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Mum 28.5 hr separation anxiety

(4 Posts)
Beaglebaby Thu 18-Dec-14 23:06:42

I'm leaving 16mo DD with PILs tomorrow morning and I won't see her again until the next afternoon. Yes I've counted the hours. It was all my idea, I was totally fine with it and was even going to be away for two nights originally but something fell through. I felt that it was important for PILs to get the chance to really get to know her and bond with her without feeling that I was around and 'inhibiting' them and I also thought it'd be a good chance for me to do something on my own.

Now that the time has nearly come I am feeling so nervous and anxious about it. For the last couple of hours I've been thinking about it and reading separation anxiety threads on here. I am worried for two reasons 1. She doesn't know them that well as we live overseas. She has met them a couple of times before, but won't remember. We are visiting at the moment and have been with them everyday since Sunday, so I guess she has become used to seeing them and being around them this week. She is calling them by their grandparent monikers. 2. She has been very clingy during this trip, both for a week at my parents house and this week with in-laws. She is fine doing her own thing when I am in the room, but as soon as I leave she walks around shouting for me and sometimes gets teary. I just have visions of her spending the whole day being really upset calling for me. I can imagine it being a really long day for a little one not knowing when I will be back, and then me not actually coming back that day sad.

With my folks they bathed her and put her to bed whilst I hid in a different room a couple of times and she didn't call out for me and didn't see me again until morning. I also left her for an afternoon out with them, she waved bye to me and didn't ask for me until they got back to the house where she called and looked for me, but soon forgot about it apparently. That was only about 4 hours in total.

With in-laws, I left her for a few hours in the evening. Waved bye to her, she was upset and called for me for a few minutes and kept saying mummy gone, bye-bye etc. and then was fine the rest of the night. They bathed her and put her to bed.

So I'm thinking she could be fine.... if she knows I'm not here (she has been calling and looking for me when she knows I'm in the house somewhere) but she might not be fine as it is such a long time this time. After a few hours she might get really upset, and even the next morning she has several hours before she sees me. I'm kind of regretting this, but part of me thinks this is normal for me to feel like this. I just don't think I will be able to relax for the 28.5 hours feeling bad for her. I'm feeling really cruel leaving her in a not that familiar environment with people she's known less than a week, although they love her dearly. They keep saying she'll be fine but of course they'll say that! They so want her to be fine and want them but I'm anxious.

Would it help if me and her dad (separately) facetimed her?

Can anyone share stories of their own?


roofio87 Fri 19-Dec-14 08:08:30

Hi. I totally understand your anxious leaving her for the first time, but I honestly think she'll be fine. She will be too busy enjoying the attention and newness to even really notice. It is a great sign that she has been happy for the short times you have left her.
We recently went away for 3 nights without our 14mo (our honeymoon!) and he was totally fine. He wasn't bothered in the slightest while we were away he was just very teary and clingy when we got back. so be prepared for that. I think he was just a bit overwhelmed when he saw us again!
We don't see my parents as they don't live nearby and I'm always amazed at how quickly he becomes comfortable with them again!
go out and enjoy yourself!! she will be fine!!

Beaglebaby Fri 19-Dec-14 09:05:59

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I just can't figure out if I should genuinely be concerned about her having separation anxiety, or is it me that has the anxiety. Will I even be able to relax? I told them just now that I was thinking of coming back tonight as she was up a lot last night and they think I'm being silly confused

PortofinoVino Fri 19-Dec-14 12:29:44

Would it help if me and her dad (separately) facetimed her?

No, I should think it would only confuse her.......after all you would be 'seen' but not be 'there' and it could upset her terribly.

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