Can I ask about your age gaps between your 1st and 2nd child?(29 Posts)
The title says it all really. What are your age gaps between your first two children and what were the pros and cons?
2.4 so far (3 months in!) it's been good as dc1 was very accepting of the whole situation and loves dc2 but the pregnancy was hard going with a toddler and sometimes it's wine inducing how stressful it can get!
8 years and a week, it was good as I could sleep when the baby slept in the day, no jealousy etc
Trying to find days out they both enjoyed was a pain somwtimes and they are not exactly close but some of that is down to personality
All being well, 4.6 years (due April with second).
I found this useful link recently: www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html.
Ds is 18 months and I'm 25 weeks pregnant, so there will be 22 months between them (all being well).
The pros are they get on fine, they can be taken to the same days out without one getting bored. DC 1 can't remember being on his own so no resentment of any sort.
The cons are it was very exhausting for years having 2 so young but it has paid off.
3yrs and 12 days (should have been exactly 3yrs but DS2 was late). I have found this a good gap. DS1 was old enough to understand rules re the baby I.e dont poke the baby etc and they like mostly the same things now they are 4 and 7.
2 years and 6 weeks
There was a lot of jealousy initially but through the primary years it was much easier finding activities that they both wanted to do
Now they are 13 and 11 we are back to jealousy but now it's the younger one 'how come she's allowed...' type stuff
And i'm dreading the year one is doing A levels while the other is doing GCSEs but on the whole it's worked for us
2y5m between #1 and #2. In this case though I think the fact that ds' birthday is the last day of the school year so he is 3 school yrs ahead of dd1 has made the biggest differenc to their relationship. Ds went to school when she was 18m old, if he had been born a day later she would have been 2.5 when he went. They don't have a very close bond, I think this at least contributes to why. They are growing somewhat closer now dd has started school, before the age gap has always seemed bigger than it actually is.
Dd1 and dd2 are 2yrs and 1 wk apart and much closer. Personality plays a big part too imo, dd2 and ds who are 4y5m apart have an easier relationship than ds and dd1.
Pros and cons in terms of parenting are too difficult to pick apart from dcs personalities, the slightly bigger gap was easier practically speaking but in hindsight that was due to ds being a physically predictable child. Dds are much more physically difficult but ds is the hardest child to parent by a big margin and it has always been so. If I was making these decisions again I might have considered leaving a little longer between all 3 because I have found it hard and restrictive. The other side of that is the baby part is all over and done.
Another thing I probably would say is that sibling relationships aren't set in stone, they're always evolving. None of my dc showed signs of jealousy or competing for my attention in the early years, that turned up later on and different things bring them closer as time goes on and each child experiences different things. It's great to see and makes me less bothered about the specifics like age gaps.
17 months here. They are now 3 and 4.
Pros - all the baby stuff was done together. Now there's no more nappies, bottles etc
They like a lot of the same things
I can parent them in roughly the same way I.e both get same rules and consequences
Cons- 2 under 2 was hard. Nursery fees were double. Dealing with a newborn and a tantruming toddler was horrendous.
The shorter age gap worked well for us though, I don't like the baby stage so was glad to get it out of the way quickly.
Each family is different, so you need to work out what will be best for you
22 months. They're 11 and 9 now and tbh I've never really had issues. When DD was born, DS didn't really notice and he wasn't jealous. I was still used to the whole baby thing so wasn't too much of a shock to the system.
They get on well now and apart from a few spats they generally do. Wasn't planned to have this size of gap but I'm glad I did
4 years. Not by choice but has worked out brilliantly. I had DD1 at home with DD2 for a year before she went off to school so she felt included in the new set up. She hasn't really complained that me and DD2 get to hang out all day while she goes to school, although maybe she just hasn't noticed yet. I am very happy that things worked out the way they did but do sometimes cringe at the fact that I will still be at the school gates in 11 years time.
Brutally hard initially - now starting to pay real dividends with them both being toddlers and getting toward a similar point in terms of shared interests and playing together.
Drawback being the shared interest is fucking Frozen.
3 y 9 mths and 2 yr 8 months between my 3. The big gap was a lifesaver when dc2 was born very poorly as dc1 was a lot more independent than a toddler would be. The oldest two get on very well and have lots of shared interests at 4 and 8 although the oldest sometimes doesn't appreciate how much smaller and younger his sibling is. The toddler fits in well and they dote on her but I expect the dynamics will change as they get older. I like the baby and toddler phases though so wasn't eager to get it over with.
I'm only 12 weeks in but it's getting slightly easier now. Our one problem is that our 18mo is up every night so not much sleep happens.
I have been in baby mode since dd was born so it wasn't hard to go back to the newborn stage.
Jealousy was a slight issue but has definitely passed (for now)
I'm hoping they'll be close to each other .. Or at least play with each other in the not too distant future
Oldest very soon forgot that it had once been only her
We could do lots of things together
As young children they were very close
Oldest became very independent
It was quite manic to begin with
They're 17 and 19 now and beginning to acknowledge one another again!
2.5 baby stage was a little harder but ds had withholding problems so was more stressful than it should have been.
It's been great so far, even if I do feel like a referee most days
Just over 6years, my DS is 6 in January and I'm due #2 mid March
Baby stage out of the way in one go
Entertained each other
They're 13 and 15 now and get on fine for the most part. DD1 (the 13yo) now lives with her dad for the majority of the time, so that may skew the data on them getting on, though!
FWIW, the age gap between DD1 and DD2 is 12 1/2 years. This age gap is MUCH easier
Worked for us as baby stage over quickly, and they both like the same things
2 years 10 months.
Pros. DD1 was so helpful with the new baby and was in nurseries mornings, so I was able to give both children 1:1 time
3 school years apart, there's less comparison and competition between their abilities, achievements.
They get on really well. But that's probably personality.
Not often able to book them into same age group for out of school or holiday activities. They'd have done more with security of a sibling, and drop offs, pick ups would be easier for us parents
DD1 has a mature and independent personality, DD2 has a young for age personality - they seem like 4 years apart.
It's great, they are only one school year apart and are very close, spend all their time playing together both at school and home. Pregnancy was made easier by the fact dd1 was still young enough to have two naps per day for most of it and was young enough to quickly accept the new baby when she appeared. Was pretty relentless when they were both toddlers though.
Oh yes. Mine are 1 school year apart, which means they have a lot of friends in common and I only had 1 more year of school runs after DC1 left primary school.
They attend different secondaries (DS is at boys' grammar) so there's no comparison between them by teachers.
almost 4 years between the first two and it worked well in some ways and didn't work in others. DS1 was at preschool when DS2 was born so DS2 got some one to one time and DS1 got time away doing something he loved. Family days out were a bit harder when we had a 6yo and a 2yo etc as they wanted different things.
We then had a nine year gap before DS3 - Trying to find things to suit a 2yo, 11yo and 15yo was hard but now that they are older DS3 and DS1 have a more nephew/uncle type relationship. They are very close and DS3 loves going to visit his big brother (he's moved out and lives with his GF now).
Join the discussion
Please login first.