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Is my second baby not getting enough attention?

(22 Posts)
pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 09:41:51

Hi,

Sorry if this is a silly thing topic!

I have a two week old baby and a four year old and today is our first day on our own now that my husband has gone to work. Getting my eldest ready for nursery was really hard as I just had to keep leaving the baby crying in his baby chair. I know there's no way around this really as I only have one pair of hands but it's so stressful, I keep comparing it to when my first was a baby and I never let her cry and picked her up or held her all the time!
I was just wondering if any kind strangers had any tips or experiences to share?

Quitelikely Mon 08-Dec-14 09:48:37

Can the four year old not get herself ready? Encourage more independence.

Unfortunately it is the case that sometimes the baby might need to have a little cry but there's not a lot of ways around it. Having two is hard!

pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 09:53:18

Thanks, the four year could mostly get ready on her own but she has regressed a little since the baby!

You're right, I know. Just wondering if anyone else had the same thing/ feels a bit guilty about it!

CaminanteNoHayCamino Mon 08-Dec-14 09:53:42

Get a sling. You need your hands free much more with a second child. Also, as long as there is no emergency, crying for a short while will not harm your second. There's a reason second children IME tend to be much more independent! Someone said to me when I had my first Dc to really enjoy it as it's not the same second time round, and it's true. I mean I enjoyed lots of things more the second time as you are more confident and relaxed usually but the second just cannot get the same level of attention. It's not always a bad thing. They fit around your/dc's lives and routines rather than the other way round, especially when you have things like nursery or school to factor in. Congratulations by the way. At least you have the hours when your first is in nursery. Imagine if you had a toddler always at home. I had a similar gap to you and it is an advantage in some ways, at this stage anyway. Good luck!

pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 10:01:45

smile Ah, thanks! Will definitely be getting the sling, so thanks for the advice! I think it is just a bit overwhelming the first morning! Luckily the eldest was well behaved today so sorting her out went smoothly. Im sure there will be mornings when they are both screaming which ought to be super fun.

Mintberrycrunch Mon 08-Dec-14 10:05:08

I have a 4y8m dd and dd2 is 4m, mornings can be hard, I feed dd2 in bed at 7-7.15 then leave her in her bed or on her playmat whilst get dd1 up and sort breakfast out. Whilst she's eating get I get ready quickly, change dd2 re dress her and sort out dd1s clothes and she puts them on with a bit of assistance. Then get in car. Takes 45-1 hr for us. Sometimes she is left for a min or two crying. But going from one to the other helps a bit.

Livvylongpants Mon 08-Dec-14 10:05:12

DD was 2 when DS was born so no nursery, yes sometimes he had to cry while I stopped DD killing herself grin

But sometimes she had to wait for things until I was finished with DS. Which was actually harder as she was used to us doing everything immediately for her.

1 year on and they both have patience and can cope with waiting.

We'll see how I cope in a few weeks when DC3 arrives.confused

bobs123 Mon 08-Dec-14 10:06:02

With hindsights I actually thought I left DD1 out a bit as DD2 was so demanding. It is tough getting the balance right, and I never managed the knack of b/fing the younger at the same time as helping the older with reading!!

Mintberrycrunch Mon 08-Dec-14 10:08:18

Also use the sling at home with dd2

GreatJoanUmber Mon 08-Dec-14 10:09:04

It is always hard in the first few weeks; it will get easier soon!

And yes, your second baby will get less attention - from you. But, he/she will also get attention, love and entertainment from your DD! That's the beauty of having siblings.

With DS1, I did baby yoga, baby music group, baby swimming, baby massage, and all kinds of other groups. With DS3, I did nothing of the sort - he just tags along to whatever his brothers are doing. But: he's never alone, he's probably the happiest, most content baby out of the three of them; he loves to watch his brothers play and to play with them. I honestly think he's luckier than DS1 was as he's got 4people looking after him smile

On grants on your new baby, and I'm sure you'll manage just fine in a few weeks.

GreatJoanUmber Mon 08-Dec-14 10:09:29

P.S. And yes, yes, yes to using a sling!

pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 10:16:49

All your answers are making me feel better about my morning smile

pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 10:18:14

Wow, good luck! I'd love three but not sure I could take it!

pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 10:24:03

Thank you!

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Dec-14 10:41:35

I had two under 1 at one point (11 months between my kids) - and the youngest would never ever tolerate any sling or wrap I tried (and I tried a LOT - she just doesn't like her legs being restricted by them).

I actually enjoy things a lot more second time around - less worried about doing everything "right" and more concerned about just doing what the fuck works for us.

DD2 absolutely idolises her big sister by the way - "sister" was her first word.

kaymondo Mon 08-Dec-14 10:46:26

Second children often get less attention/left to cry a bit more. I can honestly say ds2 is a much more chilled and patient child because of it, where as ds1 is v demanding and wants everything now.

flipflopsonfifthavenue Mon 08-Dec-14 11:28:48

DS1 is 2.4yo and DS2 is 4 weeks and I feel the same. My main worry is that DS2 gets overtired easily as I don't have the time to focus on getting him to sleep - he won't just drop off. So I worry he's sleep deprived and that it'll harm his development...!

and yes, he is left to cry far more than DS1 EVER was!!

PoppyAmex Mon 08-Dec-14 12:10:20

I have a 2.9DD and a 1yo DS and I agree with kaymondo, DD is a bit of a drama queen and DS appears to be a lot more relaxed and low maintenance as a result.

I feel guilty about everything. Every single day. According to mum, this feeling will never go away, which is a nice thought grin

pigeon1982 Mon 08-Dec-14 16:36:20

Great to have everyone's experience and advice! Glad I'm not alone in the guilt and worrying!!

Scaredycat666 Tue 09-Dec-14 09:05:54

I have 2yo and 3 week old. Also trying to sort out the balance. Hard hard hard!

Nocturne123 Tue 09-Dec-14 09:25:50

I have a 19 month old and a 3 month old and it really is hard ! Ds likes to be held constantly and dd is a very active and demanding toddler. I have no great words of wisdom as I'm just trying to muddle through myself!

It will only get easier is my mantra wink ( though harder in other ways I'm sure)

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 09-Dec-14 09:30:25

I have a seven week old a very nearly three year old. Baby always wants a bottle when im prepping dds lunch or dinner so I find these the mose stressful times. I also feel like Baby just gets left in his bouncer etc but DD will be off to nursery soon so we wilk have that time every day

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