how do you get toddler out of house when you're on maternity leave??

[atticusfinchatemybaby]

At the moment I go to work before DS (3) even wakes up. DH deals with him in the morning and takes him to nursery. He likes nursery but always grumbles a bit about wanting to stay in bed (ah, don't we all) and sometimes has major meltdowns for a few days/weeks where he decides he doesn't want to go at all.
Anyway, I'm starting maternity leave in a few weeks and I know that as soon as DS realises that Mummy is at home (in bed, most likely, and soon enough sharing that bed with an INTERLOPER) there is no way in hell he's going to want to leave the house. I can see his thought process now - "why am I being bumped off to nursery when Mummy is at home?".
Desperate for suggestions from anyone else who has managed this successfully in the past as it's really worrying me.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

You just take him. He is 3yo and doesn't get to make the decisions, you do.

[atticusfinchatemybaby]

If only it was that straightforward, anyfucker. I agree with you in theory, but trying to physically wrestle a screaming, fighting, desperately unhappy toddler out of the house when I've been up all night with a newborn is not a battle I can see myself winning on a daily basis. I'm also really paranoid about making sibling rivalry / jealousy worse as my sister and I have had a terrible relationship our whole lives and - although I know they did their best and I don't blame them - I think my parents dealt with it badly from the start.
I think sanity might be right, maybe I have to take him to nursery so it's not so in-yer-face that baby is staying home with mummy for the rest of the day...

[stressbucket1]

Could your husband still take him and keep the same routine of getting him ready etc? Added bonus of you staying in bed with the new born! It worked well with our dd who attends nursery 2 days a week she has never complained but she is a bit younger 2.5

[juneau]

Just be firm! I had this too with DS1, but small DC like a routine and if going to nursery is his normal routine then it shouldn't be too bad. If he argues (and mine did, DS2 still does on his nursery days), then I just remind him of the fun he'll have (painting, seeing his friends, making Christmas decorations, etc), and tell him that I'm going to be busy anyway going to the post office, or shopping, or the gym and how boring he'd find it.

But, above all, just don't get into an argument with a three-year-old! Once he realises that there is no point in arguing he should (hopefully!), be a bit more compliant.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

I know it isn't easy but I have done it

The objections don't last long if you persevere

At the moment it seems your bright 3yo has you totally sussed and is playing on your insecurities

You seem to see nursery as second rate yourself instead of bigging up how special more grown up children get to have all the fun and boring babies do nothing all day

[ApocalypseNowt]

I always told DD1 that DD2 wasn't allowed to go to the childminder's yet because she was just a baby. Make out like nursery is where the fun is and the younger dc is getting the bum deal by having to stay home.

And remember that 5mins after they're dropped off they'll be having fun and will have forgotten that they didn't want to go that morning!

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

For a while I was the parent with the child that had to be dragged kicking and screaming into nursery

Five minutes later he was happily playing. I once, urged by the staff who could see my own distress, lurked round the back and looked through the window unseen by him

Sure enough....

[GooodMythicalMorning]

Nursery is a brilliant place where you get to have fun and play games!

[atticusfinchatemybaby]

I know, I know - a few minutes after DH drops him off he's perfectly happy. I genuinely do not understand why he claims to prefer a day at home with grumpy, exhausted, boring Mummy, doing nothing of interest, to a day at the nursery with tonnes of fun toys and active, cheerful staff. They even give him cake and biscuits everyday, which we never do at home! It is perverse. Is he doing it out of some subconscious desire to make us feel guilty?! We always talk it up, how much fun he'll have, the toys that are there, what he'll do, but he still kicks up a fuss.

[MinceSpy]

You get out of bed, get him up and give him his breakfast then take him to school.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Just ignore him and carry on with your routine. it's the only way (voice of experience)

A 3yo is not in charge !

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Oh, and I recommend you stop trying to talk him round and just do it

he has you going round in circles to no effect. Remember at this age, any attention even for bad behaviour is positive reinforcement

[SavoyCabbage]

Make sure home is much, much less fun than nursery. Lots of talk about mopping the floors and going to B&Q.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Yes - agree. Just do it. Frankly (as the mother of an 11 month old and a 34 month old), I was quite desperate for the two afternoons a week that DS goes to nyrsery. So much so, that I was quite happy to get us all out of the house and round to the nursery.

I think your DH should keep taking him. Start talking now about how nursery is special time for the big brother....blah....blah. The thing is, once you have two, the wishes of one can't really over-ride the needs of other family members, including DC2 and you who can have a bit of respite then

I would really be quite jolly but firm and matter of fact about this as he is going, no debates. IMHO, it's more damaging not to have firm boundaries (for security) than worry about a bit of sibling rivalry which most children go through and get out the other side of unscathed

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Sorry - 11 month old and 24 month old

[atticusfinchatemybaby]

Ok, I hear the message - just grit teeth and get through it. I guess there's no easy way around it.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

You got it

[MinceSpy]

Atticus is there something you son would really like and could baby bring it as a hello big brother gift. I was concerned how DD would take the arrival of her new sibling especially as there was a five year gap. She really wanted a pair of binoculars and baby mysteriously arrived with a pair all nicely wrapped and addressed to big sister. We were careful to include her in lots of 'first' activities with her new brother, first bath etc (even if we fibbed a tiny bit).
Your little man needs lots of positive love and firm boundaries. You and the new baby need to take him to school so he can show everybody that he is a caring big brother. Yes it's tough but you can do it.

[specialmagiclady]

The other thing I used to do was to say "we'll just go and have a look at nursery and see what's going on"

[NotCitrus]

Really emphasising how baby can't do painting/climbing frame/gluing/eating any nice food because it's too small helped.
Also a present "from" the baby, and any possible smile from the baby is "i think she likes you". And I told toddlers the baby really likes her feet being tickled. Actually the baby probably doesn't give a toss, but given the toddlers all wanted to poke or cuddle the baby, it was a good way to make them feel involved and helpful without hurting the baby!

Fling toddler in buggy and head off to nursery when necessary. Followed by going to play sessions with baby and falling asleep in the baby corner...

[Librarina]

I don't think it's been suggested yet, but a friend of mine didn't tell her older child that she stayed at home with the baby, she just pretended that the baby went to nursery too, but in a different place.

[WiggleGinger]

Ha! I'm
With librariana
For a while dd just figured I went to work and took the baby to jut dry after dropping her at school. She really was mon the wiser.
I didn't keep it from her as such, I just didn't actually say anything.
It dawned one day when asking how her day was she asked me how work was and asked baby how nursery was.
Eventually I did own up and say that baby wasn't old enough for nursery yet and that he will go whether bigger etc
Buy you don't actually have to 'own up' just play the game that actually nothings really changed. Then when baby comes along baby goes to boring baby nursery instead of awesome big boy nursery !

[WiggleGinger]

Nursery no jut dry (typing on phone sorry!)

[atticusfinchatemybaby]

libriana - I like that idea! I think DS might go for it. Or even better, I could tell him baby is going somewhere even less popular (e.g. dentist) every day...