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Ex causing problems over access

(2 Posts)
mrsfleming2be Fri 12-Dec-14 10:09:52

I have an 8 year old son to my ex partner, we haven't been together since he was just a baby and we have an arrangement in place through the court for access. I have never ever stopped my ex seeing his son all I had ever asked for is some notice but he just used to land at the door and demand to take him away, when I refused if I had plans etc I was then subjected to threatening behaviour, abusive text messages and phone calls and I eventually had to get the police involved. He never paid me any money either so because I went to the CSA he took me to court for joint custody so he didnt have to pay me any money - but his idea of joint custody was picking him up at 7pm and dropping him back to me at 7am so I still had to do the school run etc and he wanted to get him to sleep and save him money.

So anyway luckily the sheriff saw him for what he was and he laughed him out the court, as my ex had stated that weekend access would need to be on an as and when required basis as "he needed a social life too"!! So the sheriff gave him access on a Friday night from 5pm-7.30pm then a Saturday from 6pm to 6pm on a Sunday for the first 3 weekends of the month and my son has the last Saturday of the month at home. This has worked "OK" for several years now but recently my son has started to not want to go with his dad. I am married again and my husband and I have another boy at 3 and my husband treats my eldest as his own and DS1 does call him dad and totally loves his little brother and we all spend great time together as a family and more and more he says he doesnt want to go away to spend time with his "other dad".

I have tried to reason with my ex to arrange perhaps a every second weekend from Fri-Sun arrangement or perhaps just going away one night of the week as well but he will not agree to anything unless it works around his social life. My son is now stating that when he mentions to his dad that he would like to spend some more time at home he starts screaming and shouting at him and I see him becoming more and more nervous about going. I have actually had to get the HV involved as it has really been effecting him - he now has a worry box and he posts his worries inside it (the idea is he thinks no-one knows what his worries are but we look and its always he doesnt want to go but his dad makes him and "goes crazy" at him all the time)

My ex does have previous mental health problems too so I am concerned about the effect it is having on my son. I have also just started working full time this year so that might also be a factor as I dont get to spend as much time with my boys as I previously did!

Sorry for the long rambling post but I just hoped someone might be able to offer advise when there is already an access arrangement in place that is not working out anymore.

Thanks in advance!

wheresthelight Fri 12-Dec-14 15:57:51

I would stop sending him and then see a solicitor and your GP and have his stress and anxiety noted.

your ex sounds like a real charmer

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