Mum to daughter 'Advice for Life'

(23 Posts)
butterfly73 Sun 10-May-15 15:50:10

Please hrlp - what are those golden nuggets of information for growing up passed from your mum to you, and you will pass to your daughter? I grew up in a male dominated household and missed out on all those detailed mother daughter secrets, and I'm determind my own daughter will grown up with the self esteem and body confidence that i never had. So please help - everything from practical tips on hair removal, gorgeous skin and intimate personal hygiene etc, to advice for inner strength and confidence - she deserves for me to help her be the best she can be.

MoonlightandMusic Sun 10-May-15 17:35:46

Well, I don't have anything specific, but you might find this thread of use.
Or this one.

glittertits Sun 10-May-15 17:37:11

Never have children with a man you wouldn't be happy to have a son exactly like.

Was a pearl of wisdom from my own mum.

fiveacres Sun 10-May-15 17:56:56

I didn't have any.

Don't leave a tissue in the washing machine would be one, perhaps grin

But - at the risk of sounding a MN cliche, my daughter won't be told anything my son won't and vice versa.

HagOtheNorth Sun 10-May-15 17:59:46

You might want to find out what sort of person she is/becomes before deciding on the pearls. How old is she?

rembrandtsrockchick Sun 10-May-15 18:05:04

Never trust a man who giggles.

HagOtheNorth Sun 10-May-15 18:05:19

First post too.
What did you feel that you had to hide from the men in your house, what made you lack confidence in yourself?
Raising a child is not as easy as '101 ways to make your Babe feel Beautiful Inside and Out' and the fact that you think hair and skin are the first things to mention is worrying.
So no, I'm sure there are lots of glossy magazines that can help you with that.
Love your DD, let her know that she's wonderful and that she doesn't have to be a clone of anyone. Support her and be her mum, not her best friend.

paxtecum Sun 10-May-15 18:41:40

They won't take any notice whatever advice you give them.
Teenagers think the y know everything.

squizita Sun 10-May-15 19:16:18

Whether you wear make up, shave, have long/short hair etc is your business. No one elses.
Learn how to fix clothes (hem, buttons, take in). It makes them last longer and look better. TEACH your Dp how if s/he can't. You're not his/her mum to sew buttons! wink

proudmama2772 Sun 10-May-15 19:45:25

If you eat too much you will get FAT!

wigglesrock Sun 10-May-15 20:43:07

It's alright not to like people, and not everyone has to like you.
You don't have to accept an apology, if someone hurts you, it's ok to say no, I don't want to see you again, I'd rather not "make up".
It's ok to be good at something.

But to be honest I probably give my sons the same advice. I have three daughters.

butterfly73 Sun 10-May-15 22:21:21

Maybe i didnt explain myself very well Hagofthenorth, if you think my approach is 'worrying'. My daughter is 8. I don't want to go too much into my own family situation growing up, but suffice to say an old aunt took me to buy my first deoderant, a woman behind the counter in Boots told me i should cleanse, tone and moisturise, and a friend's mum told me how to cut my toenails properly. Sadly, some things i did have to learn on my own from "reading glossy magazines" as you say, and that isn't the kind of distorted, unrealistic role model of life that i would want for my child. I was after some genuine, helpful advice and support, to enable me to be a positive role model for my daughter, thats all.

fiveacres Sun 10-May-15 22:23:38

Well, I don't think it's worrying, but nor do I think your sex or your child's sex is dependent on 'kiddo, stick some Lynx on!' grin

how do you cut your toenails properly?

fiveacres Sun 10-May-15 22:27:34

But here's some positive things I think hope I have/will pass on to my kids:

It's not your fault, but that doesn't mean it isn't your responsibility.

Don't be a drama llama

We've survived worse

Things change

I love you because I have to. I like you because you're awesome! grin

Sense, compassion and humour are your friends. Use them.

I hope I'll be around for a long long time, but in case I'm not, there's a box upstairs and that will tell you everything you need to know. Ring C if something happens to me and tell her where The Box is.

butterfly73 Sun 10-May-15 22:33:14

I meant to say thanks everyone for your comments so far.

And by the way, cut them straight across, not rounded at the corners - prevents in-growing toenails ;-) (it works...)

wickedwaterwitch Sun 10-May-15 22:35:11

I've to,pld my daughter never to be financially dependent on a man
And not to marry anyine unless they're as nice as her father (dh)

PurpleWithRed Sun 10-May-15 22:40:18

You can get over most mistakes, but be very very careful who you choose to be the father of your children.

catzpyjamas Sun 10-May-15 22:44:32

OP, I think you probably already know what you want to pass on. It's all those things that you had to learn for yourself, that you wished you could ask someone about, that you still wonder whether you got right. Write them down and you've probably covered most things.

As a teenager, my mum wasn't easy for me to relate to so I got information from friends/ magazines. Fortunately hmm it is so much easier for people to get information these days from Auntie Google rather than trying to work it out from Cathy and Claire letters in a magazine so our DCs will not have the same problem.

Becmum5 Mon 11-May-15 17:09:54

My mum is great at handing out advice to anyone who asks; she shoots straight from the hip; here are a few classics

1. Never give in to peer pressure - they only want you to try it out first
2. Dont fall into "Fad Diets" - they never work
3. Be an hour early and not 5 minutes late
4. Knowledge is power AND freedom
5. Its ok if someone is talking about you; at least you know that they are leaving some other poor bugger alone.
6. ALWAYS do something to make you proud; as you are the one who will live with your fails and successes.

Just be the great mum you are.

mumofboyo Mon 11-May-15 17:56:35

Not necessarily advice solely for my dd but for ds also:
- Don't be anybody's fool. If someone is taking the piss, call them on it or walk away. Demand nothing but respect; and, by the same token, treat others with respect also.
- Don't hold yourself back with thoughts about what other people might be thinking of you. I do this to myself all the time and stop myself doing things I enjoy and know I'm good at, simply because I'm worried about the reaction of other people, often complete strangers.

Whatdoiknowanyway Tue 12-May-15 20:17:44

Breathe out, breathe in, repeat as necessary.

cubmum Thu 14-May-15 23:38:39

I didn't get along with my mum but I'd say just listen, don't be overly critical, definitely don't hit or lose your temper and always tell her she is perfect. Nobody gave me beauty tips etc i get them from friends in teenage years. My dad also told me to cut nails straight toprevent ingrowns and not to eat too much chocolate lol. Honestly that you are even asking this question means your girl will be just fine x

cubmum Thu 14-May-15 23:41:12

Oh my dad also said one day you'll be a mum yourself and understand how much joy it brings smile

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