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Can I have a hand hold please?

(5 Posts)
Mrsfrumble Tue 02-Dec-14 15:52:23

Just a little one, because I'm being a bit pathetic.

My 4 year old DS started preschool today. He'll be there for 3 hours a day, 3 days a week until he settles in, then it will be 5 hours a day. For various reasons (second maternity leave, international move, struggle to find a preschool) he's been at home full time with me since he turned 2 (before that he was with a wonderful childminder).

His 2 year old sister has also gone with him for the morning, as the preschool had a space in their toddler room. The plan is for her to go for one 5 hour session a week, so that I can have a free day for driving lessons and to catch up with house work.

So I've just dropped them off and I'm sitting in a silent, empty house. I have not been away from both of them for more than 2 hours at a time since DD was born, and I could count the times that I have. I'm feeling a bizarre mixture of guilt, anxiety and elation. I'm a very anxious person anyway (to the point of it being an issue, I'm starting to think) and my stomach is knotted with worry that DS will struggle with the structured environment or won't fit in with the other children, and that DD will be upset at being left, and that I'm a bad person for being a SAHM who has shipped her children off.

I know that learning to drive will improve the lives of everyone in the family, and that I'll be a calmer, happier wife and mother if I have a little breathing space and a cleaner house. I also know that DS will benefit from the structure and socialization and will be better prepared for starting school next year, and that DD will be fine. The teachers at the preschool seem lovely and calm and very experienced, and that DS won't be the first quirky child they've ever taught.

That's it really. I have laundry to sort and grocery shopping to do, so I need to stop picturing DD howling in a corner, or DS causing havoc.

CaulkheadUpNorth Tue 02-Dec-14 15:54:20

Hand holding. Would you like some tea? Tea always helps.

Mrsfrumble Tue 02-Dec-14 15:58:29

Tea is a very good idea! I've not had one yet this morning, as I was so focussed on getting the children breakfasted and dressed and out of the house on time. Will put the kettle on....

CaulkheadUpNorth Tue 02-Dec-14 15:59:45

Good plan. Can you write a plan for today? Sometimes that can help so it doesn't seem so long alone.

Mrsfrumble Tue 02-Dec-14 19:04:59

Well, they're home! Three hours just flew by. I did make it to the grocery store, and it was blissful to shop by myself without any whining or anyone trying to escape from the trolley.

DD was apparently angelic. I only spoke very briefly with DS's teacher as she was busy with the other children; when I asked her how he'd been she just smiled and said "he'll get the hang of it". DS himself has been pretty negative about the whole experience. He told me on the way home that his teacher "was a burglar who stole me and tried to sell me to someone else". He's in a grump now and says he wants to stay at home tomorrow sad.

I know this is not unusual and he just needs to settle in but I still feel crap. How long will it take for him to get used to school? Poor boy is my PFB and the main focus of my anxiety issues.

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