How far do you 'help' with homework? DS (6) independant but getting it wrong

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Hi

Looking for some other views here.

DS (6, Year 2) tends to get 2 or 3 bits of homework a week. He is ok with the spelling ones and he enjoys maths esp now the school has moved to online maths homework! However, the writing task causes lots of friction.

He is very independant (wonder where he gets that from ) so wants to do it himself. However, he gets quite a few of the spellings wrong, or rather he has spelt them phonetically. I try to be positive and to encourage him to look at them again but he doesn't like being wrong or want to change them. I get frustrated as does he, it is very difficult time!

I did probe him on why he won't let me help him yesterday and he said it will take longer. I think basically he wants to just do it and get back to something more interesting.

I suppose I feel that there isn't much point him doing homework if we are not trying to help him see the mistakes. Or should I just leave him go to school with lots of misspellings?

DH and I both work almost full time, so homework is done of a weekend, usually in two sessions to ease the our pain.

Obviously I need to ask his teacher what she thinks I should do (she had already said at parents' evening he is very independant which she saw as a good thing, that he wants to do it on his own) which I will do this week, but I just wondered what others do?

TIA

[slightlyinsane]

Homework is a pain in the ass! Especially when you have kids who battle with it. My eldest is very similar to yours, at 6 I used to sit with her while she did it on her own then ask her to show me what she had done and gently point out the mistakes if there was more than a few. I would leave it if there was a few as I think the teacher should see some mistakes especially if they are ones that she always struggles with. If they were just silly things we would change them together, just by encouraging her to self mark, re-reading things to check. It took a good couple of yrs for her to willingly accept help and now is happy to work together on the harder stuff, she's 10 now.
Try not to make it a battle ground and if he's not in an overly receptive mood leave it and revisit if you have the time. I know you said you work and time is short but have you tried doing it on a wk day say 10 minutes or so before bed, that way weekends are free and there's the prospect of him getting to stay up a few minutes later than normal (works with my 7yr old, she just doesn't realise she still goes to bed at same time)

[ooerrmissus]

As little as possible. It's their homework, not mine. The teacher doesn't care about my spelling and handwriting, but she does need to know if the kids are getting it wrong.

I would encourage your child to check their work and ask if they are not sure, and leave it at that. If I have helped then I always put 'with help' in the margin.

[squizita]

The teacher needs to see accurately what he can and can't do, so s/he can plan spelling lessons accurately. It's a method called AFL (assessment for learning). You teach something - then set a homework to see what they can do later, without you - then do corrections or revisit (depending on age) as required. Like a cycle. As a teacher I ask parents not to correct for their kids for this reason.

[GoogleyEyes]

I have a 6yo dd and I just make sure she does the homework, encourage her to read it through at the end (she's prone to doing it too quickly and missing out one of the questions) and leave it at that.

I usually do my meal planning and shopping list for the week at the same table, so if she wants to ask me anything she can, but I'm not hovering over her.

[squizita]

And as PP has suggested, if you do any corrections or help, let the teacher know. Talking through work and supporting them is fine - asking "are you sure?" or why - but not changing spellings.

Teachers need homework to see what the kids remember later ... not their parents.
Also, I've had a kid whose mum did all his homework get really upset by it - he felt it was because he "wasn't clever enough" ... it was slowing his progress too, as his teacher (in my team, a new teacher nervous of parents) was setting work that was too hard for HW because she was judging what his mum could do, not him. And so the cycle continued for a short while until I stepped in. At first the parent was upset but soon his progress picked up to above his age and he felt better.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Thanks all for your sensible and helpful advice. I will take a step back and try some of the approaches outlined.

I was sitting there yesterday after another stressful session, thinking I cannot have another 16 years of this (DD is only 1.5)...not sure I can cope!

Oh and the irony of me admonishing his spelling and then I spell "independence" wrong...twice.

Thanks again. I love Mumsnet & Mumsnetters :)

[grassroots]

If he is in Yr 2 I would buy him a children's dictionary so he could look things up for himself. Then at least he has the tools to hand?