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Is it just me or is having two young ones really fucking hard?

(42 Posts)
nomoreminibreaks Wed 28-Jan-15 13:10:25

I'm sure my story is nothing out of the ordinary - I have two boys, one is 4 in March and one turned 1 in January. I've been back at work since December (PT). DS2 sleeps very badly and I'm getting by on 3-4 hours in total each night. He BFs during the night so it's me who deals with it.

I enjoy being at work (I need the break to be honest) but getting everything done around that feels overwhelming. I'm trying to make changes to remove stress (hired a cleaner, moved hours around at work etc) but life just feels so hard!

I know it's all completely normal stuff - both boys are pretty well behaved, there aren't any 'real' problems - I just feel like I'm broken. After a particularly awful night last night (less than 3 hours' sleep) my immune system seems to have given up and I'm pretty ill today. I feel almost jealous of a colleague who's been signed off with exhaustion as she doesn't have children so can spend 3 weeks recovering and I don't have that option.

Am I just being a sleep- deprived drama queen or does anyone else feel the same?

rumbelina Wed 28-Jan-15 13:25:57

I have one and I'm knackered. It's never ending, there is always stuff to do. You may be sleep deprived but not a drama queen!

HumphreyCobbler Wed 28-Jan-15 13:29:53

It is very hard. I wasn't working at all during my time with two small ones, even so every day was a challenge.

I hope you feel better soon. I once found myself fantasizing that I would get a kidney stone as I would be given morphine and hospitalised and I WOULD BE ABLE TO SLEEP. shock

sliceofsoup Wed 28-Jan-15 13:31:17

I am a SAHM to a 6 yo and a 2yo. Even with the 6yo at school I still find it so hard, so you are a superhero in my eyes.

I can't wait until the 2yo is out of nappies. I feel like I am wishing her life away, but since we decided we aren't having anymore I just want to get to the next stage IYSWIM.

It sounds like maybe the BFs at night might need to go? I know thats probably easier said than done, but if you were getting a decent sleep things might not seem so hard. At 1 both mine were sleeping through most of the time.

Tallblue Wed 28-Jan-15 13:33:57

I find one hard... Two, I can't imagine!

Wherehasmysleepgone Wed 28-Jan-15 13:39:23

I only have one dc 10 months old and i have just returned to work PT, i struggle to find time to get anything done too and i only have one currently!!
Sleep deprivation can be soul destroying so know how you feel there, my ds only sleeps though the nights after nursery wishes he could go fulltime and other nights he tends to wake at ten and then either 1 or 5 for a bottle! Its frustrating because we know he can sleep through the night! Its only recently too that he has got better at night as he was only avergaing 2-3 hours before that.
I really want another but when im having a bad night i dont know if i would cope.
You are not a drama queen, being a mum is hard work at times. Im sure once you have a decent sleep you will feel better!
flowers

stressbucket1 Wed 28-Jan-15 14:36:44

I have 2 DD's 3 and 1 it is so hard and sleep deprivation is the pits. if I have had a good night's sleep I am much better at keeping on top of things throughout the day I regularly go to bed at 9.30 to make sure I get enough sleep I couldn't cope with 3-4 hrs So you are definitely not a drama queen!
Is an earlier bed time an option? not very social I know but its the only way I can function

LizzieMint Wed 28-Jan-15 14:42:08

You are not wrong. I have three, two now are school age and one pre-schooler. But the younger two have always been really poor sleepers, and I'm so conditioned to wake up now that even if they don't get up I the night, I often wake anyway. 7 years of broken nights has damn near broken me. I really think it must affect your health, I feel at least 10 years older than I am.
My DH has been really ill the last few days and all I feel is jealousy that he's got to spend a few days in bed, if only that were an option!

Nolim Wed 28-Jan-15 14:47:02

I cannot comment on having 2 but having one is hard

LackingCommonSense Wed 28-Jan-15 16:10:42

Agreed here - one is HARD. I don't know how people manage with two! I feel overwhelmed fitting everything in around work too, and they've been really flexible and supportive. Do what you can to get some sleep - go to bed early and I agree that perhaps dropping the BF'ing might help? I definitely couldn't function on 3-4 hours sleep! Everything is a bit more berable once you've had a good night. brewcakeflowers

ShowMeTheWonder Wed 28-Jan-15 16:24:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheepypeepy Wed 28-Jan-15 19:31:46

Can so relate to these comments, and wanting to run away to a hotel, my kids aren't even that hard but the 18 mo does not ever sleep, an extremely good night would be waking up only 3 times and going back to sleep within 10 mins. A normal night is waking up 5 times with one of those times being for 2 hours, and now she has decided that only I will do.

We have kind of stopped trying to get back to 'normal' and are just hoping she is like the older one who settled a lot at 2.5. So yes no social life, bed by 9.30 and sadly after being so kind to each other after a particularly rough period not much affection or even conversation between me and DP, we still kind of know we are on the same page but we are too tired to articulate it sad

People said having small children was hard but I never truly thought about what that meant - and flying in the face of logic I would never turn back the clock

BikeRunSki Wed 28-Jan-15 19:39:57

Mine are 3 years apart - Now 6 and 3. I found 4 and 1 the most exhausting time. It was also winter when I went back to work which didn't help. Although dd was no longer bf, she was a terrible sleeper and totally rejected dH at night. I remember going to work one day when I'd been awake for 21 hours...

Is your 4 year old at school? I found it got a bit easier then. DS suddenly became very independent.

And one day, your baby will sleep through the night.

kaffkooks Wed 28-Jan-15 19:40:43

I only have one and work pt and agree it's hard. It's great that you are prepared to say that as I think a lot of people try to appear fine. I think the challenge is to admit to other mums in real life that it's hard then we can support one another.

defineme Wed 28-Jan-15 19:41:54

I had 3 under 3...what really helped was watching jon and kate plus 8... puts things in perspective!

Thenutlookedgood Wed 28-Jan-15 19:44:11

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels like this. My DC, 3 and 7m seem to conspire so that one or other wakes every hour and a half through the night. It will get easier one day but until then I'm dreading going back to work.

tinymeteor Wed 28-Jan-15 19:48:34

On 3 hours sleep I doubt I could look after a pot plant. You are doing amazingly by the sound of it

TantricShift Wed 28-Jan-15 20:38:15

I have 2 DD's 5 and 1. DD1 was a terrible sleeper and didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. There was no way I was having that with DD2 so at about 12 months I did controlled crying for daytime naps and then for bed times. She started sleeping through every quickly after that. I sometimes hear or in the night but only get up if I can hear she is really awake. She is also still breastfeeding so I am careful not to give in to her demands as she would suck all night if I let her. I think it is all about habit. If you can break the feeding cycle you will get more sleep and feel better able to cope in the daytime. It was a revelation to me that I could cope once I had enough sleep, I truly believed motherhood was the most evil hell ever visited on a person (a view held due to 4 years of extreme sleep deprivation). And although I need 2 huge mugs of coffee in the morning I can usually make it through the day without crying.

nomoreminibreaks Wed 28-Jan-15 20:42:14

So glad it's not just me! I don't remember it being so bad going back after DS1 but I was working just two days and although he was a bad sleeper, he was so much better than DS2. DS1 starts school in September but he's quite independent already. It's mostly DS2 who is quite clingy and won't be out down much.

I've been trying to be more 'baby led' this time rather than trying to do what the books say like last time. In my better moments I feel happy with the choices I've made but now I feel like I have no idea what I should have done to get it right.

MissRabbitsCV Wed 28-Jan-15 20:42:21

DS1 has just turned 5. DS2 is 2.5. DH and I have recently noticed that it is just starting to get easier. Hold in there. There is hope!

Jackieharris Wed 28-Jan-15 20:49:18

Tbh if stop bf during the night.

You both need your sleep.

learnermummy Wed 28-Jan-15 20:52:42

It's really hard isn't it! I have three, aged 8, 5 and 18m. Particularly awful teething at the minute with hardly any sleep last night. I work part time but as I'm based at home I end up picking up all the extras and trying to fit in around work - today was middle son to doctors and plasterer round to quite. Last week was new tyre on car plus another doctors and another tradesman visit. I also can't say no (pta stuff) and try to fit in a hobby and keeping fit/losing weight! I feel like I might burn out soon! DH and I hardly have any time for each other either which isn't good. It must get easier.

learnermummy Wed 28-Jan-15 20:55:33

Meant to add that giving up breastfeeding in night really helped me. DH goes in to her if she wakes and sometimes she has a cup of milk (we keep cartons upstairs just in case!)

sillymillyb Wed 28-Jan-15 20:56:23

I just have 1 but I'm a lone parent and he is a crap sleeper - I used to also pray that I would get ill and need to goto hospital. I remember once I just couldn't function, ds was on a roundabout and was going to fall off. Everyone around us ran to grab him and I was so sleep deprived my reactions were off and I just stood there thinking I needed to move. It really frightened me, because whilst I knew I was broken, I hadn't realised it was so obvious. My best friend came and had ds for me for the night while I put ear plugs in - first sleep for more than 3 hours in a row in 2 years and it was incredible.

I know they say that parenting is hard, but God, it really really is, isn't it?

NimpyWWindowmash Wed 28-Jan-15 20:58:29

It is really hard work, that age.

I have 2 boys.

10 and 12 now, easy-peasy wink

you are right in the middle of the hardest phase.

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