We are expecting our first and only DC in the Spring, and since she has known, my mum (who is a total drama queen) hasn't missed an opportunity to say in the direst tones "you won't know what's hit you/it will be a struggle to cope" and things to that effect...
I know that there will be challenges (especially as I love my sleep), but I am getting frightened because she is just going on and on like this, and it's making me panic and lose confidence before I've even started.
I am fairly calm and organised (although I know the baby won't be 
), and I know and accept that we're going to be muddling through for a good while, but she is making it sound impossible - like total unrelenting chaos is the only possible scenario for the foreseeable future. And all of her warnings - some supposedly humorous, but some definitely not - are freaking me out when I should be looking forward to being a mum, after many, many years of waiting.
I don't think I'm being unrealistic in my expectations - I've done a lot of reading on MN and bought a good "tell it like it is" book that lots of you recommend, and I know it's not going to be like it is in the adverts. I've also helped to bring up (albeit only from the toddler stage) my DH's two DC, so I do have a vague idea what it'll be like. I think.
Your thoughts/advice gratefully received.
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Parenting
Life with a newborn...what is it really like?
hrpufnstuf · 14/01/2015 09:25
Depends on the newborn!
DD1. DH described it like a baby bomb had gone off in our lives. She screamed all day and all night, and rarely slept. 10 minutes was about average. 40 minutes was good. She had silent reflux.
DD2 was sleeping more at 2 weeks than DD1 did at 7 months! Very contented baby. Feeds, sleeps and smiles. We still haven't adjusted!
Good luck, OP!
I was talking about this with DH last night actually as some friends have just had their first. Depsite reading up and being fairly prepared (so we thought) it completely bamboozled us tbh, but I get the impression we were quite OTT!
We both like routine and order and apparently newborns don't! (who knew? ) What threw me the most however was how difficult breastfeeding was (DS had a slight tongue tie, couldn't latch properly and ended up with low blood sugar so we had to stay in hospital for 4 days trying to sort it) and also how emotional I'd be! I'm not an emotional person usually and I just couldn't stop crying during that first week!
After we got through the first week though, things got easier. I found one of those feeding apps helped as they made us feel slightly more in control I think!
It upsets me to think I found those first days with my amazing little boy so traumatic. I want to have another one so I can 'do it properly'!
Congratulations though! You sound quite relaxed about it. Tell your Mum to back off!
It's not always chaos and struggle. Personally I found the really early months quite boring and relentless in terms of what it was like day-to-day. (no-one warned me about that!) We followed a routine from pretty early on, DD slipped into it well, we were all calm most of the time, it was summer & we spent a lot of time outside... Horror stories make the best stories, but it's by no means a given that it's going to be horrendous.
For DH and I, I think the biggest 'you won't know what's hit you' things were in the lifestyle changes that come with having a child - I found mat leave & being at home all the time hard, not being able to go out in the evening on a whim as a couple, things like that.
Your mum probably thinks she's helping by preparing you for a worst case scenario, but it's by no means a given. Don't panic, you sound like you're preparing yourself as much as you can - but actually no-one knows how it's going to be until the little person actually arrives and you start to all get to know each other Good luck!
My mum did the same. In her case, it was so that I'd let her come and stay for two weeks after the birth 
I refused and DH and I coped fine for the first two or three weeks.
However, it got really hard after that (DS1 was a difficult, screamy, wakeful baby). My mum was about as much help as an ashtray on a motorbike and just made me feel guilty for not phoning her as often as she wanted.
Anyway, as PP have said, depends on the baby. My DS2 was easy.
She is not you. Your baby will set the agenda, and you'll respond the best way you know how. End of story.
The truth in what your mum says is that you just do not know what it will be like until you do it. BUT no one can predict what kind of baby you will get or how you will cope.
It's hard work because you have no idea what you are doing, no matter how many books you read it's all instinct really, and that's just mentally draining. Even a good sleeper will disrupt your usual sleeping pattern and you will be tired, and physically you will need to recover from the birth for a couple of weeks.
You will be fine. My advice is just don't try to be superwoman and just concentrate on enjoying and caring for your baby. Don't look at others and think they are doing a better job than you are or aren't finding it as hard. Take advice with a smile, a nod and a pinch of salt unless you ask for it.
Congratulations 
Hi OP, I'm not a parent but I work with parents and just have to say that you sound very clued up about what to expect. You're not expecting it to be a fairytale, or to be plain sailing and you know that you can only prepare so much. Your mum doesn't sound very helpful - some people just love being the voice of doom. Good luck to you, hope it goes well 
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I found it easier than being heavily pregnant, which I hated. I could tie my shoes and sleep in any position I wanted! I felt my body was my own again (the bleeding is no big deal if you've ever had a heavy period)
The only advice I'd give is to discuss nighttimes with your DH. We'd decided I'd do them all and he'd do all the cooking as a tradeoff, and bring me cups of tea on request as I fed on the sofa. I thought of nights as a "night shift", a job, and that helped. It gets resentful if you feel you're getting nothing in return for "working" all day and all night.
Also realise that babys need to be rocked/shushed to sleep and newborns almost need to sleep every hour. We had a lot of screaming fits in the first two weeks which were in hindsight overtiredness, but we thought he couldn't possibly be tired as he'd been asleep just two hours before! We couldn't figure out why he was crying. We assumed if he was tired he'd just drop off himself. Oh God, the naivete!
Oh and Lanishoh, lots of Lanisoh. I never had a bit of trouble with my nipples cos I slathered it on so religiously. I had one tube downstairs and one upstairs. So that was honestly fine.
Yep! Still easier than pregnancy!
Just remember that at the end of it all, you are going to be meeting the love of your life. There will be lots of washing, you'll lose out on sleep, and you'll have sore boobs etc but that's all peripheral to the incredible experience it is, creating a life and getting to know the fantastic little person the baby will be.
That's not to say you'll never feel down or overwhelmed, we all have. A few days in (and occasionally 7.5 years in) 
you may feel like saying "What have I done" or "I can't cope" but there are plenty more good times than bad!
Life with a newborn can be tricky but it's mostly down to the pressure you choose to put on yourself. If you decide that you're going to choose to relax and go with the flow, then it may be easier than if you try to keep going, get into a routine, have lots of people round and maintain a spotless house etc.
My advice would be: accept help where it's offered. Batch cook and fill your freezer with meals beforehand, keep lots of grabbable snacks in, and maybe cartons of juice so you don't go hungry/thirsty, especially if you're planning on breastfeeding. Oaty things are good, they boost your breastmilk. I've heard of women asking for their husbands to make up an extra packed lunch the night before so they don't have to think about what to eat for lunch.
Make a little station where you sit to feed, with all the necessary remotes, wipes, nappies, a couple of babygrows, sick cloths, v shaped pillow, maybe have your phone or laptop charger plugged in within reach.
Get a baby swing seat as people have said. Get a sling so you can walk round with them attached. Sleep when they sleep as much as you can. If you're formula feeding, invest in many cartons of formula for the first few weeks, or at least do it at night so you can take up a couple of sterilised bottles, cartons of milk and a pair of scissors. Easy no fuss feeding, no stumbling downstairs to the fridge (even easier if bf works out, obviously!)
Get yourself a nice dressing gown if you don't already have one, it'll be handy for hospital if you're going there, and in the first weeks afterwards it's great to be able to throw on if people knock on the door. You may still be in your pyjamas all day at 2pm. It doesn't matter because it's a short few weeks, before you know it you'll be in some kind of routine and you'll be feeling more normal.
Dry shampoo is great for when you don't have time for a shower. But don't be afraid to put baby in a bouncy chair/car seat on the bathroom floor while you shower. No baby ever died of crying for 3 minutes while you have a quick wash (although you might feel panicky that they're crying. We're supposed to, it's part of the mothering instinct) they will be ok.
The housework will go by the wayside a bit. Don't worry too much about dust and non-essential stuff, just try to keep on top of washing the babyclothes and your everyday clothes. Kitchen, bathroom, bins. Antibacterial floor wipes are fab for wiping over the entire bathroom quickly. ASK for help if you need it, don't wait for offers, especially from men who often can't see what needs to be done and need to be told specifics.
By the way, baby vests have wide necks so you can pull them down the body and off that way, when they've had a big pooey blowout, so you don't have to drag the pooey vest over the head. And changing mats are to be used with the padded end at the feet, so if they wee on the mat the wee will be contained. Somewhat.
Hope this helps. Chin up, it's going to be fab! I'd do it all again (a fourth time) in a heartbeat.
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