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The difference between 1 and 2(19 Posts)
I'm pregnant with DC 2. DS will be 3.5 when this one is born.
So, hit me with it, what am I letting myself in for? Is there a massive difference between having one child and having two? What did you do differently the second time around?
For me, 0 to 1 was a much bigger change than 1-2. DH and I had already been through all the decisions like dummies, type of nappies, co sleeping or in Moses / cot etx, breastfeeding / formula, what to do when they cry / won't sleep etc etc etc, so you are already starting from an easier place. You already have all the kit. You are used to planning stuff round naps / feeding the baby/ child. And we were a lot more laid back about co sleeping and much more laid back about how it wasn't going to create a massive rod for our back etc.
Going from 1 to 2 hit me like a ton of bricks (although I had less than 2 years between my oldest). It felt like 3 times the work.
But with DCs 3 and 4 I had four years between them and it was actually fine - and that will hopefully be closer to what you'll experience with your 3.5 years. Your DS will understand what's going on more, hopefully be a more reliable sleeper, might even be prepared to help a bit.
He's a pretty good sleeper - goes to bed at 7pm and gets up at 6am and rarely wakes in the night. it's taken us nearly 3 years to get to that point though - he was a hideous sleeper for the first two and not great for the six months after that so I am DREADING the lack of sleep with a newborn again.
Depends on the indivduals.
For me, 0-1 hit me totally for six. I was totally poleaxed, and, as such, barely noticed number 2 coming along- she slotted right in.
Close friend though had a really easy baby who was a doddle as a toddler, and her dh was around a lot, as were grandparents, and found 0 - 1 was no problem, but her number 2 is a 'bit of a one' as they say , combined with her dh now in a different job and not being able to be around as much, and grandparents have now got several other grandchildren, and she's finding it really hard at the moment.
My second is 8 months old and so far she is so much more laid back than my first, possibly because I had the eldest to deal with too so I wasn't able to rush to every whimper. I only breastfed a couple of weeks with my first but am still bfing the second, she just seemed to take to it better. It's exhausting that when the baby sleeps in the day you can't relax like I could the first time around but it's nowhere near as bad as I imagined it to be!
Some aspects are easier - you know what you're doing this time round
Some aspects are trickier - you are dealing with your PFBs new stages and different needs whilst trying to juggle the needs of a baby.
DS2 was carted around places in a manner I would never have done with DS1. He often arrived places still in his sleep wear and was changed and fed breakfast when we arrived
Thirdborn DD just had to slot in.
0-1 was so hard for me, totally detailed me, by then I had no life so thought I might as well have another. 1-2 was a doddle.
goo I am ib the same position as you. Dd will be 3.10 when dd2 is born. It is a longer gap than planned due to several losses in between but I am hoping to reap some benefits in terms of an easier ride in the early days (though I am also dreading going back to square one sleep wise). Dd is quite excited but will also be jealous I am sure. I am hoping she won't be as squabbly as she would have been a year ago though.
Sorry to to hear that longestlurkerever - I had a MC last year too so it's year bigger gap than I'd hoped, but perhaps it might make it easier in some ways.
I was literally about to come on here to ask the same question.
Hubby has two children from a previous marriage and always said he didn't really want any more children, we had a long discussion where I admitted it was a dealbreaker for me as I always wanted to be a mum... and now we have one DS and DH wouldn't change him for the world, he adores him and says this has been much easier with me as mum (ExW was reluctant mother, out a lot, left DH to it with the kids). However I knew he really didn't want more so I made my peace with having only one, and recently even came to appreciate the logic of only having one...
Now his brother (who he is very close to) has just had his second baby and all of a sudden out of nowhere, DH is saying he might want another one.
I am flummoxed. Took me a long time to accept that my first would also be my last, shed lots of tears over it and was quite pleased that within only a couple of years we'll be able to afford holidays with DS etc. The thought of doing it all over again is terrifying. So was really looking to come on here and find out how difficult the transition really is... financially also?
Sorry to gatecrash...
phoenix for me the financial implications are not too bad. There will only be 8 months where both children will be in nursery as DS will then go to school - and for all of that 8 months DS will receive funding for some of his hours so that will relieve some of the burden.
Lots of the stuff you need for a baby we already have. I guess if you had only planned to have the 1 you might need to buy some of it again though?
Luckily we had booked a holiday before I knew we were pregnant so will be away when I am 20 weeks pregnant and I have resigned myself to this being the last holiday we have for a few years!
I really think it depends on the dc if I'm honest!My dd was my first and a walk in the park and I found going from 0-1 really easy. She was really laid back and an easy baby.
DS was born when dd was 3.7 and he was a terrible baby compared to dd. Never slept and was just really unsettled!
Had he been as laid back as dd things would def have been easier. Dc3 is due on Tues so it hasn't but me off completely lol
I've got a 4 year gap and find the baby really easy but dc1 has been very tough because of jealousy and tantrums. 4 months in and she is just starting to settle down but it's been a little disheartening to see my lovely dd get really anxious and angry.
It is a shock initially but giving DS1 a baby brother was the best thing we could have done. )
For me, the hardest thing when going from 1-2 is the lack of sleep,and not being able to 'nap' with baby or just have a general chill out to get some rest as I did with DS1.
I felt like I was losing the plot a bit due to the lack of sleep in those early days. However, it does get easier and you really will cope okay. DH used to take DS1 out loads to the park, farm etc and I used to get some shut eye and rest that way. It was a bit of a shock when DH went back to work after being with me for the first few weeks, but we managed okay.
Now DS2 is 7 months and I can honestly say that I'm loving having two! Yes, it's completely full on and I barely get a minute to myself at all but I wouldn't change a thing. My eldest was 3.7 when DS2 was born and , as little as they both are, they are the best of friends already.
We haven't had any jealousy issues - like I say the first few weeks for me were the toughest and DS1 took a while to adjust to sharing Mummy.
In terms of everything else, it really does just 'fall' into place and just becomes second nature to you.
Best of luck.
3 year age gap between mine. I loved going from 1 to 2. second child was so much easier, more enjoyable (and cheaper, especially having 2 girls). DD1 loved being a big sis and was suprisingly helpful, or at least not a pain! I feel the extra cost more now though (DD2 is 3) - holidays and after school activities in particular. going from no kids to 1 was a million times harder.
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