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Anyone get stoned and look after baby? AIBU to feel this is inappropriate ?

(7 Posts)
eepie Sat 06-Dec-14 10:17:34

Me and my DP had massive row last night... he came home to give me a break before bath time as I was completely knackered. He smelled of smoke (he has promised he won't smoke around the baby and if he has been smoking he will wash his hands and change his jumper before looking after her - she does a lot of finger chewing and shoulder chewing at the moment - teething) So I asked him if he'd been smoking and he said "Yeah I had a joint at so-and-so's house" .... I then got mad as I was SO knackered & really wanted to just lay my head down for an hour but didn't feel happy about him looking after DD whilst stoned (She is almost 5 months old). He said he was fine and he doesn't see the problem with being stoned whilst looking after her. I got completely exasperated as I was tired & also just fed up and disheartened by his lack of respect for my feelings or for my wishes about how my baby is taken care of. We have talked about this SO many times, and when I was pregnant too I was very clear that I do not want him to look after the baby whilst stoned. For me it is not acceptable to get stoned in the afternoon and then come home to look after the baby. He knew he'd be coming home to play with her/look after her for an hour or so whilst I had a rest.
I don't know what to do? I went and had a rest but couldn't sleep as was so angry with him & felt powerless as he just doesn't listen to my wishes. He thinks it's ok because all his family are stoners and that is just how they are & how they've always been and he just thinks it's great and lovely and doesn't see a problem. (He doesn't smoke every day so when he does he actually does get stoned rather than it being his constant state IYSWIM) It's not what I want for my baby & it causes massive tensions between us. It's causing such a problem in our relationship I don't understand why he can't see how destructive and inappropriate it is. Am I being uptight ...? No-one else I know has a stoned DP looking after the baby....to me this is just not normal and it makes me very uncomfortable. I have no problem with him going to his friend's house and having a joint in the evenings sometimes or maybe on a Sunday afternoon if we are at a BBQ or something but I draw the line at getting stoned during childcare. But the problem is, I can't draw the line as he doesn't respect it ! I don't know what else to do but leave. I'm completely exasperated. We have had this argument too many times ! :-( Sorry for rant by the way but I'm at my wits end.

PacificDogwood Sat 06-Dec-14 10:20:03

You cannot change his behaviour, only your response to it.

I am so sorry.

Is there anywhere you can go with your DD?
thanks

Levismum Sat 06-Dec-14 10:22:03

He is, what he is.

You've 2 choices.

Good luck.

GilbertBlytheWouldGiftIt Sat 06-Dec-14 10:23:15

No different to having a few drinks and looking after the baby, which I wouldn't find acceptable either.

PrettySnowyPictures Sat 06-Dec-14 10:30:05

No its not appropriate for him to be stoned and looking after a child. But I'm curious, do you see your child as his child too? There's an awful lot of "my baby" there and not one "our baby"

Some people could of course argue that maruana (sp?) Is legal in some places so shouldn't be an issue but for me it doesn't matter even if it was legal here, I'd never have someone who smoked it looking after my children.

MinceSpy Sat 06-Dec-14 10:40:26

So what are you going to do? He won't change

AnotherEmma Sat 06-Dec-14 10:46:02

Yes I noticed "my baby" not "our baby". Does he generally take responsibility for the baby or is it mostly you?

I agree that it's unacceptable to be stoned when looking after a child - presumably he wouldn't want you to be drunk so why should he stoned?

If this is something you've already discussed and he doesn't respect you or take his responsibilities seriously enough, I think you have no choice but to leave him. Sorry.

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