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Worried about dds behaviour. What can I do?

(4 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 23-Dec-14 16:10:59

Dd is 6 and has never met her dad. I feel like I'm quite inconsistent with my parenting. I love her to bits yet I find parenting her tough and I get impatient and irritable around my period.
Some of her behaviour is getting to me. She hates sharing even with me. Yesterday I took her on a lovely day out with ,lots of treats and santos grotto. When I got her some chips and asked to share she said I could have two. I snapped and called her selfish and mean which made me cry.

I think a lot of resentment has been building. I try and do my best for her but she dosnt ever seem grateful. Whenever we go anywhere she demands that I buy something and when I refuse ( often) she wingers and moans.
It's a vicious circle. I can be very affectionate but when she wingers and moans it drives me nuts and I snap, shout and feel cold. I think this makes her insecure.

She has also started shouting and hitting me so I've started putting her in her room for 5 mins until she calms.

She can be such a sweet, loving girl so why am I so irritated by her?

She's only little and I guess I should model behaviour.

bearwithspecs Wed 31-Dec-14 17:07:05

My 5 year old DD does this type of thing. Very high maintenance. Her younger brother isn't and I live with their dad... I often wonder why.

hiccupgirl Wed 31-Dec-14 20:59:16

My 5 yr old DS is a whingy moaning ungrateful pain a lot of the time at the moment tbh. He is always asking for more, moans that nothing is quite how he wants it and has started screaming at us when he doesn't get his own way. Today he ran off and hid in a shop because I told him he had to wait until we'd finished looking at things (we'd nearly finished so 5 mins tops) until he could look at the DVDs - this is bearing in mind he'd demanded to go and look not even asked nicely.

Like you I find the whinging drives me mad and I end up getting angry with him which doesn't help - he feeds off us getting angry with him and it just makes him worse.

His dad has always been around and he's had a very stable childhood so far so no reasons there. He is just high maintenance and has been since he turned 1.

TantricShift Wed 31-Dec-14 22:07:18

I could have written your post Superstar. Up until recently I have had a very similar relationship with my DD who is 5. I had PND and a load of personal problems when she was born so I think I transferred a fair bit of resentment onto her without realising it. I couldn't even have her touch me without it making my skin crawl which is a terrible thing to admit but I just couldn't open up to her.

As a result I was really rubbish at setting boundaries, preferring an easy life rather than the crying and screaming that would come from saying no. She was given a fair bit of her own way and allowed to dominate me in a way. I would give her things to make up for my lack of ability to really love her. So when she was ungrateful or just always wanting more I would get so angry because I was trying so hard. What I didn't realise was that what she really needed were good boundaries, consistency and my love.

I have had to grow up emotionally and stop expecting her to lead the way. I am the parent. I have to be responsible for my own emotions and reactions. I have to deal with the less than positive aspects of parenting because I made the choice to become her mother.

I am not saying that this is your problem because I do not know you but my experience has led me to look more at me than at her. She is looking to me to show her how to behave in the world and I realised I was not doing such a good job of managing myself.

All of that said, 5 year olds are well known for being ansty. They are setting out in the world and so much is going on for them. They often practice conflict on the safe people in their lives as a way of depressurising from all the being good they are usually doing at school. If you are clear about your limits before you start out you will have a better chance of sticking to them when difficult situations arise. It may pay to work them out in advance of triggering situations.

Hope I haven't offended just wanted to share my experience.

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