SAHM...Trashed House...Tired all the time...(10 Posts)
I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old and I have been a SAHM for 4 years. Spent all day yesterday cleaning house (also a few days ago stayed in to clean) and this morning within one hour it looks like a bombs hit it again. Kitchen is terrible. I feel like giving up.
I don't get a break, family are no help and never babysit. DH is at work all the time even yesterday! and I feel too guilty about putting them in nursery. My 4 year old goes to preschool that closes in school holidays and this results in house wrecked. I am going out in an hour to meet friend in order to cope but I feel so tired all the time.
4 year old still sleeps with me and even though I go to bed when he does at 9pm I feel shattered. 10 month old going through the I want to wake up at 4am every morning phase.
I struggle mentally being a SAHM but I could not imagine having to actually work and deal with all this when i get home. Should I just put them both in nursery for one day a week, dreading the school holidays in the summer. I use to have a successful career but that was easier than this and now I try to work sometimes in the mornings as I feel too guilty putting them into nursery but it is not working. I cannot work. I cannot manage the people that work for me anymore as that is pulling my time in different directions. Does it get easier?
Sorry to moan but needed to vent. Am I the only one that feels like this?
Not the only one - SAHM to a 3 year old and 10 month old here and still not managed to finish tidying up from Christmas! Preschool starts again on Tuesday so that's when I'm going to be blitzing the house, I honestly think at times that it would be easier going out to work at least that way no one would be messing the house up during the day
Does your DH help on his days off? That's the only thing that keeps me sane - he does the "big jobs" on his days off, so I just have to keep on top of the day to day stuff - cleaning up after the kids, washing, cooking etc.
Ours are much bigger now and it does get much better, honestly! . We only had/have very occasional grandparent/family help too and in hindsight, I regret not buying in more help.
Could one of the helpers from nursery give you a day's break in the holidays? Could you get someone from a babysitting agency to do a bit of daytime help and give you a break? This stage is such incredibly hard, relentless work if you are a SAHM but you will soon find it gets much easier. Good luck!
The advantage of giing out to work is the house doesn't get trashed!!
Can you work on getting the 4 year old in their own room? It's probably the tiredness that is making everything feel so overwhelming.
Another one here saying it gets better as they get older.
Let the housework go for a while. If you have chosen sahm remember why you chose this path and make the most of them while they are little.
I know its a cliche but as mine are older now I look back with fond memories of them being little and the fun we had.
Could you train your 4 year old to sleep in their own room to give you some much needed space or is this something you have chosen.
Ditto to leaving the bulk of work until pre school starts again, I know it is hard if you have high standards, but honestly not worth getting upset about.
It is hard when they are little you have my sympathy and I can empathise with what it feels like, just tell yourself this is only temporary.
Don't feel bad about using nursery - at all
I have a 5yr old and 3yr old, and have been a SAHM for 5 years. Things were very difficult when neither child slept through the night. I used to be up at least three times in the night and up between 4 and 5am and it was so unbelievably tiring, particularly because, like you, I have no family nearby and so never had a break, lie in or any time to catch up on sleep. The youngest began sleeping through at about the age of 2.5 and instantly things felt much easier. That combined with my eldest starting nursery and now going to school really helped. I'm often still up at 5am but it's far easier now than it used to be when I was up so many times in the night. I too feel as though I spend far too much time cleaning the house and not enough time with my youngest. In spite of all the cleaning, the house always seems to be a tip! I would recommend getting out of the house as much as possible even if just to the local library, park, soft play or toddler groups, I just find I feel better when not sat in the house constantly looking at the mess! I'm now looking for a job as my youngest will get his 15hours government funded childcare and it is just about worthwhile working again. Unfortunately, it just wouldn't have made sense financially to work before now due to the horrendous cost of childcare. One thing I'd say is don't feel bad about putting your kids in nursery, there's nothing to feel guilty about. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that, if you feel going back to work would improve how you feel then do it! Also, I know it's easier said than done but you should be able to get your 4 year old to sleep alone in his own bed as he is old enough to be able to do this, I think getting him in his own bed would immediately really help you with regard to not feeling so tired. Hope this post helps you at least know you're not the only one who has felt the way you do, best of luck.
Agree it does get easier once they are older but have you been checked for anaemia or thyroid function? I developed a low thyroid level after dd2 and that made me very tired. Worth a trip to GP to rule out a biochemical cause.
Could you afford a cleaner? We had one for 2hrs once a fortnight when I was in exactly the same situation as you. We shared her with the people next door. It made a huge difference.
Also rather than attempting to clean a whole room, I would set a timer for 10 mins and just do what I could in that time. When the beep went, I stopped. Some days I wouldn't bother, and other days I would do it several times depending on how I felt.
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