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(8 Posts)
joshijen Thu 15-Jan-15 11:39:32

New to this and don't know if the above is a current acronym but it stands for end of my tether! Daughter is 9 - 10 in late summer and we have struggled with bedtime for as long as I can remember. She will go to bed dragging her heels which hubby & I can handle but once in and after sometimes reading for a while with or without me but always getting kisses & cuddles and "tucked in" by both of us, she has got up again almost every night without fail. Sometimes this happens 5 or 6 times.Her reasons vary from noisy wind/weather outside, to being too warm/too cold, to anxiety about her health - a spot or cough or any minor thing (is major to her), tv too quiet/too loud?, having something she "must" tell us there & then, not wanting to get up and go to the toilet on her own - the list goes on. We've tried gentle reasoning, explanations, punishment, giving her supper, not giving her supper, varying her bedtime.... She is allowed into our bed one night a week (at the weekend), we live in a pretty quiet neighbourhood, she has a lovely comfy bed & room, we always leave a nightlight on in her room and in the hall outside. We hardly ever go out either alone or together but when we do, she is usually okay with my Mum who babysits.She is very intelligent with an active imagination and a happy little girl during the day who gets on well at school and has lots of friends.Hubby & I get very little time to ourselves to relax as we are early bedders due to him having to get up early for work during the week and it is stressing us out totally and sometimes winds up with us shouting at her which we instantly feel bad about. I want my daughter to be able to go to bed and go to sleep without her worrying about anything and everything and bedtime not ending on a sour note. It would be heaven if we didn't sit downstairs each night feeling tense, waiting for the evening's excuses to start. Usually kicks off about ten to fifteen minutes after settling her down. Am really starting to think we need to take her to GP to have a child psychologist referral made. Blame myself to a degree as I used to read her a story then sit and hold her hand until she fell asleep when she was tiny but gradually moved away from that. Thought it would be like her dummy - she gave that up easily enough before she was two even though she loved it. Would never send her to bed without kisses & cuddles but is it too much to be allowed some adult time? Think not as we have to be healthy to be there for her but tension is wearing us down.

BeautyQueenFromMars Thu 15-Jan-15 14:35:50

My DS has a CD player and a load of story CDs to listen to when he goes to bed. Could something like that help at all?

Also, apologies if you've tried this, but once you've said goodnight (after story, last glass of of water) and it's time for her to sleep, then when she gets up again have you tried ignoring her? Or even just taking her by the hand and leading her back to bed, without making eye contact or talking or acknowledging her in any other way?

Would sending her to bed a bit later help at all? I completely understand the need for alone, adult time, believe me! But if her bedtime is pushed back by half an hour then maybe she'd be tired enough to settle. You may get less time with your DH, but if it works, the time won't be spent on edge waiting for DD to get up again.

I really hope you manage to resolve this, I do understand how you feel as my DS used to be like your DD when he was younger.

joshijen Fri 16-Jan-15 09:40:14

Hi - thanks for comments.Have tried varying her bedtime but it's really difficult trying to ignore her - that just seems to make her hysterical. Leading her back to bed , not talking etc. also tricky as she resists. Will possibly try CD thing although reading doesn't make a difference but it's worth a try. Thanks again!

CuddlesAndShit Fri 16-Jan-15 09:53:24

Oh god, I feel for you - I could have written your post word for word! My dd is 7 and we are having the exact same problem. We tried letting her read until she fell asleep, buying her an mp3 player to listen to music, even in desperation let her watch a film on her tablet in bed until she fell asleep (against all my instincts as I won't even let her have a tv in her room! ). It all worked for a few days then it was back to the same. ..

We are so worn down with it that right now she just sleeps in bed with me while my dh goes in with our 4 year old blush We are just too exhausted. But what did work for us is letting her go to sleep in our bed then dh moving her back into her own bed once she was asleep and we were about to turn in. Not ideal but it was the only thing that gave us the evening with out any stress.

I'm also considering taking her to the doctors as this cannot continue. My dd is very much like yours by the sound of it, is your dd very sensitive by any chance? Mine is a total worrier and upsets herself very easily and I'm sure that's a big part of it.

I will be watching this thread very closely to see if anyone has any advice! I really hope it resolves somehow for you, I know just how draining it is flowers

joshijen Fri 16-Jan-15 10:41:21

CuddlesAndShit Hi - so alike! I don't let DD have TV in room either and limit her time on devices - always make sure she stops at least an hour before bedtime.Have tried her in with us then moving but she usually wakes up and I can't face another potential drama at that point.She is very sensitive, complete worrier and takes things very much to heart.Got a suggestion on another thread I like which was keeping a notebook by the side of her bed for her to write down any worries etc. Think this is good as she like to write things down and sometimes finds it easier to write than say. Also this should help get it out of her head if she puts it down on paper then I can look at it and talk it over with her next morning. She seems to like this idea. Will let you know how it goes...... Thanks for kind thoughts

CuddlesAndShit Fri 16-Jan-15 10:49:54

The notebook is a fab idea, I may try that myself!
Our dd's sound like two peas in a pod, I completely know what you mean about not being able to face the drama. Plus I am very conscious about not adding to any anxiety she is feeling - the conflicting advice I have had about reassuring her and riding it out vs just being firm and putting her to bed and ignoring the hysterics....I just feel like I'm always doing something wrong.
Please do keep us updated. If I come across any revelations of my own I will be sure to let you know!

joshijen Fri 23-Jan-15 11:20:13

Well, good news (so far). Have tried the notebook thing for a week now and dd has not got up once or been crying/shouting when I went downstairs or after to get me back up again. Am not counting chickens as there hasn't been really noisy weather outside , for example, but she has been using her notebook and we have a wee chat in the morning so I can reassure her about anything she has written and am cautiously optimistic & extremely relieved!

BeautyQueenFromMars Fri 23-Jan-15 11:35:21

Brilliant! grin
Fingers firmly crossed that it continues...

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