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Please please help me find some patience for my 3 year old

(6 Posts)
Tory79 Mon 22-Dec-14 22:38:32

We've had a rubbish few months. We've had to live apart from dh for 4.5 months due to building work (was only supposed to be a few weeks) in which time I've also had ds2, now 11 weeks.

Ds1 behaviour has really changed in that time, beforehand he was actually really well behaved (as 3 year olds go) hardly ever had a tantrum etc etc. he began to change when I was heavily pregnant, as I was no longer able to play with him in the same way or do the sorts of things we normally did, plus of course we were away from his dad. Then ds2 came along, and he is struggling with that, a lot, so his behaviour took another turn for the worse, more tantrums, trying to hurt his brother etc. then he had a a couple of weeks at the start of the month where he had cough, cold, ear infection then hand foot and mouth. Since then I think he's just been utterly run down, physically and emotionally. He falls apart at the slightest thing, tantrums over everything. Doesn't listen, won't do as he's told. Screams and cries all the time. He just looks so unhappy.

im shattered with a baby who wakes every couple of hours through the night. Exhausted after not having DH around for so long (we moved back a week ago - houses still not finished - more stress) I am finding it so hard to cope with ds and I absolutely hate myself for how I am with him. I also generally appear to be shit at having two children. At least one of them a,ways seems to be in tears sad I get so impatient and frustrated, and just end up yelling at him, I am in tears thinking about it, I feel like I treat him so badly and have such a part to play in his unhappiness. Some days are better than others and I mange to stay calm (his behaviour isn't much better but at least I don't feel so bad about myself)

I really need to get a grip on this as I feel like I'm ruining our previously great relationship. It's totally understandable why he's acting as he is, he's had so many changes in his life recently, plus illness. I just desperately need to find the patience to help him through this with it resorting to shouting and telling him off all the time.

Any advice?

bearwithspecs Mon 22-Dec-14 22:42:55

We all have phases like this. It can be exhausting and tempers flare. You are human. It will pass I promise !

BiscuitMillionaire Mon 22-Dec-14 22:51:30

I know 3-yr-olds can be infuriating, but imagine yourself in years to come, looking back at this time and realising that your DS is so little. His whole world has changed.

Also then extend some of that same compassion to yourself, as it sounds like you're having a really tough time. Caring for a baby and toddler with no help, that is very hard for anyone.

'Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet' (LM Montgomery)

bearwithspecs Tue 23-Dec-14 07:17:06

Is there anyone at all who can help you for a few hours so you can get a break? Are you managing to get out and be with others during the day? I found hanging out at toddler groups easier than being stuck at home

Fairylea Tue 23-Dec-14 07:20:49

How often do you manage to get out and about with the 3 year old? I know how difficult it must be with the new baby too but with my own toddler son I find he gets totally over the top in terms of tantrums etc if we don't get out for a walk at least once a day. We have a routine that we go out every morning, whatever the weather, to the park (20 mins walk there) or to soft play or whatever else. Just curious how much you're getting out with your little one and whether that might make a difference?

livegoldrings Tue 23-Dec-14 07:38:35

Even though it is totally understandable that he is playing up, you still need to keep his behaviour under control. You must try to hold on to your temper, but be very firm over boundaries. This will actually help him as it gives a sense of normalicy to the scary situations that may be bothering him. I think you just need to do all those things that improve toddler behaviour, plenty of attention, exercise, good food, sleep - and the same for your DS fgrin. Just joking there but I do think that taking care of yourself is important and you need to get some breaks somehow as this will really help your patience levels.

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