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How can I encourage DS to be more resilient?

(3 Posts)
IWillOnlyEatBeans Wed 17-Dec-14 12:55:29

DS1 is 4.10 and in Reception class at school.

He's always been a sensitive soul (very easily scared and upset, needs lots of reassurance about how much we love him etc). He isn't very confident socially and struggles to join in with his peers. He tends to play with the girls in his class rather than running around with the boys.

School is proving to be a bit tricky for him and I am looking for some tips on how to help him become a bit more emotionally resilient.

Things that have upset him recently include:
1. a couple of boys saying that they don't like him/don't want to play with him (I can understand why this one upsets him);
2. not getting a Christmas card from one of the older boys at school;
3. a boy at his lunch table saying that DS1 'always' has fruit for dessert when he doesn't.

So some fairly big issues (I am in touch with the school about the first one) and others totally minor. All have resulted in wobbles and tears.

We give lots of praise (specific and general), and he gets lots and lots of love and affection. Academically he is doing fine and he enjoys reading, writing etc.

Any tips/advice greatly appreciated!

Littlefish Wed 17-Dec-14 13:02:37

We had this a lot with dd. We practised what to say in a variety of situations so that she always had a response ready. This really seemed to help. What also helped generally was to start her with piano lessons at 7 and then cello lessons at 9. To start with, she would dissolve into tears or have a tantrum if there was something she found tricky, but slowly, slowly, very very slowly, she is beginning to persevere more as she now realises it's something that she can't get right first time, or all the time and she needs to work at it but that the end result is wonderful!

Many children who are academically capable have trouble with resilience, particularly if they are not challenged sufficiently with the opportunity to get things wrong, and work out how to put them right. If they always get everything right, or always get their own way, they don't develop the coping strategies they need to deal with the feelings they get when they get stuck (I speak from bitter experience with dd!)

IWillOnlyEatBeans Wed 17-Dec-14 13:11:27

Thanks. We do practise a bit with different responses (I don't care if you don't like me/you can think that if you want/I'll only play with you if you stop pushing me over etc).

He is actually quite resilient in other areas. So if he is reading and gets a word wrong, he'll say 'oops, silly me!' and try again. Or we'll have a giggle if he keeps writing 'e' instead of 'a'. Stuff like that doesn't tend to upset him at all (unless he's tired).

It's definitely social things that he can't seem to process/cope with/rationalise.

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