Hi there, I hope this is in the right place - this is my first post! :-O
Okay so I apologise if this gets long (I will try to edit it down to the most important points), but I have some thoughts to get out, and would like constructive/polite opinions please. If you are going to insult me, flame me or troll me please go elsewhere; I am happy for someone to disagree, but I don't want arguments, I'm here for advice and thoughts, not mockery. :)
I am almost 32 years old, so it's safe to say that the old 'biological clock' is ticking. Despite not really being fussed about having kids, in the last couple of years, having been around younger children more, and getting a job in a Children's Hospital, the idea of having a child of my own has really grown on me to the point where I really do want a child.
However, I have a couple of big problems:
I may get 'hate' for this, but I feel I would be a better single mother. That's not to say I would coerce or deceive anyone into being a baby-daddy, or that I would purposely break up with someone to be a single mother! Just that I am not overly bothered if a father is around. I grew up with two married parents, who are still married in their 70s and it's honestly the most poisonous environment I've ever lived in (literally non-stop arguments and shouting, emotional and mental abuse, even mild physical abuse in my childhood from my mother); in short, having two parents is not always better, it's the individuals that matter, not the combined parental unit.
I am currently living at home, because full-on rent and bills etc is obviously quite expensive. And here's my problem: babies are an extra expense, and even with all of the available benefits (partner or not), things aren't going to get any cheaper. If I saved all of my money first then it might be doable, but I don't know.
I know it's very easy for folks to say 'you don't have the money, you live at home, don't have kids', and I honestly do understand that! But I am sure many relate: I am pushing 32, the clock is literally ticking so I need to act in the next couple of years or my chances drop dramatically of ever falling pregnant.
I guess my question is - what are my options? I've been going through the potential outgo on minimum expenditure and maximum benefits (I know that sounds horribly trashy, I am a hard worker at heart, it's just something I am mentioning because it's reality etc), and if I lived in a studio or one-bed it would be tight but possible.
But what should I do? As I say, important notes:
- No I am NOT going to trick a man into impregnating me at all!
- No, I am not a benefit slacker. I am a hard worker and would do what I could to not live a life on 'free' money
- I am 32, so the clock's ticking
Sorry that was so rambling I am just trying to get all of my thoughts down. Any advice/thoughts on this?