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Feeling like a crap Mum(7 Posts)
So recently I've been feeling pretty down about things and feel like maybe I'm not as good at this parenting this as I thought I would be.
Our little boy turned 1 just before Christmas and for the most part I thought I was doing a good job but lately I find myself getting very stressed and angry with him. I told him to shut up when he was crying earlier and I'm now crying with guilt as I write this.
He's always been a good baby and started sleeping through the night at 4 months but then the last few months he's been waking in the night and Won't go back to sleep until we either give him milk or let him into our bed, both things I don't want to make a habit out of. I wouldn't say I'm sleep deprived and over all he's a really good boy so I don't know where this stress has come from all of a sudden? I felt like I was going to have a breakdown this morning because he was moany and wouldn't go back to sleep after waking up early.
Just generally feeling rubbish and as if I have no idea what I'm doing. Is it normal to go through this? Before I went back to work I was dreading it but I'm actually looking forward to going to work tmro to get away (crying again for feeling this way)
Oh sweetie you are not a crap mum!!!
my dd has been doing the same lately I think the combo of Christmas and just general growth spurts have a lot to do with it! dd has been super whiney and crying over nothing which just isn't like her at all and I have shouted and felt guilty!
put him somewhere safe, have a cuppa and a few deep breaths and then give him a cuddle and play with him a bit. he will have forgotten and you will feel better.
you're not a crap mum. your little baby is turning into a toddler, and toddlers were sent to try the patience of saints.
I love my little boy to bits, but jessu I LOVE going to my nice quiet office on work days and leaving him in nursery! There's nothing wrong with enjoying a break from the constant moaning and whining that babies often bring. 1yo was tricky time for my DS as he was desperate to walk and talk, was cutting his back teeth and was a grumpy whiny mess for months. Oh how I loved work days!
he cheered up loads once his teeth came through and he learned to walk. And then again when he learned to talk around 19mo. Now at 2 he is largely a delight and we have little chats with each other and it's lovely.
Just a thought: if you're feeling down, depressed or hopeless for no apparent reason, is it worth talking to you doctor? Might be a touch of depresison in there which can be treated with a course of counselling therapy or a course of anti depressents?
On a final note: how much break do you getfrom the baby when you're not at work? Do you have a couple of hours per week to go to gym, read a paper in a cafe, or get your nails done?? Whatever you like doing for yourself? Don't underestimate the importance of this.A year is a long time to be 'just mummy'...speak to your OH about finding time to be yourself. It always helps me get a sense of perspective on the moaning and early mornings if I know I have a treat for myself coming up that weekend etc.
It's true what pp said. You need time for yourself. My DD also turned 1 before xmas and also was always a good sleeper until 7 months and then it went bad. Very similar to what you say but you know what I did? I decided to co-sleep as it was only way we all slept in a decent fashion and I know it's the answer for all but it helped us and I plan to go from here to a toddler bed when she's old Enough as she seems to prefer bed to cot! Anyway you are not a bad mum, the other night she kept waking and crying ans wouldn't settle all night and I was getting so frustrated I told her to shut up I'm a shouty way and of course immediately felt bad and then took her for cuddles and nappy change in another room and realised she was really hot and running a fever so no wonder she was crying! I felt terrible for not realising earlier in night. Being a mum ain't easy and you need to get support from partner or whoever. Have some and go easy on yourself. Also if you feel low more days than not Then maybe see your GP. Good luck
Oh don't beat yourself up! I was quite convinced my 20mo daughter's first words were going to be 'for fuck sake' because I used to mutter that under my breath in moments of deep stress when dealing with her :-)
I adore her so very much and loved having the time off over Christmas with her but there was much rejoicing as nursery opened again on Monday and I could hand her over to other responsible adults.
It's the toddler thing. I struggled the most when DD was 14-16 months ish. Clingy, whingy (CONSTANTLY) and demanding. She's still really demanding but can be slightly reasoned with now as in 'help mummy carry/do this and then I'll read you the Gruffalo for the bazilliontieth time' or 'hang on, mummy is cooking...'
Have a cry, have a glass of wine and go have a cuddling, tickling, giggling roll about with your boy.
p.s. she hasn't yet said 'for fuck sake'... I stress yet.
Oh, you're not rubbish. I think this is one of the most challenging parts of parenting a young child - their ambition really outstrips their abilities and they get really frustrated, they've got teeth, massive development jumps and they want to tell you about it but can't.
DS was terrible for night wakings around this age - I think it was partly teeth, partly development and partly he was just honestly hungry. A breakthrough for us was giving him Weetabix shortly before bed - it really helped to get him through the night. But to break the cycle of night wakings we gave him milk for a while but gradually diluted it with water so that he moved the calorie intake to the day. We tried resisting but two hours of sobbing every night, regardless of method of training, were not compatible with either work or sanity. The milk/water method worked within a fortnight.
Completely agree with Bot that you need to make sure you get down time - at least a few hours every week where you are completely undisturbed, whether it's at home, out in a café, whatever.
And yes, work is a completely different kettle of fish. I've got a demanding job but the job doesn't hold on to my leg and sob for no reason. Usually.
Give yourself a break OP, I'm willing to guess u r a great mum ( the fact you are worried about it proves this!)
Remember pre-baby? Sometimes you'd have a bad day or tough week ....it happens, and I bet you didn't blame yourself or feel guilty about it. Just because we become parents we don't become perfect!
My lo had a cold all over Xmas and cries to get in our bed every night....oh boy am I glad I have work today. There's some great practical advice on this thread, look how many if us are going through the same thing, it always helps to know you are not alone IMO
Ps I know what you mean about bad habits/ bed sharing but I love his cuddles and when he's a big sweaty teenager I will miss these times! X
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