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Your own past vs. what you hope for your children(4 Posts)
Just wondered if anyone can recommend a book or website or article or anything dealing with the idea that you may have done things in your past that you would not want your children to do.
My children are small at the moment but already there are things they have asked about where how I behaved is now how me and DH would want them to behave.
For example, they are being brought up Muslim so no drinking alcohol but I am from a different background and did drink in the past but don't now.
If the children ask, I would tend to say "well, I used to but I didn't really like the taste (true) and it's not very good for you and your religion also says it's not something you should do".
I feel like honesty is the best policy - let them learn that you are not perfect and maybe have made mistakes or done things that you would not wish them to do.
I raise this as DH and I had an argument over the weekend when DD (6) asked me directly about whether I had previous boyfriends. He doesn't want the idea of multiple relationships normalized too much and feels we should lie about this (he had one long term girlfriend in uni and also an early teens girlfriend) to protect them.
I feel that we can keep things private but should generally be honest for honesty's sake but also so that if they do have relationship issues and the like, they might seek advice without thinking that we don't have a clue as we only ever had each other. Possibly lessen the "what would you know anyway?!" sort of thing that we are likely to face either way when they hit teens and also not create a sort of idealistic idea that the only way to go is to fall in love and marry that person. I think it's possible, of course, but unusual.
Anyway, that is just one example of an issue and I have rambled on. Fundamentally, I am looking for an article to support that honesty is the best policy even relating to things you are not proud of/would rather they do not do themselves. Any ideas?
hmm...there is this which suggests maybe I might be wrong - what you should tell your children about your own past
DD is only 6 months so I have no experience!
I do believe honesty is best - but emphasising the consequences of actions and why you don't want children to follow the same path.
I think a sort of airbrushed version of honesty is probably best.
And then, I suppose, I have to know where to draw the lines.
DH mentioned to DD that some things are private and we may not want to discuss them or go into detail and I think that is probably fair.
Thanks for your response.
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