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Boyfriends son calling me Mummy(8 Posts)
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and first became a part of his sons life when he was 2. He is now 4 nearly 5 and his birth mum hasn't been a part of his life since he was 1. This is from a combination of her neglecting him, which led to my boyfriend getting full residency and then her not bothering to even see him when she had supervised visits.
Over the years he has called me Mummy a handful of times to which my boyfriend has corrected him by saying 'no that's (my name)'.
The other day I picked him up from school and he was talking to a girl in his class on the way home. Several times he referred to me as his mummy, then when she went I asked him who his mummy was and he said my name.
I love him to bits and I treat him as if he was my own. My heart melted at the fact I mean so much to him for him to refer to me as his mummy.
However I've had mixed views and responses when I've spoken to friends about it. I understand that I am not biologically his mum, me and his dad aren't married (yet, but I know we are in it for the long run) etc. Don't really know how to go about it all. Do I just ignore it and let him carry on thinking that? Should his dad have a chat with him? If so what would he even say? It's just such a sensitive topic, the word 'mummy' is just never used and its all very delicate.
It sounds like he's decided who his mummy is
I think in many cases and medical issues excepted, it's relatively 'easy' to have a child, but to raise a child as your own, support them, love them and care for them is something only a parent can do. It's sounds to me as if you're filling the 'mummy' role for him. Maybe have a chat with your DP and see how you want to play it, but if you're fully committed and your DS sees you as his mum then isn't that the decision made?
Just go with it, unless you have doubts about this relationship.
If you have any inkling even a small one that you might not want to be with your dp forever, then nip this 'mummy' business right in the bud.
Otherwise, it's lovely! :-)
I'd ask his dad how he wants to deal with this. Maybe you could have another term of endearment that your partner may feel more comfortable with. If you think of it from a child's view point- all the stuff you do for him is done for his friends by there mummies. There for your mummy.
I also think you should be so happy that he loves you this much, I bet you are x
What does your partner say about it OP? If he's okay with it I'd go with it personally! If not, that might be a discussion you need to have first with DP, and then with DSS.
I would talk to his dad about it. If you are going to let him consider you to be his mother, are you prepared to still be a part of his life if you and his dad split up?
I think if you are confident in your relationship with his Dad, really confident, then let him call you Mummy, at nearly 5 he will be able to understand the basic "I'm not your 'real' Mummy, but you can call me that if you want to"
I think it's lovely that he feels safe and loved by you, as proven by the fact he calls you Mum.
I don't know how it all works, but can you adopt him? There by legally becoming his mother? I don't know if you have to be married, or together for a set amount of years or something though.
As puds11 says, would you be prepared to still be a part of his life IF you and your OH were to split?
I think it's great that you are obviously putting a lot of thought into this, it proves you care about and want what is really best for the little one.
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