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Want another, OH not too sure.

(20 Posts)
DaddyToFreddie Mon 29-Dec-14 19:33:42

Hi all, daddy here.

LO only 3 weeks old, but I know that I will want another in a year or so. OH originally would have liked 3 children.

Unfortunately when DS was born she had a 3rd degree tear. She is worried about having further children incase it happens again.

Can anyone recommend how I can boost her confidence, or will time heal (the fear of another tear, not the tear itself)? Haha.

PossumPoo Mon 29-Dec-14 19:36:23

It's very early days! It was 12 months before I'd even consider discussing another one. DD is nearly 4 and I'm ready now and we are ttc.

Lower your expectations and just be there for your DP.

Congratulations too! smile

afreshstartplease Mon 29-Dec-14 19:36:40

I'd give her time! I don't think lots of women are thinking about number two so soon after number one

icklekid Mon 29-Dec-14 19:36:49

Just wait at 3 weeks post birth I would have cried if dh suggested another - horrible pregnancy, horrific birth, long painful recovery. 5 months later I will have another just not yet! Just enjoy your new born and make sure you are sharing the sleepless nights

IComeFromALandDownUnder Mon 29-Dec-14 19:37:23

God it has only been three weeks...give her a break. I didn't want to even consider another child until my baby was a year. Memories of labour definitely fade.

beatofthedrum Mon 29-Dec-14 19:43:07

Wow, just enjoy your first child! Your poor wife! No-one would want to think about another baby three weeks after a traumatic birth, I think you're being very insensitive to mention it and what on earth are you expecting us to tell you to say to make that ok for her??

weegiemum Mon 29-Dec-14 19:45:09

Totally give her a break!

weebigmamma Mon 29-Dec-14 19:45:09

Yes I would echo the above, after 3 weeks she'll not even be off the painkillers from that tear I bet. I had a third degree tear with my first and waited ten years before I was ready for another. Bit extreme maybe, but play it by ear and let her bring up the subject of another child when she is ready to bring it up (and don't expect that to be soon! I said 'never again' for a really, really long time!). I'm wondering what age you both are? being older might make you feel like it's a bit more urgent? I remember when our first one had just been born someone asking my husband if he felt any different and him saying 'no not at all' and I was like 'holy crap my entire world has turned inside out!' so, beyond the tear, giving birth in any way is a huge physical and emotional experience for a women who has spent up to 9 months anticipating it. Just support her as much as humanly possible and you will have a MUCH better chance of her wanting to do it again at some point. Good luck to you both! :-)

gatewalker Mon 29-Dec-14 19:48:59

Another one here saying it is far too early to be broaching this with your OP. Enjoy your new baby smile

gatewalker Mon 29-Dec-14 19:49:41

OP? *OH

Galvanized Mon 29-Dec-14 19:53:50

At 3 weeks after birth especially after a tear she probably thinks she never wants to have sex ever again! Just live for the moment, you need to look after her and the baby now.

NickyEds Mon 29-Dec-14 21:07:48

3 weeks after giving birth I wanted a hysterectomy. No joke. I was simply never going to do that again. Ever. Ever. Ds has just turned one and I'm 11 weeks pregnantsmile. Nothing any new parent says in the first 6 months counts! Just enjoy your little one.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Mon 29-Dec-14 21:11:27

The baby is three weeks old! Her body has just been through what is probably the biggest trauma of her life and she is shell shocked by parenthood. Leave the chat about further babies until things have settled.

Focus on supporting her with this baby, not boosting her confidence to have more. I know they are wonderful, gorgeous things, tiny babies, and immediate broodiness is common, but let it go for now. smile

slightlyconfused85 Tue 30-Dec-14 16:26:33

If you had asked me when DD was three weeks I'd have laughed you out the room! I am pregnant with number 2 now but wasn't prepared to try until dd was 18mo. Give her time

splendide Tue 30-Dec-14 16:56:10

Mine is 9 weeks and I'm nowhere near ready to consider another. I'm still deep in never again mode.

seaweed123 Tue 30-Dec-14 19:44:01

On a practical note, at my hospital appointment to check on my 3rd degree tear after 3 months, the doctor gave me a % chance of it happening again. So that might reassure her, assuming her recovery is good.

However, 9 months on, I have no idea if I'll do it again. And I'd be pretty pissed if my dh was putting any pressure on.

grumpyoldgitagain Tue 30-Dec-14 20:21:27

Pretty much what everyone else has said

Only 3 weeks and you want another

Leave it until at least 6 months or a year before having that conversation again

I wanted 5, my wife eventually agreed to one, after around a year she agreed to a second and I have been told that is it, no more.

I do still hope that one day she may want another but it is me that is the broody one near babies not her so don't think it will ever happen

MiaowTheCat Tue 30-Dec-14 22:25:40

Well I have 11 months between my kids... had a very nasty tear first time round but a tiny one the second time around (but they butchered me without my consent the first time around too). Wasn't really planned TO have a second so soon, more not planned NOT to.

Alb1 Tue 30-Dec-14 23:26:19

Sounds just like me and my DP! At 3 weeks I was 100% sure I didn't want another child due to the labour and episiotomy, by 6 weeks I was thinking hmmm maybe one day, now at 14 weeks I no we will have another (if were lucky enough obviously) but still can't face the idea of discussing when yet! So don't stress, she may well change her mind when it's not quite so fresh!

opalstones Tue 30-Dec-14 23:35:38

Agree with pp, give her time!

Other than that, you seem lovely. Be a supportive partner, and keep loving your son as much as you obviously do!

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