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Any other suggestions on how to handle ds biting?

6 replies

AtAt · 28/04/2015 22:07

DS will be 3 in September, and is going through a biting stage at nursery, which has been happening for the last couple of weeks. They put him in timeout when this happens, and I talk to him about how it's better to walk away from someone if he doesn't want them near him. I've tried getting angry with him, and saying it makes me sad, but it doesn't seem to help.
I have decided to try a different approach, and wanted opinions on if this is a good idea, or if I should try something else.
I made a big deal today about a (very simple!) reward chart. I have told him that if over the next 3 days he doesn't bite, he gets a tick for each day. If he has 3 ticks at the end of the week, he will get a special treat. I'm planning on repeating this in the morning, so it's fresh in his mind when he goes in. Any other ideas? DS knows that he is in the wrong, I think he doesn't understand how to get someone to leave him alone, so bites instead. I know this is no excuse, which is why I'm hoping the above works.
I did have a miscarriage last month, but not sure how much he understands, but that is the only major thing that has happened recently. I'm wondering if he has picked up on that maybe?

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toomanywheeliebins · 28/04/2015 22:39

We had this- it was awful. DC was 2.6 and it went on for a few weeks. She only targeted her best friend. One day she bit her friend so badly that the manager called me and asked me to come in. The manager had her in the office with her when I got there. In age appropriate language she told her why it was so nasty to bite & I reinforced. She never ever did it again. I think it was the shock of seeing me. The younger child was bitten by another child for a while too. It will pass - but is horrible

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AtAt · 29/04/2015 06:39

Thanks bins it's the same situation, as he seem to bite the same child. I'll keep persevering, and hope the message sinks in sooner rather than later.

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Misty9 · 29/04/2015 20:11

No harm in trying a reward chart. Is he definitely not teething molars? We had an awful period of biting with ds when he was 18 months to two years, then it resurfaced at around 3 - but only towards his closest friend this time.

I'm afraid I've never dealt with it particularly calmly and usually ended up shouting... i would immediately remove him from the situation, give attention to the victim (while apologising to the parent) and very sternly talk to ds. Also, I discouraged hugging (he doesn't really like his space being invaded) and watched him like a hawk! Luckily he didn't start nursery until he'd grown out of it. We found the book 'teeth are not for biting' quite good. We also tried to give ds other ideas for dealing with frustration as this was nearly always why he did it: stamping feet, clapping hands, walking away or saying no loudly (if other child doing something unwanted). He grew out of it thankfully - and I'm still great friends with his usual victim's mother!

Good luck.

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AtAt · 01/05/2015 20:44

Just a quick update, we have had 2 days with no biting! .
We started the reward chart, ds was very excited about getting a tick at the end of the day. However, he went to bite in the afternoon, so we explained no tick for him. He was upset, and was begging for a tick.
The next morning, we tried again, making it a big deal that if he was good, he'd get a tick. I also called him at lunch time to say well done for doing so well, and I was proud of him. The last 2 days, he has got a tick as he hasn't bitten.
I have still ordered that book, and hopefully reading it to him will reinforce the message.
Thank you all for your help

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AtAt · 01/05/2015 20:46

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Misty9 · 01/05/2015 21:21

Yey! Glad it's going well :)

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