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What is going on with my child.

(7 Posts)
tipp2chicago Tue 13-Jan-15 10:29:40

I'm getting to the end of my tether here.

DD is 2y7mo. She's generally pretty good, usually fairly cheerful, not really a tantrummy toddler (knock on wood). But she is stuck to me, so clingy and it's driving me nuts.

Usual weekday goes something like this:

I wake up and try to slide out of bed. She wakes up and freaks out and is inconsolable while I am in the shower (for all of 3 minutes). DH tries to soothe her while I am in the shower and lets me know just how upset she was while I was in there. (EG This morning - "She was hegging so bad she could hardly take a breath"). I get her and me dressed and drop her to the nursery (in our estate, so literally a 2 minute walk). She may or may not lose her reason when I drop her off, at about 8.30.

I collect her again between 5.30 and 6 and bring her home. We have a cuddle and she has some milk, and then I try to get on with some chores. I cannot take a step without her being with me. I sit her on the counter to "help" me make dinner, she "helps" me vacuum, mop, do laundry etc. I'm ok with the "help" but not with her being stuck to me like a limpet at all times.

Bedtime is another battle. I generally try to bring her up at about 7.30-8.00. She is obsessed with watching people open "surprise eggs" on YouTube. Last night took 4 hours and I was thisclose to throwing my mobile out the window in an effort to stop it. I'm thinking of cutting out screen time altogether.

If I try to leave the house without her, she freaks out. If I try to pee without her, she freaks out. You get the picture.

DH helpfully suggested this morning that it was all my fault because I'm always angry with her and now she's not sure of me. I'm not saying he's wrong, but this morning when I was exhausted might not have been the best time to say it to me.

I started reading the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and it had some good ideas, so I'm going to try starting that again tonight, but what the feck do I do about the clinginess? We did have some disruption during the autumn, but this is just taking the piss. (Holidays, DH 2 week business trip, change to a "big girl bed" were some of the things). DH and I have a voucher for 2 nights away and we're afraid we won't be able to go.

Sorry, this is kind of all over the place, but I'm actually addled.

Chickz Tue 13-Jan-15 13:22:13

Watching. I have a clingy 15 month old. I find with her everything has to be on her terms.
It's not ok for me to put her down on floor. But it's ok for her to slide off my lap. She doesn't let me do anything in the kitchen. Cries until I pick her up.
It's so exhausting.
It's been a very long phase this and I really hope it will pass soon.
I hope some one will be along with some advice.
Some times I find that if I invest in spending qualiy time with dd in the morning then she may not cling as much for the rest of the day? Worth a try maybe?

Awakeagain Tue 13-Jan-15 13:34:55

I know you need to have tea and get chores done but could you plan some easy teas (throw it all in, slow cooker etc) so that when you arrive home you have some time with her?
It sounds like she just wants to be with you, d's is 2y 2 minths and is happy playing by himself but checks in when in in the kitchen to see wisdom doing, have a look at the te, ask me to come back and play etc
Could it be that if she had this but if time the other times would be easier?

Griffomais Tue 13-Jan-15 18:37:14

It's perhaps that she just misses you? Does she go to nursery every day except weekends? Hope things improve for you it must be very exhausting.

Jenny1231990 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:44:30

I think she just misses you. I mean if she goes to nursery 8.30 until 6 that's a long day in her eyes not to see her mummy. Then you come home and try have her in bed for 7.30-8, she doesn't have a lot of time with you so to speak. I suggest like others have said. Something easy, slow cooker for tea, then spend those couple of hours with her. Could you do the bits of chores once she's in bed? X
I hope things do improve for you x

TripleRocks Tue 13-Jan-15 18:55:04

Sounds like an ideal candidate for love bombing

TiedUpWithString Wed 14-Jan-15 10:51:34

Mornings look difficult to tackle but evenings I think could be resolved and the mornings might follow:

So you collect her at 1730-1800 (aim for earlier than later). Record In the night garden and the Cbeebies bedtime story if you have the ability. If not don't worry.

When you get in, forget the chores. You have a finite amount of time with your DD don't waste it faffing about with chores. Get in and make her up what I call in my house a snacky tea a plate of sandwiches, fruit a yoghurt and a drink etc and sit with her while she has it (you have tea and a snack) and talk about your days. Ask her what her favourite bit of the day was, tell her yours (picking her up from nursery and getting a giant cuddle is a suggestion). Cuddle up on the sofa with a blanket and read a couple of stories together or do some colouring. Then warm bath (maybe you could get in with her) with plenty of playing in the bath and messing around. Into PJs and to the living room with warm milk for the aforementioned telly. If you record it you can cut in the night garden by 15 mins. Cuddle up and watch it with her. Teeth, bed, 2 stories and a few songs night night.

If she gets all this attention which should be done by 1930 she might be happy. At the moment she's battling with a bunch of inanimate objects and your distraction for attention. In the mornings, gradually she might relax more if she's getting bags of evening attention. Or you could wake her, cuddle her tell her how much you love her then say, 'right mummy is a bit of a stinker so a shower is in order and go for the 3 mins'. Invite her to chat to you in the bathroom, talk about the day ahead or get her in the shower with you.

Reference the egg opening on YouTube -I hear you! My DD would do the same given the chance! In the end, I got rid of the youtube app on my ohone and tablet so she would have had to type it in on the browser! It worked and she no longer asks for peppa pig, eggs etc. Also blue screen (phones, tablets back-lit e readers) time before bed interfers with sleeping patterns and should be avoided. Switch your phone off when you get in and put it away. She'll soon forget.

Yes, your house will be messier and you'll eat dinner later but your DD will be happier and hopefully so will you. Oh and by the way I work full time and pick my DD up similar hours and at age 2.7 I was doing it with no other support. That routine is mine and it worked really well. I had the same issues as you. I had dog hair balls rolling across the floor at times or heaps of laundry. Don't sweat it. DD never seemed unhappy by mess!

Hth

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