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Am in a mess!!

(14 Posts)
fortheloveofmike Tue 27-Jan-15 07:31:28

Ds7 has for the last few weeks been extremely argumentative and angry with outbursts at home, at school he fine.
We had a bit of trouble at bedtime with him getting up for silly reasons so we put a rule in that he would not have his tablet if that happened but he could earn it back for after school. Last night he got up and said he was bored of lying down so I told him to go back to bed. This morning he asked for the tablet and I said no as he'd got up out of bed. He had a bit of a grump but then started to stomp around and huff and I said that behaving like that would mean no tablet for the whole day, I asked him to stop or he could go to his room( as he was scaring his little brother) so he stamped upstairs and then sat banging his feet on the floor. I went up and said that we have neighbours and to stop banging!! He just barks no back at me.. I then left him to it
He argues back at everything and is such hard work that removing all privileges does nothing, I want to tell him off and that be the end of it but he stomps around and then I tell him to stop and then we start arguing again.. How do I stop this vicious cycle as I really don't want this anymore.
I try to stay very calm but of late its so constant that I have found myself being nasty back at him and I hate myself for that..
We have such lovely days too and we are very cuddly and I always tell him I'm proud of his behaviour or that he was kind or helpful etc so we do praise him and spend time with him. Any advice or help is appreciated

fortheloveofmike Tue 27-Jan-15 09:05:21

Anyone?

Picklesauage Tue 27-Jan-15 17:36:41

My 3 instant reactions were;
- hormones
- something bothering him
- brain development

All of which are perfectly normal and occur lots, so could explain why it's happening, but it's worth remembering that the behaviour shouldn't be accepted because of these things.
My first course of action would be to find a time when he is calm and you are both relaxed (maybe go out for hot chocolate or a walk or something) and ask him why he is behaving like this. Does he know? Does him body or mind feel like his own? Often boys this age will say 'I don't know why I did it.' Or 'I wondered what would happen'. If that is the case talk about brain developments and hormones and what they are like. Then talk about strategies of how to deal. Also try to offer an upside to these 'growing up' things. Later bedtime? Ordering own meals at restaurants etc?

If it is something bothering him just let him talk, or not as the case may be. Just let him know you are there in a relaxed way if he does change his mind.

These are just my opinions, largely based on years of teaching and friends children as my own DD is only 3.

Good luck!

imip Tue 27-Jan-15 17:43:24

Ah, my dd8 is really rude and back chatty also at the moment.

Just a thought, if bed time is causing a problems, would he listen to an audio book? Hard to be disruptive if you're trying to listen!

fortheloveofmike Tue 27-Jan-15 22:08:22

Thanks for your replies.. he can listen to an audio book if he wants but sometimes he does or other times he doesn't want to.
I have sat and chatted to him when we are all.calm and he says he's doesn't know why..
Tonight is an example. We had a lovely afternoon and teatime, snuggled on the sofa and read a book, then he got ready for bed and we had kisses and cuddles and he got into bed. I allowed him to watch an episode of his favourite programme as he'd gone to bed slightly earlier to allow for this. 2 hours later he comes downstairs saying his legs hurt( we think it's growing pains) so I gave him medicine and took him up, he then said he wasn't going back to bed as he hates his bed and its too hot. I told him to take duvet off and id get him a sheet but he said that wouldn't work. I then said no arguments it's time to go to sleep.. he then started banging and I had to bring him out as he'd wake his brother. Cue 30 mins of him refusing to get back to bed.. we told him he had no choice and that he had lost all privileges but he said he doesn't care. We can't physically drag up his ladder to bed so we just went to bedoourselves and turned all the lights out and ignored him. Ten.mins later he went to.bed himself and was asleep in 15 or so minutes..
Is there something wrong? Should we do something else.. feel out of my depth

fortheloveofmike Wed 28-Jan-15 06:15:36

When he is point blank refusing to get into bed and making such a fuss what do I do.. if he didn't share with his toddler brother id just put him into his room and close the door. Should we move toddler into.our room or would that make it.worse as DS keeps saying he wants to be in our room..
am normally a good parent but christ im stuck with this!!!

imip Wed 28-Jan-15 06:40:11

Argh, that sounds annoying! You sound like you're doing the right thing...

I have a 8 and 6yo that share. My6yo suffers from anxiety, I'm now glad she does all her kicking off at actually bed time, not later!

Interesting though, they will sometimes stay awake past 10pm. I let them do this because they are usually getting along well, good for the 6 yo who often struggles with behaviour, I hear my 8yo laughing away when she is reading David Walliams. But I do recognise the same thing that they are actually staying awake much later than bed time.

I took them swimming last night, they were knackered... Could being active after school help? Sleep consultant? Ois he worried about something?

Cedar03 Wed 28-Jan-15 07:55:35

Sounds a bit like my 7 year old daughter. Grumpiness, answering back, pushing boundaries.

I don't necessarily have the anwers but what I'm trying to do is not shout back but keep my voice low and calm. Have you tried a positive target rather than a negative one. So rather than removing the tablet and that being the threat for his bedtime behaviour having a positive aim. "If you stay in bed and don't disturb your brother then we'll do xxx at the weekend".

Have you looked at bedtimes? Is it worth pushing it back a bit?
We know our 7 year old isn't going to sleep when we turn the light off , she often reads with her lamp. This is a change in behaviour for her.

I told her the other day that it makes me sad and unhappy when she's rude and shouty. It seems to have helped this week (but don't know for how long).

deborahc123 Wed 28-Jan-15 12:38:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fortheloveofmike Wed 28-Jan-15 13:58:28

What got deleted?
Thanks for the other replies. Good to know we're not the only ones

fortheloveofmike Wed 28-Jan-15 17:31:55

Fingers crossed for tonight!! Have some books he can read and we've had a chat about fun at the weekend...
Good job I love him eh grin

Cedar03 Thu 29-Jan-15 13:06:40

So how did you get on? Any kind of improvement?

fortheloveofmike Thu 29-Jan-15 14:48:57

Huge improvement!! He whined a bit about going to bed but I kept it all cheery. Then once he was in bed he got all cross and I told him I'd be back in ten mins if he laid down.. so I.went back and he was still a bit cross but I told him I loved him n how much I was looking forward to the weekend with him and he just went to sleep!!
Will have to keep at it as I suspect it'll rear it's head again
Thanks for asking

fortheloveofmike Fri 30-Jan-15 20:43:31

So it would seem we are having major separation anxiety issues.. that were masked by his tantrums. Hes been in bits tonight as he wants me to stay and ive stayed with him a bit and now am checking him every five mins as I promised him.. hes quiet and will prob fall asleep..
Anyone have experience of seperation anxiety at age 7 ish?

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