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10 year gap between kids? Anyone done it?

(18 Posts)
saltedcaramelicious Sat 10-Jan-15 09:36:21

I have a 10yo ds from a previous relationship, my ex and I share residency 50/50. I have a partner and we're both really keen to have a baby. I am bit apprehensive about going back to the baby stage after such a long gap. I don't know whether my fears are normal or whether it's a sign I'm not actuallyready for another one at all.
Has anyone else done it and how did you cope with it?
How was going back to sleepless nights and having two children with very different needs? I am so used to a fairly independent 10yo, what's it like going back to having a baby?

hulahoopsilove Sat 10-Jan-15 09:54:59

DH has a daughter who was 10 when we had our DS.

Im going to be honest...
When I was pregnant we had to live it down a bit so as not to make the 10 year old jealous, also she'd had him as her dad for so long
Birth was same lets not go ott so DSD doesnt feel left out
First few years she adored out DS but then it became difficult for instance when we went out something suitable for our little one but not too babyish for DSD

Couldnt do Cinema as films were not suitable or too babyish for her
Bowling again our DS couldnt take part until he was a few years olf
Holdiays to places like CP's was great but again we had to juggle activities and bedtimes

Then teenage years kicked in and interest wained so first few year were ok then age gap became way too big - now 10 and 20 and hardly see her

GlitzAndGigglesx Sat 10-Jan-15 09:59:30

In a friends family the gap from eldest to youngest is 17 years! I think there's about 6 years between the rest. They're a very close family and all get on and they all say it's because of the gaps

GettingFiggyWithIt Sat 10-Jan-15 10:00:42

Not done it with a new partner but do have an eight year gap between siblings.
Pros
A short window before hitting puberty whereby the older one will look out for younger one whilst you take a shower
Not as much jealousy/sibling rivalry as having two under three (I went on to have a third)
The older one is independent enough to entertain themselves when you are doing nappies, feeds etc
A second childood of disney, santa etc lets the oldest be a big kid again without it being uncool
Cons
The age gap is large enough that swimming aside family activities are harder as a 'one size fits all'
The puberty years hitting at same time as terrible twos is fun
One parent doing one child while other does other one means less together time
The novelty of newborn wears off and they cannot 'play together' in usual sense

Do I wish I hadn't had the younger ones? Sometimes I wonder on the effect on the oldest and how much more freedom I would have now. You have been in charge of childcare for ten years, let's say in four years you could have left dc1 to her own devices for a wee while, now that's going to be fourteen years! ;-) How does your partner feel about the whole thing?

CalamitouslyWrong Sat 10-Jan-15 10:26:28

There is a 9 year age gap between my sons. Ds1 was delighted when DH (his stepdad) and I told him I was pregnant. I think it's a great age gap.

Ds1 and 2 adore each other. They're building skylands out of lego together right now (at 14 and 5). For the cinema we sometimes split up to see different films. We usually don't have a problem adapting activities so everyone enjoys them. Ds1 genuinely enjoys helping ds2 (and the fact that playing with ds2 lets him get away with doing childish stuff), and ds2 has learned to accept that sometimes we do stuff ds1 wants to do. They share lots of interests anyway so find their own ways to enjoy the same activity.

Bedtimes aren't an issue either. When they were younger, ds1 enjoyed helping put ds2 to bed and then got his own bedtime routine later. Now he's 14 so he's happy left to his own devices. Ds2 doesn't have any issue with his big brother having a later bedtime.

Puberty and the terrible twos wasn't a great thing, but neither of them has been all that difficult tbh.

Artistic Sat 10-Jan-15 10:34:56

Just had DD2, gap with DD1 is 7 years. I agree with figgy...there are pros & cons. Mainly you need to consider the lifestyle change for you & whether you are prepared for it. Night times are a real shock after a few years of good sleep! And am dreading the weaning & potty training years! After that things will be smooth but again DD1 will hit puberty!

Why didn't I do this sooner?!shock

Bluecarrot Sat 10-Jan-15 10:43:31

11years between my daughters. It's early days for us (dd2 is a year old next week) but I've enjoyed having the age gap, and the perspective I now have on babyhood.

losthermind Sat 10-Jan-15 10:53:57

I am 8 weeks pregnant with mine and DPs first child together
Baby will arrive in august,DPs son will be 14 when baby arrives,his daughter will be 11
My son son will be 10 2 months after baby comes and my daughter will be nearly 13

LikeIcan Sat 10-Jan-15 11:06:20

My mother has a sister 17 years younger & they're the closest siblings I know.

FaithLoveandGrace Sat 10-Jan-15 12:53:37

Only have DSS who's 5 at the moment and no plans to have one together just yet but there will probably be a large age gap when we do. There's a 14 year age gap between me and my little brother. We've always been really close though. I think my parents found it quite tough going back to the sleepless nights stage but they wouldn't change it for the world. My friend has an 8 year gap between her two boys. Still early days as the youngest is only 1 but her eldest absolutely dotes on his little brother. If you're both really keen on ttc I'd definitely say to go for it. Obviously I have no experience of parenting two with such a large gap but I know of others who've done it and it's been tough but absolutely 100% worth it smile

happyyonisleepyyoni Sat 10-Jan-15 12:57:55

I have a 9 year gap between DC2 and 3. We don't do too many family days out now dc1 and 2 are teens, sometimes dc3 is a bit like an only child. I didn't mind going back to the newborn phase but have found the toddler age harder as dc3 wants a playmate constantly and the older 2 can't always be bothered. There's no perfect age gap, I'd go for it if you and DP really want another.

SpottyTits Sat 10-Jan-15 13:04:50

I have 10 years between my DS and DD who is about to turn 12. They really adore each other happy to spend their time playing together and DD even mucks in with the nappies. I don't find activities too hard actually DD is quite immature though (and short) so she actually still enjoys soft play. We do baby groups while eldest is in school (she walks herself to and from school) then various parks/farms over the weekends. If I had to do it again I wouldn't change a thing as I personally imagine the smaller the age gap the harder it is!

claraschu Sat 10-Jan-15 13:08:02

My brother and sister were 10 and 11 years older than me. I had the best, closest relationship with my brother in particular. He helped to bring me up, and I adopted his values and tastes, as I admired him so much.

PuppyMonkey Sat 10-Jan-15 13:08:09

Yep I did this (unplanned the second time). My DDs are currently 18 and 7.

Going back to the baby thing after such a long gap nearly killed us. Not joking- found it utterly gruelling. Maybe cos I was in my 40s with DD2. Sleepless nights, tantrums, potty training, snarky toddler groups, childminders and nursery fees. Are you ready for all that again? confused

They get on fairly well - DD1 is kind of moving on now, going out and doing her own thing. So we're very much back to an only child at the moment. Younger one idolises her sister - elder one not so much. wink

Instant babysitter thing is great though.

It's just a bit weird, but we're happy enough I suppose - eg we've been having to do the school run etc now since 2001. And we've got more years of that still to come.shock

We've coped fine but I'm not sure I'd recommend it to someone else tbh. grin

SpottyTits Sat 10-Jan-15 13:08:53

The night waking did nearly kill me though! Going from a child who was happy and trusted enough to get herself up and fix her own breakfast then watch TV or play for an hour to being up all night was a huge shock and honestly at least twice I thought I had ruined our previously very relaxed lives but I have quite severe depression and anxiety so perhaps not normal thinking. Either way I prefer my life now.

Bonsoir Sat 10-Jan-15 13:11:25

DSS1 is nearly 20, DSS2 is 17.5 and DD is 10.

All absolutely fine. DSS2 and DD are thick as thieves. DSS1 is at university now but less loved by his siblings anyway!

Pantah630 Sat 10-Jan-15 13:37:17

9 years between my sons, one now 24, the other 14. It was great, DS1 dotted on his younger brother was able to babysit when an older teen and loved being able to legitimately play brio and Lego again grin

Now they're older they still get on well, dS1 no longer at home but only round the corner, they go to gigs together and both come out with us as a family, walking, biking, racing, theatre, eating out, etc.. I think it's a great age gap as you're able to put in all that individual attention a younger one needs while your older child is able to spread their wings a bit now no longer the PFB.

saltedcaramelicious Sat 10-Jan-15 14:47:04

spottytits yup that's what I am a bit eeeek about. Ds gets up very early but at the weekend he can go down and make breakfast and go on the xbox/ipad play quietly til I surface, and generally look after himself, can use the toilet and dress himself put his own shoes on. The thought of a dependent baby again is a bit confused. I'm more wary than when I fell pg with ds, and I was only 17 then! I am sooo broody though, I'm late-20's and it suddenly feels right.

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