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Did the wrong thing last night- baby slept in my bed- Do I need a beside cot for dd or will the three places she can choose to sleep do? 16 day old NOT sleeping at night!

(31 Posts)
dottytablecloth Fri 26-Dec-14 12:49:19

Dd is 16 days and is not sleeping at night, she's great during the day but grizzles and feeds most of the night.

I've posted about this before and know it is fairly common BUT...

Last night I did a terrible thing and brought her into bed beside me as soon as she started to fuss and she stopped immediately. I knew there was no way I would fall asleep and was happy that she was calmer.

However, I did fall asleep and woke up 3 hours later when dh woke me. Dd still sleeping.

I know lots of people co sleep but I did everything wrong, she was between us, under duvet (not near face) and after reading about how to co-sleep safely this morning, I'm feeling quite stressed that I allowed her to sleep like this. I did think it was interesting that she actually slept though- was it a coincidence?

Anyway, I wondered if a bedside cot might be a good idea? Does anyone have experience of these?

They are £££ and I really can't afford to waste money though.

She has a cocoonababy, crib, icandy carrycot all of which she will sleep in during the day but there is no chance at night.

Azquilith Fri 26-Dec-14 12:57:08

My DS coslept with us from birthday as he would only go to sleep with someone touching him. We never had a cosleeping cot as even that was too far away for him, but had him in a blanket, no pillows, away from duvet. Next to me not DP. When he got bigger and rolling we put the cot up to act as a bed guard and put him next to that and me. Now he's nearly 2(!) he generally sleeps with his feet on DP.
<reminds self of New Years resolution to get him out>
Don't give yourself a hard time, just be sensible.

Azquilith Fri 26-Dec-14 12:57:37

Sorry that was meant to be from birth

ChristmasHiccups Fri 26-Dec-14 13:01:15

When they are very wee a thick rolled towel under the sheet should act as a bed guard until you can get one. Or just take the side off the cot you have and cable tie it to your bed. Push the mattresses together and stuff the gap on the far side with rolled towels.
I layer up my clothing on my top half so wear an old fleece jumper with a breastfeeding slot cut in it, then use blankets to my waist and tucked under me on the baby side. You shouldn't need to spend pounds to cosleep safely and it's better to plan to cosleep safely than do it accidentally or worse, fall asleep on the sofa with baby because you are so exhausted

bilbodog Fri 26-Dec-14 13:01:43

I know the rules these days say not to do it but I slept with both my kids when they were born. With my ds it was in the marital bed as that was all we had and I was lucky because he eventually started sleeping thru the night from 3 months old in his crib. My dd slept with me for 9 months and then would regularly wake up. By then we were lucky enough it have a spare room so I used to bail out into spare bed with her. Worked for me as I got sleep. I read a book called three in a bed by Deborah Jackson and recommend it. We are one of the few cultures who don't do this. You need to do what works for you good luck

ChristmasHiccups Fri 26-Dec-14 13:03:43

Oh yes "three in a bed" is a fantastic book with lots of linked scientific research etc smile

YokoUhOh Fri 26-Dec-14 13:16:28

I know the author of Three In A a Bed and her children are amazing; please read it! I co-sleep with DS 25mo, it's the only way for us.

GingerDoodle Fri 26-Dec-14 16:22:22

DD regularly slept with us as a tiny baby (she's 2 now); started off on the outside of me laying on my arm so she didn't roll and had her own blanket. When bit older she moved in between us (king sized bed, both sets of pillows shoved to make space) and used our duvet. Now she likes my pillow so I have pillows all along the bed. Neither me or DH smoke or are prone to rolling and I sleep very lightly as mothers do generally.

I appreciate its not in line with guidelines but I just wanted to reassure you that one night will have done no harm! She has feel out once or twice but she didn't even wake-up!

I should say DD moved into her own room at 10 weeks but has slept with us on and off ever since.

Justgotosleepnow Fri 26-Dec-14 16:38:27

You got sleep. Baby got sleep. You now know what to do & not do with cosleeping. So don't stress!

Just follow the guidelines- no duvet no pillows firm mattress etc.
lookup it's a sleep info website. All scientifically reviewed info & up to date safety info. Very sensible site to read.

Ikea cots- you an take the side off & get it right close to your bed, instead of a fancy sidecar cot.

You aren't doing the wrong thing by cosleeping. It's much safer than falling asleep exhausted in a chair or sofa while cuddling baby.

squizita Fri 26-Dec-14 17:20:32

There are books and sources (eg nct) that advise to make Co sleeping pretty much safe.
I don't know anyone who has never ever Co slept!
I don't but did when dd was tiny.

squizita Fri 26-Dec-14 17:22:39

I have a "sleepyhead" right next to me on the empty side of a double bed (it's like a fabric moses basket) works well for us. Cheaper than a side car.

Scaredycat666 Fri 26-Dec-14 17:32:07

I was determined not to co sleep with ds, but it's the only place he would sleep (I eventually realised that you get what you are given, so you may as well go along with it!). In the end it was a life saver. I felt awful about it, but worked out ways to make it safe (DS slept by my side, I had the cot next to the bed, put on layers, made sure DS wasn't under the duvet etc.)
With DD, I've co slept from day 1, DH is in the spare room, so we've loads of space.
Just to reassure you, DS co slept every night until 5 months and then moved straight into a cot in his own room with no problems at all.

DontGotoRoehamptonUniversity Fri 26-Dec-14 18:09:25

You got sleep. Baby got sleep. You now know what to do & not do with cosleeping. So don't stress!
Completely agree! We 'followed the rules' with DS1 and none of got much sleep. By DS2, were too tired to follow the rules - we co-slept, he fed, we all slept. He is a happy 14 year old who happily went into his own cot and bed and has been a cheerful boy - now a sulky (normal ) teenager grin.
Cuddle while you still can - they will be fine!
Just wish we had followed instinct instead of the book with DS1 and all of us got more sleep...

CorporeSarnie Fri 26-Dec-14 18:11:57

Ebay is your friend. I managed to pick up a 'fancy sidecar cot' (Troll crib, actually is really not a particularly well made piece of furniture, I'd be gutted had we paid full price), local-ish, came with sheets and was not heavily used, plus a new mattress, came to £65. So not cheap, but a lot less than new
. I co-slept with first child, initially like you mostly by accident after first set of jabs and not that safely. DD now 3 and still loves a cuddle, but its in her own bed, DS loves his sidecar. However, sidecarring a regular cot, if you have room (we don't have space for a full size cot) would be just as good, if not better, as they wouldn't grow out of it so soon.

notasleep Fri 26-Dec-14 18:23:44

Second what a pp said - just take the side off a cot /crib and tie to your bed. You can usually adjust the height of mattress and if it's a bit out just bulk it up with a thick blanket or towel under the sheet.

I co slept with with both dc - Dd I didn't plan to but was the only was she would sleep - she stayed with us till 12 months ish when it seemed to wake her more being in with us and then I moved to a mattress by her cot for a while..

Ds co slept from birth and still is at 9 months.he won't go in the bedside cot but it is useful to stop him from falling outof bed!

Just do what feels right with yourbabies but be prepared for disapproving health visitors if you mention ..hmm

stargirl1701 Fri 26-Dec-14 18:28:55

This book is really good, OP.

The Safe Sleep Seven

Littlef00t Fri 26-Dec-14 21:09:26

You'll probably find that any side car style cot will be no better than a Moses basket as it's the direct contact that they love.

Personally I'd go with persevering with the Moses basket or carry cot and co sleeping safely in bed when baby inevitably wakes not so happy.

It was around the 2 week mark my dd started doing longer stretches in the Moses basket. I couldn't co sleep long term as I just couldn't sleep properly.

loiner45 Fri 26-Dec-14 21:15:04

Mine are now strapping adults in their 20's - they all co-slept with us as babies and fed on and off through the night. Make sure she is on top of the duvet not under it and invest in a good cotton blanket for her (and you arm that'll inevitably be round her! It will get cold)

HungerKunstler Fri 26-Dec-14 21:18:43

Don't stress too much as it was only a short sleep (relatively speaking!) and nothing happened. We've all taken a risk at some stage to get our babies to sleep. My DD is 7 weeks and in those fussy early days when she wouldn't settle at night I would sometimes lay her next to me to settle her. I usually would transfer her to her Moses basket once she was deeply asleep but once or twice I did fall asleep with her in bed and it was fine. I think the risk of SIDS in the earliest weeks is actually low because they don't sleep very deeply or for long at that age.

HungerKunstler Fri 26-Dec-14 21:22:08

At the moment for ℅-sleeping I just have her Moses basket next to me in the bed - I feed and settle her and then transfer her once she's sound asleep. It works pretty well and is easy for me to get back to sleep after feeds.

Micah Fri 26-Dec-14 21:25:11

I had two who would only sleep near me smile

I pulled the cot right up to the bed, making a sort of side rail. I tucked the duvet under me, and put the baby on the mattress between me and the cot side.

Reassured me that they wouldn't get squished between dh or I, get under the duvet, or fall out of bed.

chocolatemartini Fri 26-Dec-14 21:25:12

I'm not advocating going against guidelines but I co slept with both mine from day one, with duvet over them. Often they were in the middle. We never drink, which I think is important, but other than that we broke a lot of the co sleeping rules

squizita Fri 26-Dec-14 21:34:03

The sleepy head is super soft - low and stable enough that some use it as an aid to co sleeping. Personally I have stripped the other side of the bed off and so it's like a side car in a way. My baby seems to like that she can see me.
A MW and HV saw my set up (grow bag + sleepy head) and felt that it was safe from accidents but convenient for breastfeeding.
We bought the sleepy head day 4 of her life - by day 10 (as before that she wanted to be on me) she was loving it and has never looked back.

GingerSkin Fri 26-Dec-14 21:35:24

The thing with co sleeping is that it's got a bad name. Many parents have done it in some form or another (co sleeper bed, cot pushed up to the side of the bed or in the bed).

You read up on it and educate yourself on the do's and donts.

You make the decision if it is for you or not.

There will be more people coming on this thread with positive experiences of co sleeping than negative and very few "rod for your own back" stories that are allegedly out there.

Do what comes natural to you and do it safely.

Ps congrats on your baby smile

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Fri 26-Dec-14 21:40:20

Ooh I missed her arrival! Congratulations!! Hope she's settling in well smile

I wouldn't co sleep because I wouldn't sleep, but as long as you do it safely and can sleep yourself there's no harm in it.

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