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Tell me about your bigger age gaps between DC

(24 Posts)
iheartshoes Fri 28-Nov-14 21:10:30

As in 6/7 years plus ?! We have one DD who is 18 months I think we would like another but I am half way through retraining , will need to work for a few years and save, we would probably need to move again. Practically it just wouldn't make sense at the moment. Lots of my friends are now pregnant or planning another pregnancy quite soon. I feel a bit left out and have just been reading another thread that has made me quite sad we won't be able to have two close in age there seem to be lots of advantages. Could anyone cheer me up a bit with stories of how your DC with bigger age gaps get on and how you juggle having two children at different stages ?

southeastastra Fri 28-Nov-14 21:22:02

I have 8 year gap its great never really been any issues younger one worships older one and older one can babysit wink happy all round

iheartshoes Fri 28-Nov-14 22:09:19

Hi south do you mind if I ask a very nosy question, did you plan to have that gap particularly or is it just how things panned out ? Feel free not to answer

Notnowbernard Fri 28-Nov-14 22:13:08

There's nearly 7 yrs between my 1st and 3rd

Was great, dc1 was SO helpful, adored dc3, adjusted well with no jealousy.

I also like parenting kids that are at really different stages, makes life a bit lively grin

slushie Fri 28-Nov-14 22:19:04

There is 6.5yrs between my two.
Dd1 did have some jealousy issues until dd2 was about 7/8 months but there has been a lot of upheaval in her life the past couple of years and I think if she hadnt had all that to deal with it wouldn't of been as bad.

Dd1 really enjoys helping with dd2 and will often do things for her without asking, they seem to adore each other.

It wasn't the gap I wanted but it does work. I do struggle sometimes with keeping them both amused but it's not too bad.

Whatever the age gap there will be good and bad points, and I think so much just depends on your dcs personalities.

dorasee Fri 28-Nov-14 22:19:23

8 years between DC1(age 12) and 2 (age 4). No jealousy, no fighting, really supportive, just really lovely and DC1 is so patient. I also have a 6 month old. I like an age gap. It wasn't intentional but I am not as exhausted as I would be if the kids were super close together.

NomorepepperpigPLEASE Fri 28-Nov-14 22:22:12

Dd1 19 dd2 18 months! shock I know what the fuck was I doing !! Just when one was financially supporting herself I had a bloody other one grin <---- that is my manic grin. I'm too old for this shit!

iheartshoes Fri 28-Nov-14 22:31:21

These are great thanks all. Please keep them coming. I'm feeling very wobbly about things this evening for some reason.

southeastastra Fri 28-Nov-14 22:31:35

yes i suppose we did plan it! though i had to go back to work quite quickly and make more money before i could even think about no 2. had to build up maternity leave again etc. I think people who can take alot of time off unpaid must be alot more financially better off than we were!

iheartshoes Fri 28-Nov-14 22:42:31

Thanks south. Money is our main worry. I would like to get a bit established and qualify for maternity pay next time. That and I feel some days I can barely cope with one relatively good toddler, let alone a toddler and a newborn! But her key worker at nursery today upset me a bit (she is lovely I don't think she meant to) She said she seems very shy. Immediately I thought it is because she doesn't have a brother or sister and isn't likely to for a long time. I feel a bit teary thinking about it , what's wrong with me ?!

Awks Fri 28-Nov-14 22:46:59

There are 8 years between our girls and when they were younger it was like having 2 only children. But now they are absolutely best friends.

VeloWoman Fri 28-Nov-14 22:47:26

I have an almost seven year gap OP for many reasons;
DS1 was very premature and needed therapy/admissions/meds etc for years after he came home from hospital and I needed to be able to focus on his needs alone
I had PND and PNA etc and I wanted my mental health to recover before having another one
The first three years of life is when the biggest number of neural pathways are formed, I wanted to be able to give DS my undivided attention, focus and love during that time.

Now I have my second DS, and DS1 has a beautiful relationship with him, no jealousy luckily and is old enough to wait or get himself a drink etc. I think my favourite bit of having a big gap is that I was able to give DS1 my undivided attention before he started school and now I can focus on the baby when DS1 is at school and then after school DS2 naps/ hangs out with daddy while I focus on DS1. That way I feel like neither of them are missing out.

I will confess nappies and night feeds were a bit of a shock after not having done them for so long but you manage.

There are pros and cons to all age gaps but when it comes to siblings personality and gender often makes more of a difference to how close siblings are as adults than age gaps do. And older children often enjoy having a baby around without seeing them as a rival. There is nothing wrong with having a big gap OP if it is what is right for your family.

NomorepepperpigPLEASE Fri 28-Nov-14 22:48:50

iheart I felt like that about dd1 but she is fiercely independant and a wonderful young woman and has travelled many places around the world I wouldn't have dared.

I feel the same about dd2 also, I'm a SAHM but we put her in nursery for a few hours a week to 'make friends' and 'socialise' but she hates it. Even though the nursary workers are ace and I know them. So for now it's just groups with me.

I could not cope with a newborn now, dp is putting the screws on about me having another in the new year but I like things how they are. We can lavish dd2 with love and attention and spoil her a bit

NomorepepperpigPLEASE Fri 28-Nov-14 22:50:40

Oh I will just add - dd1 is like dd2 second mother. They love each other so much. Not that I'm advocating an 18 year age gap!!!!!!!

agoodbook Fri 28-Nov-14 22:57:46

7 and a half years between my two DD's . Eldest was great with little one, helped and was able to sort of look after herself a bit. Both grown up now (33 and 26) there was a gap in teenage years were they ignored one another- the age gap is biggest then, but now are truly best friends . Mine wasn't a planned gap- it just took that long.

iheartshoes Fri 28-Nov-14 23:10:14

Thank you everyone these are lovely stories. I feel like absolutely everyone we know is doing the more conventional 2/3 year age gap, I really like hearing about different ones and all the positives

sleeponeday Sat 29-Nov-14 00:41:28

6 year gap. They adore one another. No jealousy at all - he thinks she is his own special little pet and she thinks he is the best, funniest and most exciting person in the world.

My brother and I loathed one another. 15 months.

A big gap can be fab. It's also easier on the mother IMO as you aren't split in two, and you can enjoy and give attention to each, as individuals, with relative ease.

But the grumpiness with sleep dep needs to be managed. Same as with any age gap.

Margaritte Sat 29-Nov-14 00:51:21

6 year gap between my older 2, and a 5 year gap between my youngest 2. So 11yrs between my first and last. They all get on great smile

I enjoy having 1 pre-schooler at a time. Wouldn't be able to cope with 2! Finished my family now, though if I were to have another, again I would have a big gap.

NoMontagues Sat 29-Nov-14 01:35:23

I have a 13 year gap but I suspect you won't wait that long!

It's like having a second pfb really.

Valsoldknickers Sat 29-Nov-14 01:54:34

Adoration and hero worship are the words that come to mind when describing my DS' s. There is a 7 yr gap between my 2nd and 4th. My circumstances were not out of choice though, my DS3 died and I had three miscarriages afterwards. Age is just a number. My two older children adore little Val.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

sleeponeday Sat 29-Nov-14 16:20:12

Vals, I am so sorry for your losses. flowers

Medge68 Sat 29-Nov-14 16:30:33

I have a 4 1/2 year gap and then a 6 year gap. So 11 years between 1st and last. The 1st gap was planned - I didn't feel ready before that and loved my time alone with ds1. 2nd gap was due to divorcing and remarrying. I really liked it that way, I always had lots of one to one time with each one as the others were at school and we still have one at home and will for a few years yet. Eldest lives with his gf and dd is at uni so having DS 3 means our nest is not quite emptysmile they all get on pretty well despite the age gap! Must admit it does sometimes seem a bit like youngest is an only sometimes!

VioletWillow Sat 29-Nov-14 17:28:02

12 years age gap here! I think when you have a big gap it can be a culture shock getting back to nappies but the older one isn't jealous or super needy so you can get on with bonding with the little one. It is like having two only children smile

wheresthelight Sat 29-Nov-14 18:26:43

10 years between dss and dd and 8 years between dsd and dd.

hard work when dd was newborn as they needed stuff and wanted to go out but dd was feeding and sleeping loads and I was knackered. dd is 15 months now and it's starting to get a bit easier

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