Desperate, i need help with my newborn(43 Posts)
He is an excessive crier. I have looked up Colic and excessive crying, which states more than three hours a day three days a week, usually starting in the evening.
He follows a daily pattern of wakefulness between 6am to 6pm and this equates to 12 hours continual crying during this period of the day. Far more than three hours per day and also it's every day the same.
He is 2 weeks and 2 days and I started to notice this pattern around 6 days old.
So I am supposed to feed on demand, I have lost the ability to tell when he is crying for food or something else because he cries ALL the time. He cries for food, so I put him to breast, then he even cries while he on my breast, he'll eventually seem done, I'll burp and cuddle him, he'll seem restful so I'll try putting him down or even just let him stay on me, but 20 minutes later he'll be screaming again. so I'll be in mental anguish do I put him back on my breast? Do I cuddle him? I try everything. I can take him out in the pram, but he does not last outside more than an hour before wailing inconsolably. My partner is amazing and often takes him off me to rock/sooth etc but eventually things get too much and i take him back to feed as nothing else will sooth him.
It is continual crying unless he is on my breast. I am not exaggerating.
I had a traumatic birth with a very long labour 16 hours and forceps were used. I have come across links to forceps/diff birth and excessive crying and autism.
I think my baby might have brain damage. Please help what do I do.
Hugs & sympathy in bucket loads. I have a 10 week old.
What are the daytime naps like, if any?
I didn't want to read and go. I don't have any advice. Only sympathy. I had a long labour and forceps and I had a non stop screaming baby. It's horrible and stressful and makes you feel terrible.
Is your baby getting plenty of milk? Plenty of wet and dirty nappies? I was feeding non stop, but the latch wasn't great and she was so hungry.
Can you call your midwife and get her to come and check the baby. That's what they are there for. Don't feel like you are wasting their time. It's still very soon after the birth.
It's very hard those first few weeks and with dd I spent a large proportion of it just feeding for hours. He's only very little so it's normal to want to feed almost continually. However, I would ask the hv for advice and to make sure he's gaining weight. Sympathies! Try having one of these to sooth you while DH has him for a bit.
You sound like me with dd1 (I then had twins who were a dream in comparison).
Firstly breath. With hindsight I think my dd was constantly over tired. If you know ds has fed, is dry, is warm, swaddle him, lay him somewhere safe and go to the toilet and make a cup of tea. He will be fine and you will stay sane.
I wish I had a tiny love Classic mobile for dd1 as dtds watched it for ages.
find a routine to use as a guide (not rigid but to give you an idea). I love the Rachel waddilove one as it showed me how much sleep dc need. More sleep in the day meant more sleep in the night with dtds (wish I knew that with dd1 as I was scared of she slept in the day she'd be even more horrendous at night).
It is normal for some babies and if it helps dd1 was a dream toddler and is a very bright and loving 6yo. Dtds were dream babies but my goodness the toddler stage has pushed me close to the edge many times!
Anyone bleating on about their babies who sleep through the night... You may mentally slap but also imagine them with nightmare teens (helped me to do this).
The quietest "best behaved"baby I know who friends always referred to making me feel crap turned out to be deaf. Things aren't always as they seem. Dd1 had a traumatic birth and I think it did affect her. It will get better I promise... I used to call dh in tears telling him dd was autistic and hated me as she wouldn't look at me... She's fine.
Big hugs. A screaming baby is tortuous.
Things you could do:
Burp him more often.
Offer him a dummy
Give him some formula.
Are you definitely producing enough milk? Check your supply
Give anti colic medication.
And see a cranial osteopath. These are supposed to be great especially for babies coming via forcep delivery. Lots if folk on here have used one.
I hope things get easier for you. I had a traumatic birth with an early baby with a tongue tie so Breatsfeeding was difficult but my birth wasn't as long as yours and thankfully ds stopped crying when cuddled. So do your best - feed him as often as you can, cuddle him and do whatever works for you but definitely speak to the midwife. It must be terribly stressful but it will pass. Congratulations - and you will soon be enjoying your beautiful baby
Yes and try wrapping in a blanket. He might scream at first but try it out. He is probably exhausted. He might cry for 2 minutes tops. You'll be helping him to help himself
I second the cranial osteopath - didn't use one myself but have heard great things and it was next on my list after I had a private lactation consultant round ( whih was so useful).
I knew this would be a difficult birth before I had even got to that part. See midwife HV first but then I would google cranial ost in your area and make an appointment. This is by no means a diagnosis but forceps can move around the bones in the back of the baby head and make th really uncomfortable the osteopath can sort it out.
Secondly if there are lots of wet nappies and poo then there's enough milk.
Formula will make no difference unless the baby is hungry and the BM is not enough.
The crying at the boob flagged me too. Have you had the latch looked at?
I too would chck a baby chiropractor or cranial osteopath. My chiropractor specialises in babies and get slots of midwife referrals.
Look into possible silent reflux.
Unsettled newborns are major hard work, especially when its your first. Look after yourself.
Massive hugs. I haven't been through this myself but when he does nap swaddle him maybe try putting one of your tops next to him so he thinks he's still being held. Try using a white noise app on your phone. Maybe will help settle. Leave it on quietly so you can have some time. Sorry not much help but couple of ideas x I didn't breast feed but maybe try some formula just to see if it's due to hunger or expressing so you know what he is he is getting xx
I recommend googling for a local IBCLC to check the latch, tongue tie etc.
Then try osteopathy.
Then find a local sling library and see if being in a sling and walking helps. Maybe a stretchy wrap, it's cuddly and upright.
Also worth seeing if keeping your ds upright most if the time helps.
And get all the help you can from friends, family etc.
It will get better, but I know it doesn't feel like that now.
I know lots of mumsnet see it a woo but I would try a cranial osteopath.
My dd was a ventouse delivery and ended up with a very misshapen and sore head, the delivery meant she was twisted and her gut and stomach were slightly squif which is fairly common with a shoulder dystocia.
Dd was a big crier but the osteopathy helped (didn't cure it) then she grew out of it as she physically grew.
I think instrumental deliveries can be very traumatic to babies (I say that as someone who would do the same thing in a heartbeat as it saved my dd) and some allowances need to be made a bit.
Sounds like DD1. It was silent reflux.
Other things to consider: CMPI or tongue tie.
Sounds identical to my ds, he was diagnosed with Cows Milk Protein Allergy (cmpa). It's far more common than people realise and there's recently been a big push to raise awareness.
Unfortunately, the correct diagnosis came at 5.5 months, after months of waiting for things to get better and countless misdiagnosis of colic, reflux etc.
After 5 days on an exclusion diet it was like having a different child.
May well not be cmpa but definitely something to consider.
I hope things improve quickly for you.
Look up silent reflux and cows milk protein intolerance - both of those can cause the desperate to feed but then crys and pulls away, arching back when being fed.
Also get latch checked and try a dummy and sling or carrier to keep him upright. If your at your wits end with feeding it won't hurt to give a bit of formula and see if any better.
So is he awake between 6am and 6pm?
If so he will be unbelievably overtired. This in itself could be what is making him cry, there need not be any other reason.
There could also be some other reason (like reflux, allergies, tongue tie or other feeding difficulties meaning he's not full/has tummy ache) which is both keeping him awake and also making him cry. There are lots of "normal" reasons like this so please don't assume the worst like brain damage.
Will he go to sleep if you walk with him in the pram? What about if you go for a drive (if you have a car)? What I think you need to do ideally is focus on getting more sleep into him in the day somehow. Usually motion is the key for an overtired baby. At least 3 hours of total napping in the day ideally. Once he is getting a decent amount of sleep, only then can you start to figure out if there is something else underlying as well as the overtiredness.
If you have the funds, I also agree with trying a cranial osteopath but only if you can get a recommendation for a good one near you as some are much better than others. A lactation consultant is also a good idea, ideally one who knows about tongue tie and reflux.
Thanks for all your helpful ideas everyone. He does nap when we get him in the pram, but he does not nap much at all when he is awake, so overtired could b a factor. Possibly will try swaddling and just leaving him down, i have't tried this yet as i always think he must be crying for something from me like milk/cuddles.
A dummy i have tried! I understand u need to keep trying with getting them to take do i will keep trying.
His latch is good, strong and he takes big 'gulps' until he falls off, but then he will often cry soon feeding
When you put him flat on his back after feeding does he seem to still be gulping and swallowing?
.... soon after feeding, after burping, which makes me think i hurt him burping him or at least seriously pissed him off!
I will call the midwives i think before i lose the plot
thanx once again x
I would keep him upright after feeding and try to get him to nap before next feed.
How often is he feeding, do you have long gaps or is he just cluster feeding all day?
Also try a sling, some babies just don't like to be away from you and you can get a cup of tea etc while he naps in there.
Oh yes, definitely a sling; preferably an upright one as that will help with potential reflux pain.
Poor you, it sounds horrible.
So many possible reasons, much more likely than brain damage or autism though I understand how horrible this is.
Some things to consider:
1. Lactose overload
This is when a bf baby snacks a lot and doesn't get to the fatty hind milk. They cry a lot, are windy, frequently hungry and have frothy/green/explosive poos. Try block feeding. Info here-http://www.llli.org/faq/oversupply.html
2. CMPI - look at the symptoms on the net, try dairyfree for a fortnight if you think its possible.
3. Colic - creates babies who just cry a lot through their first 100 days. All you can do is find ways to cope. Baby massage, hydrotherapy etc...
4. You have a baby who is very tired but needs more help than most to sleep - try a sound machine, loud white noise can help.
5. Consider reflux.
Here's a link to a medical article on excessive crying. The bottom line is it's most commonly associated with feeding issues.
You have my sympathy, I've had two who've seemed to take the first 12 weeks to get used to having bowels, with every bowel related issue causing endless screaming. Digestion, pooing, wind....
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