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am I really not coping?(8 Posts)
I have two gorgeous children - dd2.9 who is mostly very easy but has ocassional tendencies to be "toddlery" and ds 9 months who is going through a massive separation anxiety period and only wants to be with me. I think I cope fine with them both - they are happy, well fed, well rested, bright and cheerful. They play lots of different games and do different activities throughout the day (I'm a sahm). I do however sometimes get annoyed with them for the usual reasons -taking ages to do something, refusing to eat, etc etc and my partner seems to latch onto these moments and thinks I'm not coping. I think he has unrealistic expectations and I can't seem to make him see that its normal to get frustrated when you're with a baby and toddler all day everyday. He says he is worried about me (tbh he sees us at our worst when he comes in from work and we are all tired and hungry). What is really hurtful is that I would love to consider having another DC but he thinks I wouldn't cope. I'm devastated that I may have ruined this for myself by not being good enough with dc1 and 2. Feeling a bit glum about it all.
So, does he step in and help when he sees you becoming frustrated? Preferably, does he help before things get to that point?
Not that frustration is abnormal! I'm sure we all feel frustrated at times. So, does you becoming a mother mean you are now no longer allowed to feel human emotion, in his eyes?
I think I cope fine with them both - they are happy, well fed, well rested, bright and cheerful.
This is all that matters. He doesn't sound like a particularly nice person for saying otherwise! Don't let him knock your confidence in parenting or use that to control your self perception and choices.
Getting frustrated with dc at times is 100% normal its how you deal with it that is important
Does he ever have both dc all day alone?
Thanks for you replies.
amantes - sometimes he steps in. He has knocked my confidence, I don't get much credit for how great they are - and considering I am their main care giver I think I deserve some! But he is nice, which is probably why he us concerned for me.
afreshstart no he has never had them all day, never had to feed them both or put them both to bed, never had them both peering in through the glass as he showers in the morning! Joking aside, it is how we deal with frustration that's important. I get cross, he doesn't seem to.
I would challenge him to take control for a weekend and see how he manages
Of course it is frustrating when you have to tidy the bricks away yet again after they've been tipped out and abandoned, or when you have prepared a lovely lunch and it goes on the floor, or when you finally get a teething baby to sleep only for your toddler to scream right next to them....
I have walked in your shoes
Many on here have
Your dp has not
He has knocked my confidence, I don't get much credit for how great they are - and considering I am their main care giver I think I deserve some! But he is nice, which is probably why he us concerned for me.
If the effect of his concern is that your confidence is being knocked, you need to make the harm he is doing to your parenting esteem clear to him. If he's nice, with luck, he'll stfu and show appreciation instead! If he doesn't alter his approach, he's not being nice, iyswim?
No words of advice I'm afraid but I seriously could have written this. It's so hard. Hang on in there
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