I have two dds. Dd1 (7) is very mature, intelligent (v high achiever at school) and has always been rather gentle. DD2 (4) is different. She also seems to be a sharp cookie, but unlike her sister is more 'fiery', and as she is only just 4, does still have the odd tantrums. I have no reason to think there is anything at all wrong with her and her forceful personality - and that is no euphemism for naughty as often her behaviour is better than dd1's - is refreshing. She isn't her sister!!
The trouble is that my parents and FIL in particular have decided she is a horror. She is naughty, not as clever as her sister, hot-headed and according to my FIL will cause us a lot of trouble in the future.
My heart is broken. Why do people have to be like this? She is so lovely, articulate and kind it hurts me to my very core that people who allegedly love her would say such things. Even if she did have the "behavioural problems" my FIL is keen to point out I would love her
I think every personality type has its positives and then the bits you might want to work on as a parent and it sounds like you believe this too.
I have a child who is quite introverted and not boisterous that often, and also quite willing to give cuddles. My MiL has compared this favourably with another couple of grandsons of hers she describes with a shake of the head as "wild" and "not loving".
So these boys have been to stay with me recently and I ended up quite irate on their behalf as they were stars tbh. They were well mannered, robust but well controlled (they are older than 4!), very different to their cousin in temperament but lovely and an absolute credit to their M and D. I put all this judging down to my MiL being an ignorant woman who lacks imagination and talks nonsense to fill in air time.
It must be so hurtful that comparisons are being made between your two children. You have my sympathies.