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What do you miss most about your life BC (Before Children) ?

(60 Posts)
mollipops Wed 17-Apr-02 06:36:51

I was thinking about this the other day, and wondered how other mums felt about it... Of course, none of us would give up our children for the world or ever truly regret becoming a mum. But it does change our lives so dramatically, what do you really miss the most???

My list:
- Going to the toilet by myself (with the door open or shut as I pleased!)
- Being able to make a phone call or have a shower without interruption!
- The spontaneous Saturday visits to the shops with dh for no reason, just to "look around", maybe grab a cuppa and some lunch...or any spur-of-the-moment outing, without having to pack drinks, snacks, nappies, dolly etc...
- Having a cute(r) belly button!
- Having a career and my own guilt-free spending money!
- Talking to my dh about things other than bills, money and the kids.

Sounds pretty pathetic (and selfish!) now that I look at it - if I wrote a list of what I would miss now if I wasn't a mum (knowing what I know now), it would definitely be longer! And I do feel better now I realise that!

Anyone else have any others to add?

bea Wed 17-Apr-02 08:36:45

just spur of the moment stuff... like...

pop out for the day... oh it's lunchtime..hmmm nice looking cafe/pub.. lets have lunch!

now the summer evenings are here a nice evening walk out in the sun...(dd in bed by 7pm)

i know exactly waht you mean on all counts mollipops except i never had a cute belly button!!!

Enid Wed 17-Apr-02 09:27:19

Just spent a weekend in London without dd...the best things were:

- Laying in
- Wandering round the women's clothes department actually being able to look at the clothes in peace
- Eating very spicy noodles in a Japanese restaurant and being able to concentrate on the adult conversation
- Watching new ER on video at 5pm before we got ready to go out in the evening - how sad is that.

Marina Wed 17-Apr-02 09:42:10

Reading the papers with as much hot coffee as you want on Saturday mornings...
Getting up at 11am at weekends if you wanted to...without feeling guilty
Complete absence of day-glo plastic from carpet, staircase, inside of bathtub
Being able to watch Eastenders on EITHER the evening or the repeat showings on Sunday afternoon without it provoking a diplomatic incident
Being able to nip up to the West End after work for shopping, drinks, the theatre...

But I agree Mollipops, what I have now is even better, just radically different!

Tillysmummy Wed 17-Apr-02 10:23:42

Spontanaiety I think for me - being able to leave the house without taking half the house with me !And of course, long lazy lie ins (although I never could manage this before, always up by 8 and now I long for them !).
But I wouldn't swap my life now for these, would just be nice to have these as little treats every so often

Wells1 Wed 17-Apr-02 10:25:37

Listening to The Archers on Sunday mornings with the papers and endless tea
my old body (esp thighs)
lie-ins
not bothering to do any housework but never being in the house enough to notice!
time to do the garden (old person alert)
staying at nice hotels for the weekend (dream about that)
And most of all, being able to buy and wear nice clothes because of not being fat. Am joining Weight Watchers on Thursday.

Still, wouldn't swap

Wells1 Wed 17-Apr-02 10:28:40

What I DON'T miss is..

Working full time in an office
Commuting
Getting drunk in bars in West End with colleagues from the office
Paying for taxis home
Feeling broody & worrying about fertility
Sucking up to horrible bosses
having to wear uncomfy work clothes
Never being at home

WideWebWitch Wed 17-Apr-02 10:33:33

* Spontaneity, agree.
* The money I was earning from corporate job
* My youth.
* Childless friends: have lost some along the way

BUT:

* Still have certain amount of spontaneous outings, they're just with ds.
* My time with ds is more valuable than earning money
* So what, that was fading anyway
* They weren't that great

Tillysmummy Wed 17-Apr-02 10:45:44

oh, another one,

Having a hangover and it not mattering because haven't got to play with DD, can just sit on couch, eat pizza and feel sorry for myself. Actually, I think dd helps to take my mind off it.

bundle Wed 17-Apr-02 10:51:15

self-indulgence...but sometimes I get glimpses of it eg when I take time off work and dd is at nursery...can pad around the house, eating things which are bad for me, drinking coffee, watching crap daytime tv, reading equally crap magazines. And the spontaneity of being able to leave the house or go out for a meal. felt v "naughty" recently when got back from Easter hols and left dd at nursery for afternoon and b&**&^^d off to see Gosford Park...

threeangels Wed 17-Apr-02 11:29:09

going out with my husband at anytime. miss sleeping in. a lot more quietness around the house. Oh well in reality its all worth it.

star Wed 17-Apr-02 11:45:13

Message withdrawn

Bron Wed 17-Apr-02 13:00:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sis Wed 17-Apr-02 13:11:59

Bron, you got there before me!
on the tidy house front - we were a pretty messy pair of pups before ds but since his arrival, we are more organised and tidy (and have a cleaner!) so ours is the odd household that is probably tidier now than it was before ds's arrival.

LiamsMum Wed 17-Apr-02 13:51:40

I definitely miss being able to just get up and go to the movies with my dh on the spur of the moment, & lingering over coffee or dessert somewhere afterwards. Also being able to go shopping on my own without having to ask my parents to look after my son, and definitely the holidays & weekends away that dh & I used to spend together. In other words, freedom!! DS is a treasure and we do love him, but I really miss having that time to myself.

Rhubarb Wed 17-Apr-02 14:10:46

Having a lie-in at the weekends.
Being able to read the paper cover to cover without interruption.
Being able to walk through the park without saying "dog, tree, flowers, water" - and that's without dd!
Getting absolutely slaughtered without feeling guilty and ashamed.
Having sex in places other than bed (or having sex at all!)
And lastly, wearing clothes that aren't covered in snot, chocolate, tears and juice.

SueDonim Wed 17-Apr-02 14:33:04

Before Children - wassat, then??? It's so long ago for me that I can't remember! I've even got used to functioning on four or five hours sleep a night.

Eve Wed 17-Apr-02 14:39:22

Breasts that used to point up and out...and aren't located round my waist as now.
Sleep!!!!
Being able to have a bath on my own without a 2 year old climbing in

Janus Wed 17-Apr-02 19:12:06

OK, shallow, shallow, shallow but ... getting completely and utterly, falling-down pissed with my partner or friends or anyone really (done all too regularly BC)!!! It's just not worth the next day of holding your daughter's hand with your head down the toilet (done once but never again!!!).
Just sitting in a coffee shop, reading the paper, for hours (although didn't even do it that much!!!).
Definitely shopping/pottering for clothes, now things either come from a catalogue or are bought in a hurry and I usually hate after I get it home!
Having my own money and wasting so much of it on complete crap like nail varnish and lipstick!!!
I'm actually struggling now so it can't be that bad!
Like others have said though, I really think being a mother has made me, I think I'm doing a good job, I love being lucky enough to have the time to walk in the park and see the flowers, ducks, etc, have taken up gardening (much to the shock and hilarity of people who knew me BC!) as much as I can do with a toddler pulling up any growing flowers to smell!, meeting some wonderful friends through my daughter, great really!

charliesmummy Wed 17-Apr-02 19:32:46

Janus - you must have been me in the BEFORE life! Having two day hangover, freedom, good flat fab stomach and the energy to work at it. Having the time to run 40 miles a week and thinking about me for the whole route, looking as good as I could - god I am so shallow. Shopping for new makeup instead of buying the same old lipstick - blushing bloody nude 'cos I know it suits!.

Sex - I miss sex, good long sunday lingering sex, or short quick on the kitchen floor kind whenever we could - instead of listening out for the monitor, and in general lack of libido due to the new way of life!

Lack of choice. Thats it. But ................................ I love my boy so much its worth it ............

Selja Wed 17-Apr-02 19:33:46

I agree with all the others but have one to add - the luxury of being ill. I had time off work not long back with a virus, there was no dh as he was at work and no ds as he was at nursery being a work day and I could just lie there and do nothing. Told my boss I was only going back because dh was having the afternoon off so the peace and quiet would have vanished. Sounds daft wanting to be ill on a workday.

Wells1 Wed 17-Apr-02 19:41:35

There's one thing I know I will miss this summer - lying by a pool reading and reading and reading. Fat chance of that this summer, despite going on holiday to villa with pool. I imagine I'm just going to spend a fortnight trying to prevent him drowning himself.

candy Wed 17-Apr-02 19:45:29

The thing I miss most, and the only part really of my PC (pre-children) life that I don't get to indulge in at least sometimes, is going to gigs. I can't get anyone who'd be willing to babysit that late and for some reason anyway I feel a bit as if I might look like an aging rocker (so is 32 really too old to go and see Pulp?). Have just heard today that The Smiths were voted best band ever in an NME poll - now THAT brings back PC memories!

Indie Wed 17-Apr-02 20:05:01

This is very timely - after a day away in London yesterday without DD & DS - first time since 11m DS was born (bit sad here as it was all work related!) it really came home, some of those things I miss.
Such as:
browsing in shops that you can't take kids or strollers in - small galleries and those with upstairs & no lifts.
coffee in a cafe where you don't have to either change a nappy or take DD to toilet.
jumping on buses or the tube and not worrying if someone will help you up the stairs or if the tube breaks down who will help you with the stroller if you have to be evaculated.
the impromptu stop for a drink in a bar without wondering if there is a highchair.
reading the paper on the tube
also:
sleep / lie-ins / afternoon naps at the weekend
a cleanish house
drives without listening to children's music
shoulders of clothes without baby snot on them
finally:
the freedom to do again 'adventurous' things without feeling that it is not worth the risk of something happening and thus never seeing the kids again.
It is still worth it - most days

Bozza Wed 17-Apr-02 22:50:11

Selja - I was going to put exactly the same. The luxury of being ill in peace. Coming home from work full of cold and being able to go straight to bed without throwing together a family meal, persuading DS to perhaps eat as much as he throws around the kichen, snatching 15 mins to play with DS, then the whole bath, bottle, bed routine followed by clearing up getting ready for the next day etc.

I second the hangover thing which quite a few have mentioned.

Janus how do you manage to garden? It is one of the things that I miss.... (obviously old before my time).

Also miss carefree spending of money and freedom from financial anxiety.

But like all of you I am an old softie and love my son to bits. DH and I both laugh so much more than we ever did before we had him. He is so funny, has such a bubbly personality and a great sense of humour.

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