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Teenage daughter in a physically abusive relationship

(2 Posts)
Jayontheblock Sun 14-Dec-14 22:04:50

Need some advice on how to continue to support her and try to help her stay away from him. She made the decision to go to the police but a week later is regretting this and I know she is being sucked back in again. Feel so helpless, what can I do?

heyday Sun 14-Dec-14 23:19:45

My 16 year old daughter was dating a very abusive (physically and verbally) slightly older lad and the abuse certainly got worse once she fell pregnant at 17. I frequently commented on how he treated her but I quickly realised that every time I said something, the more she would cling to him. In the end I had to stop commenting as she did not want to hear and she turned to him more and more. Once I spoke to him about not attacking my daughter and he turned on me. Police were involved on several occasions but she would never give a statement and therefore no action was taken against him apart from a few words from the intervening police officer.
I have had 4 years of watching my daughter go from one abusive man to the next until the point whereby she has become almost as aggressive as they are.
I can empathise in how agonising it is to watch our children go through these wretched relationships but our input is not appreciated.
All I can advise is to keep a careful eye on things. If you think he has physically abused her then phone police but you could totally alienate her. Try to maintain a relationship with her. Let her know you love her unconditionally. Give her numbers of people she could speak to. You could tell her that you are not happy with the way he treats her but only say it once as she will just turn to him more if you disapprove. I have been to hell and back year after year but I am totally powerless as only the girls themselves can stop these damaging relationships but they don't always want to or are not prepared/able to get out of relationship for a very long time. I hope you can find the strength to walk this painful, frustrating journey that your daughter is taking you on.

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