Can I just take a moment to call out something really weird and inappropriate that people say to new Mums? I can barely get through a day without hearing the phrase 'Is she good?' at least once and this started happening virtually as soon as my daughter came out. What else would she be?
Even more disturbing is that professionals often say this and worse: one midwife said my daughter was having a 'girly tantrum' when she cried during a heel prick and advised me she was probably making a 'fuss' about having a poo when I asked advice about her crying inconsolably a lot at nights (which turned out to be colic).
The midwife was a nice lady actually and most of these people are nice and well meaning, but please don't attribute a tendency or ability to intentionally exaggerate, deceive or play up to my newly born baby! She does not throw tantrums or make a fuss. She just shows distress if she feels it. Please don't ask me to categorise her for you as 'good' or 'bad' either!
I know I know, it's short hand for how easy or hard it is looking after her and the person is taking an interest and probably doesn't really believe deep down that a tiny baby is evil, naughty or bad if it cries too much, but it's a weird and loaded habit that should be revised. How do people feel if they feel they have to answer that their baby is not 'good'???!!!
We shouldn't slap a value judgement on babies that mean they are only 'good' if they stay sufficiently quiet and sleep in a particular manner and quantity! You could probably just ask how she or I have been getting on or something. AIBU? Thank you!
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Newborns don't throw tantrums and they can't be 'bad'!!!!!
43 replies
juulie · 29/01/2015 22:55
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