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temper tantrums becoming a shouty mummy

(4 Posts)
chloejaynemummy Mon 15-Dec-14 19:16:42

My dd will be 3 in January just latly I don't know where it has come from she I'd having a tantrum about everything getting dressed ( she dosnt like them trousers) eating dinner ( we have I'm hungry for ages then when it's served she dosnt like it) she's also started saying she dosnt like us she dosnt want to play with us and she wants us to go away. It's heartbreaking sad I have tried to talk to her where she has picked these things up from and a little girl from her child minders keeps popping up (this child has been known to bite people and my dd tells me she is a naughty) I miss my cuddly monkey. Is it just a phase will she grow out of it? I hate being the shouty mummy and telling her off and should I speak to the child minder? See if this other lg says these things?
I know my dd is going to pick things up but this I wish she didn't sad

EmbarrassedPossessed Tue 16-Dec-14 00:35:43

Don't quiz the childminder about the other children in her care. Whether or not your DD has picked up particular phrases from other children is neither here nor there. It's very normal for toddlers to begin to push boundaries to see what is acceptable and what is not.

Try not to see it as "heartbreaking" and see it as a normal part of her development. You will have to consistently, firmly but gently enforce your boundaries until she learns what is ok and what is not. For things like the "I don't want to play with you" comments I would go with basically ignoring her and saying something very minimal like "oh dear, that's a shame" and then leaving her to it. The same with tantrums - leave her to tantrum and calm down, and then continue with what you need to do anyway. If you can, try and recognise her emotions when she is tantrumming e.g saying something like "I know, it's making you very cross/angry/upset/sad DD". You can try and stave off tantrums by offering her a choice of two things that are both acceptable to you e.g. these trousers or those trousers. If she won't choose then you warn her that you will choose instead after a few minutes to decide. If she says she doesn't want her dinner, then just get on with eating yours without comment and without being cross about it. Then warn her that you will be clearing away soon, and then after a reasonable amount of time clear away.

The flip side to this is remembering to praise a lot when she does things that you want her to do, like be polite/kind/gentle etc.

It's really hard to stay patient and calm after the 100th time of doing this, but shouting really won't help in the long run. It's probably better to walk away to a different room for a few minutes to gather your thoughts than it is to shout, if you can possibly help it.

IDontWantToBuildASnowman Tue 16-Dec-14 11:05:21

Totally a phase and she will definitely come out the other side. Just stay calm and ignore where possible and give lots of positive attention when her behaviour is as you would like.

I would also say not to ask your DD where she is picking behaviour up from, as I feel that somehow diminishes her responsibly for the behaviour, instead just calmly explain why what she is doing in unacceptable and move on.

Good luck though, its all easier said than done when faced with a tantruming 3yr old!! xx

fairylightsonthetree Wed 17-Dec-14 20:29:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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