To calm DS down after his friend left a playdate
If I do a bit of a run down can you tell me if this is normal/badly handled/excessive please? He is six. (Apologies if it takes you 40 minutes to read it )
I gave them five minute warning.
Friend's dad arrived. They ran off to "hide". OK fair enough. I played along, said "Ooh this sofa looks lumpy! Let's bash out the lumps!" etc to much giggling. Ohhh look it's two boys! Surprise etc. They run off to hide again in DS' room. "This is a really good hiding place!" Again we play along, oh, where are they, can't think where they are. I get DS out by tickling and say "Okay, good call, but time to go now"
Friend wants to show his dad one of DS' toys. Does so. OK. Nice segway out of the bedroom to the hallway. Dad tells friend it's time to get shoes and coat on. They've sort of wriggled past the coats back to the living room. Friend goes to hide again on sofa. DS tries to climb over back of it to get to him. I pull him down (not allowed to climb there). They end up in some kind of dance where friend is pulling dad in one direction and DS is pulling him in another, Dad plays along and says "Don't worry if you pull my arm off, I have 10 spare arms at home". We're getting a bit stuck back and forth again so I say "Friend, can you remember where you put your hat and shoes?" DS is cajoling him to go and hide again. I try to involve him. "DS can you remember where friend left his coat and shoes?" Friend's dad is talking about it being teatime for everyone.
DS responds "No! Tell them you can't find them! Let's hide!" etc. I grab DS gently and say quietly to him "Come on, it's time for friend to go home now. He's got to have his tea. Let's sit in here while friend gets ready and then you can say goodbye" while friend's dad sort of moves him into the hallway and starts assembling coats etc. DS is not letting up or calming down so I end up literally restraining him and holding him back, he and friend are reaching out to each other and giggling. I say to dad to just push the door closed between them so they can't see each other, which he does.
DS is struggling the entire time, flailing legs, darting about, trying to get past, turning it into a game almost (he laughs when he thinks he's got past me, but I'm still stronger than him.) Friend is finished, so opens the door. I try to plaster on an "I'm totally coping and in control and cool!" smile and say "Okay, DS, time to say goodbye!" start saying bye to friend, lovely to have you, thanks for coming etc. DS and Friend are now holding hands as though they are dangling off a cliff, never to be parted. (This is a pretty standard goodbye for them, having to be peeled off each other). Friend's dad makes some joke about The Force. I do that weird semi-apology thing and explain they have been fine and lovely all afternoon but it's as soon as parents turn up they go crazy. We calculate how many hours it is until they see each other again (about 2.5 awake hours.) I dislodge DS' hand and hold him back a bit, as friend is teetering at the top of the stairs and I'm worried his dad is worried he will fall down. He then sort of hovers for a few extra seconds while I'm thinking "Smile and wave! Now is your chance! Gooooo!" and doing the cheerful "Bye then! See you tomorrow!" thing. DS' t-shirt and hair are soaked with sweat at this point because of how much he's been fighting.
He's not really leaving so I decide to just go with looking insane and back away with DS just out of sight while waving. DS continues to struggle and try to get back to his friend until I hear the main door go downstairs, at which point I find it safe to let DS go and close our front door. Now, DS LOSES HIS SHIT and starts hitting and punching me. He hasn't done this for a really long time, so I'm thrown and start trying to restrain him again while saying "Stop it! Stop hitting me!". I remember the protocol, inform him he now has a screen ban and try to get him into his room to calm down. This doesn't help. I do the usual not-coming-out-of-room threat (both favourite games banned for a whole week, which is far more excessive than normal) but immediately realise he is not in any frame of mind to listen to this either, so give up on keeping him in his room and instead shut myself in my bedroom with my back to the door. DS stands behind me and kicks, pushes, rams the door to try and open it repeatedly while shouting that he hates me, he will never play with me ever again, that I'm stupid, etc etc. I just ignore this although it's taking all of my strength now to make sure the door does not move. After about 7-8 minutes he gives up and goes back to his room. I sit there for a minute or two more in case he's taking a breather to come back (not unheard of) and then hear him start crying. At first I think it's fake crying, then I can't work it out, then fake again, then, no, that's real, then it stops, then I think fake again. I'm not sure what's going on. It's now twenty five minutes since the dad arrived. Anyway he doesn't seem to be coming back, so I go and knock on his door and ask if he's OK. He says no and sounds angry but I think the crying was real crying. He says he's upset he has a screen ban and he doesn't have anything to do. I say well, you should have thought of that.
However, I'm sensing that he is really quite upset and I thought it might be a good time to connect so I decided to sit down and talk to him. We found out he feels so sad when he has to say goodbye to his friend. He feels like he never has a chance to finish his game. They were having so much fun and they didn't have enough time. He can't control himself when it happens. (TBH, I think he's picked up this phrase and thinks it's a get out clause.) I asked him what would make it easier for him to control himself and at first he said "Nothing." but then he said "More time." How much more time, five minutes. OK so I promised to warn them 5 minutes earlier next time. Lengthy discussion about how much time they had and what five minutes means. We were going around in circles so I agreed to that and got up to make his dinner.
End. And he's perfectly fine and normal and cheerful after this, some whining about the screen ban, but nothing out of the ordinary. He even came up with something non screen related to do (shocker). But, really? I mean, after this he did actually empty his bag and his lunch was half eaten. So he could have been low-blood-sugar-ing. But still, what a bloody... argh. Are other six year olds like this or do I just have an exceptionally persistent and/or emotional one??
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40 minutes it has taken me
25 replies
BertieBotts · 19/01/2015 17:17
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MoreSnowPlease ·
19/01/2015 21:56
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MoreSnowPlease ·
19/01/2015 22:09
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