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Baby blues... What helps?

(5 Posts)
joeschmoesmum Sun 11-Jan-15 17:36:53

I am guessing I am having a case of the baby blues... Had DS2 unexpectedly and a bit early last Monday, so he is now 6 days old and lying next to me in his cot.

Everyone says I am doing well, but I am terrified of DH going back to work tomorrow, being left alone with two kids (DS1 is 18 months) and especially worried about taking good enough care of DS2, while feeling guilty about DS1. We adopted DS1 age 9 months, so do not have experience of newborns ang terrified I will do something wrong (suspect all first time mums are like that).

I am particularly worried about the evenings. We have Decided that DH will sleeping guest room in order for him to actually get some sleep, as he needs to be fresh for work and generally supporting me (which he is doing an ace job at) but I feel so lonely on my own with baby. I have come to fear the nights, especially as baby will not sleep unless on me/next to me... Terrified of SIDS and falling asleep with him... (I have read all the guidelines btw)

I guess I know a lot of is just hormones, but worried it will turn intoPND. What helped you in similar situations? Did talking/being around other new mums help?

Bellyrub1980 Sun 11-Jan-15 19:05:45

I had terrible baby blues so I'm sending a virtual hug your way. It won't necessarily turn into PND, mine didn't.

My symptoms were as follows:

Anxious,
Scared,
Constantly buzzing on adrenaline, Insomnia,
Obsessing over every noise the baby made (with particular focus on any possible choking noise), Sadness at the loss of my old amazing life,
Wondering if I was capable of looking after a baby,
Not sure I even loved the baby but felt an overwhelming sense of duty to watch her constantly,
Constantly apologetic that I'd ruined my DP's paternity leave with non-stop crying

I could probably go on. I remember it all very clearly.

However at about 3 weeks... It stopped! I'm not sure why, but it did. And with each week I have felt better than the last. I still get the occasional bout of anxiety but it passes.

And I love my baby more than I could ever have imagined. It WAS worth it!!

Zipfeldad Mon 12-Jan-15 06:47:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

joeschmoesmum Mon 12-Jan-15 09:57:45

Thank you both for the advice. Just the fact that I know I'm not alone helps!!

Bellyrub that's exactly how I feel. Every single one of your points has been in my thought patterns these last couple of days. I hope it stops for me too. Although today I seem to be better anyway, despite being in my own - I have an overwhelming sense if achievement for keeping both boys alive, safe, happy, fed and clean since he left for work 4 hours ago...

zipfeld the practical advice is also helpful. I will definitely try keeping the cot warm - I have a suspicion that. It might well be that. Also a worn t shirt in the bed can't harm. He does have a cradle (his Moses basket is on cradle legs, which he finds comforting in the day, but not at night it seems...).

Thanks again for the advice- it's good to know I'm not alone in this.

Bellyrub1980 Mon 12-Jan-15 10:54:49

I think the term 'baby blues' sounds far too sweet for what it actually is. Probably the 2 hardest weeks of my life!!

I think my partner going back to work did help me in a way. One of my anxieties was how I would cope alone. And once I got through a whole day without him I realised that I could cope and it got gradually better from there.

My only aim every day was to make sure I had a shower first thing. That moment straight after the baby has her first feed is the best time for me. Stick her in the bouncy chair and go for it. She probably cried the first 10 times!! But is used to it now. I also got a shower curtain with brightly coloured pictures on it so she at least had something vaguely interesting to stare at!!

The other thing I now find invaluable is a sling. It took practice to get it right and for my baby to get used to it, but now after her second feed I stick her in there and she sleeps for a good hour, sometimes 2, and I can get the house straight.

I'm not sure why, but a shower and a tidy house just makes me feel happier about life in general.

As the weeks went on I gained confidence in leaving the house. This is a really good way of lifting your mood. Find a way of getting out everyday, sunlight and fresh air will help your baby sleep at night, and you won't feel trapped.

The ONLY thing that would get me through having another baby would be the knowledge that those crazy first weeks get better. You have the pressure of another child without the benefit of that experience. So I can't stress that enough to you. It will get better, you will start to enjoy it!

flowers

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