rubbish mummy(13 Posts)
So im sat here browsing mumsnet and then i look down at my two youngchildrenplaying nicely on the floor. What am i doing, i should be playing with them??! And this is what im like, nearly everyday. I dont interact with my children as much as i should be. If they ask me, i will...i never say no. Its just they seem happier playing on there own and if i join in they lose interest. This is how a typical weekday goes...we get up, go downstairs. I make them breakfast and i watch tv while they eat it, once theyve finished they either ask to watch tv or they play, whilst i just sit here. They both go to school i need to be out for 12 to get them there, so i give thrm a quick lunch, not that theh ever eat it. I get them dressed and we go to school. Dont even brush teeth or wash face everytime. I know im being brutally honest here, and im doing it to try and shake out of this routine im in and be a better mummy. On a wednesday and friday mornings we have toddler groups and softplay weekly so we go to these...but every other morning runs the same as above. When they finish school if its nice i take them to the park for about 40 mins then come home, where once again they are left to there own devices why i make tea ect. I know i should be doing more with them, but what can i do with them on the mornings?? They start nursery at 12 so time is limited.Please, be as harsh as you like...i think i need it..x
I personally think that whether kids want a parent playing with them or not has a lot to do with their personalities. I was a kid who liked playing by myself. My dad and my niece, and to all indications DD, don't like doing that- whatever they are doing, they want someone else doing it with them. I used to think that the problem was that some people never had to play on their own and so never learned to do it, but now I think it's just a personality trait. You can't change your kids' personality traits, and if you try it's likely to make you and them miserable.
If you and DCs are happy with how you're interacting and there are no other signs of problems, the problem is what, exactly?
Can you try just getting outside?
So get ready then leave house by 9.30am. Go for walks in woods/ parks/ streets/ beaches or whatever's closeish to you. Let children run, cycle, use scooters, climb trees, find leaves, sticks etc.
Now weathers getting better you can take picnic lunch some days and go straight from there to nursery.
You're not a rubbish mummy at all, you're brilliant at it and I want your tips! My DS will not play by himself at all, I think I've made a rod for my own back by constantly playing with him all the time. If I don't play with him he will just sit and watch TV.
You've brought up independent kids - that's the aim of the job
The teeth brushing does need a rap over the knuckles though, you know that's important. Take care of their physical needs, that's the only compulsory bit of motherhood.
You are raising DC that may never discover the great outdoors fully and will be happy to be sedentary and watch TV lots. Why not go scooting, biking, swimming, for walks, feed ducks, go to the shops, library or something to get them active ?!?
And also being there for them if they need you, if they're upset or whatever.
You sound bored tbh - maybe time to get a job? Or is it not practical?
How old are they OP? It sounds like they are getting a lot of stimulation but your internal voice is there for a reason. If you feel like your not happy with how much you interact with them then act on that feeling. Some children are more demanding of attention then others but that doesn't mean the quiet, peaceful child doesnt enjoy attention and company.
Btw my parents never played with me and to be honest it didnt bother me as I had my siblings. Maybe they just enjoy each others company.
I'm feeling exactly the same. I feel like I only interact with dd1 (2.5) if we're out the house. I try and go out every day. But when we're in the house I'm trying to do house work or feed the baby and I really struggle to think if things to do with her. We draw or play on iPad and I try and get her to help me with chores like sorting washing or helping me make dinner but she isn't that interested really.
I feel like a crap mum :-(
Rosy at that stage I went out everyday to keep my sanity and relive boredom !! .. Even if it was to hang out with other mums etc
I think kids playing independently is great. It doesn't sound like you're just plonking them in front of the TV, they're playing like children should. I think we're far too obsessed with entertaining our children. Google Janet Lansbury for lots of articles on the importance of free play.
5seconds actually an internal voice can be way off kilter
bitter experience and near pnd speaking many mums over - work because of unrealistic media/social pressures, sadly others I've known through work firmly believe they're in the right as they borderline neglect.
If you are so am I. my DS (20months) mostly poottles around by himslef discovering new things, I dont put the TV when he asks but we do have it on in the early mornings (news) and evenings (cougar town) and he gets out in the garden (puddle jumping, climbing, picking up bugs and feeding them to his little sister!) , but I assume you do that already.
You could bake or prep dinner in the mornings with them sometimes.
Or tbh any job you need to do, I do everything except hovering and moping with DS in tow, he sometimes help he moslty runs off with something vital to the job laughing like a mad man but its all new things for him to learn.
I dont think we need to be enertainers, just provide some new things every
now and then.
Independent play like yours seem to be doing is really good for developing creative thinking, so I don't think you need to worry that you should be interacting more. If you want to interact more, one of the best ways is by reading books together. Other things you could do with them - nursery rhymes or songs with actions/dances, doing jigsaws, building with duplo, kicking a ball around the garden.
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