look into step-parent adoption and step-parent parental responsibility and see if they are better options than just changing his name (you don't need a deed poll to do that btw - a letter from a solicitor stating that from x date y will be known as z, copy of the birth cert showing you are the only one with PR and a copy of your marriage cert will be all that most places need, you'd need to check with the passport office what they accept as they may insist on deed poll even though they shouldn't as you can call yourself whatever you like as long as you don't intend to defraud).

I have PR for my step-son, my DH has it for my twin DDs. We decided against adoption because it's a very long process, it's a very invasive process (fair enough, but not for us) and severs all legal links with the birth family which we didn't want. Be aware that for adoption they still will, if they can find him, want to speak to the biological father for an adoption, even if he's not on the birth certificate.

Fatstacks Sat 16-May-15 14:19:56

Deed poll is just for the name, you can be anything, Princess Leia or Pingu grin

Adoption assumes parental responsibility including financial responsibility, even in the event of a divorce, so it's very different.

If it's just so everyone has matching names deed poll is fine and completely legal.

MrsSquirrel Sat 16-May-15 14:58:05

Once you and dp are married, you can do a parental responsibility agreement. I have done it for my dd. It is much easier and less intrusive than step-parent adoption, but would still give your by-then-dh parental responsibility for ds. No need for involvement of social workers or bio dad, you go to a court with various paperwork and have the court clerk witness your signatures. That link I posted explains the procedure.

Lonz Sun 17-May-15 20:26:45

My mum changed my name (from dad to hers) at school when I was younger, and anything else from then on, then got it changed officially by deed poll when I was 16. The school doesn't need proof (back then they didn't anyway).

I don't know. I wouldn't be comfortable (whether daddy is in the picture or not) for a lot of reasons. Me and my son will forever remain to have the same surname.

Suiiening Mon 10-Aug-15 21:45:14

If you just want to change your sons surname I believe you have to do so with the Social Security Administration and they will issue him a new card. If you guys are still interested in step-parent adoption I can give you a good resource for that. We used this company last year and it was pretty easy considering the fact that the bio dad wasn't on the birth certificate. They did have to locate him but he gave away his rights. I'm sure if they couldn't locate him they would go about the abandonment process. Here's the website here I hope it helps your family.

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