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Struggling with return to work

(21 Posts)
Illhaveabpleasebob Wed 28-Jan-15 21:27:28

Hello all- after some reassurance here I think because I'm feeling like a really crap mum at the moment.
I'm going back to work next week and I'm feeling awful about it- because I want to go back! I love my dd (7months) but I'm just not coping very well with the monotony of being in the home environment every day. I just can't help feeling that I should want to stay home with her- the guilt is killing me. So- lots of stories about how going back to work has made you an awesome mother please!!

Nolim Wed 28-Jan-15 21:38:44

I too was looking forward to get back to work. I felt isolated bored and exhausted during my maternity leave. I am much happier as a wohm and think that being happier makes me a better mum. The time that i spend with dc is more precious to me and i can focus all my attention in my dc during those moments.

Dont feel guilty about not feeling guilty returning to work. Seriously what is the point of it. You do know you are doing the best for your family.

ch1134 Wed 28-Jan-15 21:57:07

I'm the opposite. I dreaded going back to work. So I think you're lucky to want it. Embrace that!

Jackiebrambles Wed 28-Jan-15 22:00:24

I loved going back to work! DS was just 12 months when I did. I love the adult interaction I get, and achieving stuff that isn't anything to do with being a mum. And I really enjoy the 'break' - lunches, coffees and reading on my commute!

It definitely makes me a better mum.

The first weeks are hard when you are settling them at childcare but they soon get used to it.

Thurlow Wed 28-Jan-15 22:04:18

That was me grin Wasn't exactly jumping through hoops at the idea of not seeing DD too much but equally, I wasn't cut out to be a SAHM. 'Monotony of being at home' is exactly how I felt too.

Nolim is right, if you're happier in yourself then you're going to be a happier mum when you are with your DD. The biggest challenge is juggling the housework etc so that you don't eat into your time with DC, but it does at least mean you have quite a lot of tolerance to play pretend doctors for 3 hours at the weekend!

Thegreatunslept Wed 28-Jan-15 22:07:24

I was glad to get back to work!
My ds thrives with his childminder and I feel so useful and challenged at work (I didn't feel like this before going on maternity).
I enjoy having a day when I get a lunch break and can drive to and from work in quiet with my thoughts.
On the other hand my ds and I run to meet each other when I finish work and we have a great routine on my days off that dh isn't here of lazing about watching cartoons and visiting friend or doing the shopping etc.
I now work compressed hrs 30 hrs in 3 days so have a good balance of work and home.

Illhaveabpleasebob Wed 28-Jan-15 22:43:42

Thanks ladies- feeling better already. I think half the problem is I don't know anyone else in the real world who will freely admit they want to go back- not the done thing at all!
Nolim I completely agree it's pointless feeling guilty about not feeling guilty- put like that makes me realise how ridiculous it is!
Ch1134 definitely helps to put the positive spin on it- thank you! (and I hope it's not as bad for you as you think).
Thegreatun the running to meet each other sounds lovely. Exactly what I want!
Thurlow the juggling is going to be interesting as DH and I both work nights, lates and weekends, but hoping it will somehow work in our favour with chores. Probably deluded.
Jackie I think you are right the first weeks will be challenging- fingers crossed!

SASASI Wed 28-Jan-15 22:51:22

I'm seriously dreading going back to work but even part of me thinks it will be nice to dress up a few days a week, drink hot tea & watch Iplayer on the commute.

I hope it all goes well for you - anything that makes you happier can only be a positive influence on your role as mummy.

Azquilith Wed 28-Jan-15 22:59:21

I bloody loved going back, because the best thing was the fact my little boy is looked after during the day by someone who isn't miserable with the monotony. And I get to come home every day, play with him, get in the bath and put him to bed and have fabulous time with him, totally ignoring everything else.

mrsmugoo Wed 28-Jan-15 23:05:12

I actually arranged to go back to work earlier because I was finding 7 days a week childcare too boring.

I started back when my son was 7.5 months and I love working!

AliMonkey Wed 28-Jan-15 23:11:09

I love spending time with my DC. But not when it's full time. I am absolutely a better mum when I am not with them all the time. With both I went back to work 3dpw when they were 6 months old - and am still doing 3dpw nearly 10 years later. They did more fun things at nursery than with me, and now enjoy after school club and the more varied breakfasts at breakfast club, and mix with children of different ages. But we make the most of the time we do have together. And I think I am setting them a good example of importance of working hard and of women having careers. So go for it, enjoy the time apart, enjoy going to the toilet and eating your lunch on your own, then enjoy how much their eyes light up when you get home / pick them up.

NickyEds Thu 29-Jan-15 10:48:07

Don't feel guilty about not feeling guilty!! I think that there's a bit of a conspiracy around this. A few of my friends who returned to work at around 7-8 months have since admitted that they couldn't wait to return and it made them much happier.One said that she pretended to "do as bit of hand wringing" so no one thought she wouldn't miss her baby!!! I'm a SAHM and really understand that it's not for everyone. All of my friends have returned to work now and them and their babies are doing great.

sunflowered Thu 29-Jan-15 11:59:42

I'm going back next week too and looking forward to it - I've found the last 3 months or so fairly hard going being at home all the time and wouldn't take as long off if we have another baby (though for various reasons I've been away from work since December 2013 shock ) I'm sad that my 1-1 time with dd is ending, and I'm so grateful that I had the chance to take the time off with her, but I know she'll spend some very happy days in nursery where they gave toys and activities that I can't provide at home. I think it'll be good for my relationship with dh too as he's slipping into a comfy little routine where he works in the office all day and expects everything done at home when he waltzes through the front door, which is making me feel resentful. I'm looking forward to my days at home with her and think I'll have more energy and enthusiasm as it won't be constant.

good luck next week!

Nolim Thu 29-Jan-15 12:24:05

Nicky i agree with your conspiracy theory. Just before i returned to work i had the following conversation several times with mums at playgroups and such:
OM = other mum: are you going back to work?
Me: yes.
Om: how many days?
Me: full time.
Om: omg, so your employer did not accepted part time?
So at this point i had to admit that wanted to work full time or that i had to. Please imagine om's eyes opening wide with each answer.

I know plenty of workimg mums who are perfectly happy with their choice. And i also know sahms who would like to work and wohm who would like to be satm but cannot do it for some reason (financial reasons mostly) so actually i am very happy to be able to work and enjoy it to.

goldeline Thu 29-Jan-15 16:53:47

I started a new job (after graduating whilst pregnant) when DS was 7 months. I was in two minds about starting but I feel like it's made me a better parent. I was not built to be a stay at home mum and whilst I have endless respect for those who do it, it's not for me - and that's okay! And if it's not for you, of course that's okay too. Coming home from work every day and seeing DS's face light up is amazing, and I really appreciate and value our time together more. We also do more as a family now to make the most of what time we do have together.

MagicDucky Thu 29-Jan-15 17:23:39

I loved being back at work, it reminded me I'm not just a mum, I'm a person too. So when I am at home I cherish this moment with my daughter more and I am happier which makes her happier!

squizita Thu 29-Jan-15 20:27:41

I had someone on FB take this angle with me and tag in other mums for back up. Who all said full time was doable and good money.
I've had colleagues assume ill downgrade and not be a manager (which wouldn't affect work life balance much ... just seems mummies shouldn't be hard nosed managers too in their eyes).

My mum had a career and I always admired it (retired now). I would go to her work voluntarily as a teen in my holidays. You need a degree to do her job so her example contributed to me buckling down at high school. It was a key part of her mothering me and served me well into adulthood. smile Plus the money enabled me to have many things I probably took for granted as a kid, but looking back I was so lucky.
She was also there for me always. We are close. So ime that side isn't damaged either.
I knew friends with disinterested, horribly strict or flaky parents and whether working or sahp ... it wasn't the work but the attitude that was the problem.

Jaffakake Thu 29-Jan-15 21:48:10

The day I dropped ds off at nursery to go back to work I cried - with relief!

I love being a working mum, sometimes I find the running around like a blue arsed fly tiring, but I know work generates a certain level of my self esteem.

My mum stayed at home with me for 6 years. She says I have more patience and spend more time playing with ds than she did with me. I believe it's cos I don't do it all day, every day.

I have a great relationship with ds & love hearing all his nursery soap opera type stories of what went on each day in the car ride home!

badfurday Fri 30-Jan-15 11:25:35

I've been back to work a month now.
I absolutely hated maternity leave.

I absolutely adore my daughter but hated the day to day drudge of feeding, playing, changing, going to the park for something to do. I used to live for nap time!

Now I'm back at work and feel like I have a purpose! A lot of women at my work admit they got bored stiff whilst on maternity leave and are glad to be back.

I get to pick my daughter up every night and she is giggly and cuddly and then we have bath time and story time just me and her, it's lovely.

Don't feel guilty about it, enjoy going back, yes you are a mum, but you are a person too. Good luck! wink

Writerwannabe83 Fri 30-Jan-15 11:48:12

Hi OP

I was originally going to take a full year's maternity leave but I cut it short by two months because I was so ready to return to work. The repetitiveness of being a SAHM was driving me mad and I needed something else in my life.

DS very recently turned 10 months and I started back at work two weeks ago. The first week was very hard m, there were lots of tears and I missed him dreadfully but the second week was easier and I think that give it another few weeks and I won't feel any guilt at all.

I have a wonderful childminder who I trust completely and DS has so much fun there. She is always sending me photos of him and he had the biggest smile on his face in all of them. The other children there also adore him and never stop kissing and cuddling him.

I genuinely believe that he needs interaction with other children and that he will thrive because of it.

He goes to the childminder 2-3 days a week from 7am-5pm and the other 4-5 days he is with me.

I suppose I have the best of both worlds.

Illhaveabpleasebob Fri 30-Jan-15 19:47:03

Thanks so much everyone- feel much better to know I'm not alone. My dd is going to love nursery (I was fairly crap at baby groups so looking forward to her making little friends) and I have some lovely days out planned.
All is well. Cheers!wine

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