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Please tell me I'm not the only one!(3 Posts)
Hello, my quick background is that I'm a 35 year old single mum to a 23 month old girl. She's always been a brilliant, easy child. She sleeps, eats, behaves, is healthy and happy and gorgeous. She's a sperm donor baby so I had her on my own very much by choice. She's everything I ever wanted in a daughter, although is not affectionate which may be part of the problem.
I feel like such an ungrateful, awful mum, all of the time.
I can look at her all day and half of me thinks she's absolutely amazing but at the same time I feel nothing. I don't think I'm bonded to her and consequently I can't play with her and feel utterly despairing. I try and cuddle her a lot but she pushes me off. We read books together which is about as close as we get. I 'enjoy' her fleetingly, as in I like hearing her learn new words, laugh when she's funny and love dressing her and teaching her new things. But I have this underlying feeling of a disconnection. I love her in my own way, but I suspect not in the way most mums do. I just can't believe I have got exactly what I always wanted (a lovely happy healthy little girl) and now I have her I am just not feeling it.
I have supportive friends but I'm starting to retreat away as I'm so ashamed of myself and I hate having to act like everything is great.
Anyone else feel this way? What can I do?
There is nothing to be ashamed of. You love your daughter and provide a loving home for her. We bond and relate to our children differently at their different stages.
She may not be a very cuddly child. My niece was like this, she did not want to sit still for a cuddle.
You may find her 'play' more interesting as she gets older, I was never one for play. Try and look for things that you might enjoy together, little ones love swimming and at that age it is something where she will want you to hold her and make her feel safe.
If your feelings are becoming overwhelming I suggest you look at counselling, that may help you.
One of my postnatal anxieties was that i wouldnt bond with my daughter. I spoke to my counsellor about it and have found that its actually a very common occurrence.
I recommend dealing with it head on. Speak to a counsellor and be kind to yourself, beating yourself up about it will only stand to magnify the issue.
How good luck x
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