Right, ive got to bite the bullet and do it but i need your help

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I want my own room, it's been 3.5 years and I want to buy a new bed, cosy curtains and wild wallpaper. I want to drink wine and watch tv in my own sanctuary but I can't, yet.

DD is 3.5 and shares a room with me (I'm a single parent) and DS is nearly 2 and has his own room. It's only a 2 bed so no rooms left for me.

At the moment I put DS to bed first then DD to bed but I have to sit with her until she goes to sleep which takes ages. I don't mind this at all but I don't know how I'm going to do that with the 2 of them in the same room. DD starts school in September so ideally I would like it to all be sorted by then (as if!!!!)
DS is up lots in the night still which is why he's in his own room (as far away from me as possible) to begin with to be honest.

Please help, any tips or ideas will be helpful to read instead of searching longingly for wallpaper :)

[Aliennation]

Hi OP, have been in a similar situation. Also a LP and my ds slept in with me until around 3yrs.

I got to the point you're at and just wanted my bed back to myself, however he was already starting in his own bed and coming in when he woke, but i had been doing the sitting in the room with him until he fell asleep for years until i tried gradual retreat. It worked in around 4 nights and i couldn't believe i hadn't done it sooner.

Basically first night i sat by his bed as usual, no talking/eye contact except to say it was sleepy time if he tried to get up.
Second night sat a bit further away, he got up about 20 times to check i was still there, i would just say 'mummy's here, go to sleep', nothing else and eventually he went to sleep.
Third night i sat at the end of the bed, he got up to check about 6 times, fourth night i sat at the door and he just went to sleep and that was it (it also stopped his night waking which was my aim).

I would try to make it exciting for your dd, maybe let her choose a bed/bedding etc if that's possible, let her know she can still come in for cuddles (mine does every morning). If your Ds is asleep hopefully it shouldn't disturb him. Maybe read her a story in your bed first.

I still occasionally let Ds sleep in my bed as a 'treat' (he's 6 now) and it is lovely but no way could i share my bed on a regular basis now, i love reading in bed at night for a start.

Sorry this is so long, hopefully it makes some sense! Good luck.

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

That is good advice, should of said DD doesn't sleep in my bed - we each have our own bed and always have done.
I'm not sure if she would come into my room, probably I suppose. I don't think I'd be too bothered about that but I've just told her she is going to be sharing a room with DS and she burst out crying!!!!

[Aliennation]

Oh dear, not sure how to deal with that! Hopefully someone will be along soon with more advice

[MuddhaOfSuburbia]

Hmmm. Is there any way you could move out of the room you and dd are in, and so swap with ds?

Then dd mightn't feel like she's being demoted, iykwim

[Tanaqui]

Could you afford to redecorate the room they will share- there are lots of pics on Pinterest and google of how to make one room look like 2 separate spaces. Could they share the larger room if it is likely to be a long term thing?

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I'd not thought of making the room like 2 rooms, it's certainly big enough to. I could paint one end pink and girly and the other boyish. It's her birthday in June so could do it as a sort of present? That's a good plan I think. Yes and think about my wording, I'm not moving out, I'm swapping :)

[Tanaqui]

If you scroll down there are some ideas that could be simplified and done on a small scale/ more cheaply here:
www.apartmenttherapy.com/design-solutions-for-shared-kids-bedrooms-168800

Best are at the end of the page

[Tanaqui]

How about the theo/ Zoe one then?

[ARGHtoAHHH]

Not sure if it's already been suggested but why don't you try partitioning one of the rooms (preferably your son's room but whichever is biggest) so that you effectively have 3 rooms? You can get some really nice partitions. Or perhaps a curtain fitted as a partition?

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

Yes, I could get one of the expedit divider things. That would work. It's a long, thin room so DS could be against the far wall and DD nearest the wall that way i may not disturb DS when putting DD to bed.
Tanaqui those bedroom ideas are great, and beautiful! I wish I was rich.

[ARGHtoAHHH]

I bought an expidit unit for this very reason. It kind of works but it's not as high than I would like, we have high ceilings and a curtain pole across the room would've worked better. Also the expidit is quite thick and may take up too much space if the room is long. Although they are very good and I love mine, I would just recommend measuring it precisely, decide where you're going to put it, and make sure you're happy with it (especially height and width) before you buy.

talks from bitter experience

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

Ok, that's really useful. Ill ask my dad about the curtain then, he's good at all that DIY stuff, maybe that would be better.

[ARGHtoAHHH]

Don't let me put you off though! I just made a mistake with the measurements but we use it as storage for his toys and it's great. Just make sure it fits first!

you can also get those folding dividers, can't remember the name of them now, but you can get all sorts of beautiful ones, or ones for children. Google "room divider ideas" or go to pinterest for ideas. There are some great ideas out there

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I'm getting cold feet already, bedtime is so stressful! DD is a faffer and putting her to bed in his room would surely wake DS.
Maybe ill wait a bit longer......

[ARGHtoAHHH]

Don't get cold feet!

why not you try buying a cheap room divider. Look on ebay or gumtree? Even free cycle, you could be lucky. Then if it doesn't work out you haven't spent a bomb. If it does work out, you can look at getting something more permanent.

Or you could try dividing the room and having yourself and your daughter sharing, with your boy still in his own room?

It's important you have your own space

[NowWhatIsit]

Don't get cold feet.

Remember you will be a calmer nicer mum (I'm sure you're very nice already, but you know what I mean!) if you get a bit of space for yourself.

If I were you, I would plan how to do the room, then explain to DD - now you're a big girl you really need a room with your own....bedside table/bookcase/ frozen bedspread/ whatever ... Just big it up as a positive move for both of them, rather than for your benefit -
eg DS - now you'll sleep better as you'll have DD close by... in the morning you can wake up and play quietly together etc.

go for it!

[Gautami]

Mine shared from 2 & 4 till about 6 & 8. the youngest never slept through the whole time. He is a crap sleeper and also had frequent croup, night terrors and wet the bed till he was 5 (requiring full bed change most nights).

dd mostly just slept through it all. She is a brilliant sleeper tbf, but there were plenty of nights when he was he was screaming the house down (terrors). Of course, there were some nights when ds ended up in our bed, but he never started off there and they got less and less.

I couldn't really tell you what I did specifically, but I had one overriding mantra: It is night time and you are going to sleep

Just keep calm, don't give in, back to bed, back to bed, back to bed. Say as little as possible.

It's definitely doable. Good luck and for when you get your room back.

[Gautami]

ooh, also, I used to put them both to bed at the same time and read stories to them. They got extra stories for going to bed nicely/staying in bed the previous night.

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

Sorry DS got chest infection so Velcro baby, wish he didn't weigh so much!!

I spoke to DD today and she said that actually she would like to be in a room with DS as long as it was still called 'her' room. She thinks that she could look after DS when he is scared of the dark (?) and actually she would quite like to have a new bed. We looked at beds online and she decided that she wanted a bed like mine, well my actual bed in fact. So, tonight she is in my bed and I am in her bed!!!! Luckily for me (and probably wierd to outsiders) DDs bed was the kingsize and mine the single so result :)
I'm going to make the change this weekend when they are at their dads

Aaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!
Now I just need to save a lot of money for decoration.

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I think I will continue to put them to bed seperately and gradually move DS bedtime back a bit so it's the same time as DDs because 7pm is too early for DD. I'm hoping to be able to get them both into bed by 7.30 by the summer so the routine is set for school.

[Gautami]

Well done. How lovely is your dd!

I think you're halfway there and you have a good plan. Just stick to your guns and you'll do it.

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

Thank you!
I've just come up to bed and her little feet are sticking out of the side of the bed, she's used to wriggling round in the kingsize, I can see me having to pick her up off the floor very soon :)

[BathshebaDarkstone]

I've just RTFT. That last post of yours is so cute, OP!

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I put them both to bed at the same time tonight, not in the same room but it worked! To be fair they had been at nursery all day, I didn't have PMT and I'd had a very cheeky glass if wine so I could cope.
I showed DD my chosen wallpaper which is very beautifully wonderful and she said yuck :(

[Gautami]

It's probably good she doesn't like your wallpaper. Make sure she picks the paint/wallpaper for her end of her new room though, so it helps with her preferring to sleep there.

Well done on getting them to bed together.