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Parenting

12yr old has a problem with idea of more siblings

16 replies

5exybomb · 14/12/2014 19:10

My 12 year old DS1 is a well rounded, lovely, popular boy, happy in all areas of his life, except he has a real issue with the idea of us having more children. He has a sister DS1 who is 8 years old and being only 4 when she was born never objected and was the perfect brother.
My DH and I are planning on more and he is completely anti it. I'm not sure if DS1 hates the idea of us having sex or its because I am 36 and look young and he is very proud telling me all his mates think im his big sister.
Does anyone else have similar issues? Our DD1 is perfectly fine and happy with the idea.

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Andro · 14/12/2014 23:49

He's 12, possible issues include:

Not understanding the appeal of a shrieking, miniature human.
Being worried about being pushed out.
Thinking he'll have to babysit.
Thinking everything will go age appropriate to the lowest common denominator.
Being 12 - not an age renowned for children being empathetic to the needs/wants/emotions of others.

More problematic though is if any of his friends have newish siblings and their mums had a rough time during pregnancy/delivery...if so he may be scared for you.

12 years plus is a big age gap, it can be really tough.

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JustMuddlingBobBobBobbingAlong · 15/12/2014 00:08

My parents certainly never asked my opinions on them having more children. Will his being anti another sibling stop you having more kids?

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quietlysuggests · 15/12/2014 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReallyTired · 15/12/2014 10:09

I am surprised that you discussed having more children with your twelve year old. I expect he find the whole idea of his parents having sex rather embrassing and disgusting.

I suggest you don't tell him that he might have a sibling until you are at least 12 weeks pregnant.

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plummyjam · 15/12/2014 11:16

I know a lot of people with very much younger siblings (10 years +) and funnily enough they seem to have very good relationships, possibly better sometimes than those with smaller gaps. There doesn't seem to be any rivalry and the older siblings are almost protective of the younger ones. My sister is 10 years older than me and we get on great. I think it could work quite well for you.

Doesn't answer your question but tbh as others have said, I wouldn't really offer a choice!

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LuckyCharms · 15/12/2014 11:26

I'm not sure it's a good idea to share TTC plans with your existing children for many reasons.

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5exybomb · 15/12/2014 13:42

Thanks excellent points- why are we even discussing it with him anyway!

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noddyholder · 15/12/2014 13:44

I am amazed he is even interested in how you look or your plans to have more children. He sounds like he has too much say!

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ReallyTired · 15/12/2014 13:55

noddy most twelve year olds have too much to say and think they know it all. In fact I think that having a hormonal pre teen is enough to put anyone off further children!

Each to their own.

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noddyholder · 15/12/2014 14:05

Yes I agree but don't know many who comment or their mum looking young and being proud of her looks They are too busy being a pita!

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feetheart · 15/12/2014 14:14

Just to add - there is a 15 year age-gap between my little sister and me and, out of the four of us (me, twins 2 years younger, lil sis 13 years after that!) we are by far the closest.

I'd say stop discussing it and present it as a done deal if it happens. If my mum had included us in any discussions we would have had to confront the fact that sex was involved and you really don't want to do that at that age - wwwww :)

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feetheart · 15/12/2014 14:14

That should have been ewwww - damn auto-correct!

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BackforGood · 15/12/2014 14:17

Agree with so many others - I can't understand why you would be discussing such an intimate and personal thing with anyone other than your dh, let a lone a 12 yr old boy.

I totally agree with what Quietlysuggests and Reallytired say.

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ReallyTired · 15/12/2014 14:18

My twelve year old thinks I'm ugly and old. If his mates thought I was ds big sister then I might feel more broody.

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scarletforya · 15/12/2014 15:05

Eh, tell him to suck it up!

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5exybomb · 16/12/2014 19:24

I agree with many points raised on here. We didn't exactly ask our DS's permission or anything, but we just brought it up in conversation as to gauge the reaction and put out the "feelers" and were very upset at the reaction from DS. However like ReallyTired rightly says my DS does have a lot to say and thinks he is always right! We are a very close family and discuss and debate most things, however you are all right this shouldn't be one of them!
After reading your comments I have to say I feel a whole lot better, we don't need to discuss this with him and what we do is a given.
What Feetheart says about his family is encouraging- My DS is very caring and family orientated so im sure once he is over the shock of the news he will be an excellent brother. He weekly bores anyway so he is hardly going to be effected by a crying baby on a daily basis!!