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Husband is not good with baby

(16 Posts)
mendelli Wed 26-Nov-14 19:01:38

I am having a hard time with DH's relationship with DS. This is our first baby and he's 14 weeks old. My DH is so strange about him - never calls him by his name, just 'son' which is almost a possessive thing. He says things like 'he MY son & has MY name' ( we don't have the same surname) but 2 minutes later will be screaming at DS if he dares to cry. He says awful things like 'shut the fk up you little sht' which upset me so much. He has almost smashed the pram up 3 times when in a rage, and thrown things across the room when DS wouldn't stop crying.
He doesn't care about spending time with baby either. If he finishes work early, he will go to the gym rather than come home to be there for DS's bedtime.

But strangely, he talks constantly about how soon we can have another baby, and actually he was the one who was keen to have kids in the first place, not me.

I feel so alone and am really starting to feel angry and resentful. What can I do? I have tried to talk about it but he just turns it around on me and says I'm over sensitive.

youlookbeautifultonight Wed 26-Nov-14 19:03:10

I would request for this to be moved to relationships, I think you will get more constructive advice on there.

dorasee Wed 26-Nov-14 19:04:36

I was about to say it's kind if a normal initial response until I got to the STFU shouting part. I'd leave a guy who behaves like that. That is not normal. He seems angry, but at what?

startwig1982 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:04:44

Maybe talk to your health visitor? I'd be pretty concerned about your baby's safety if I were you. I'd probably be considering leaving.

NickiFury Wed 26-Nov-14 19:05:06

I don't know where to start but I will try. Your child's father is an abusive arsehole and I don't think you and your child are safe with him. This possessiveness won't get better it will get worse, I imagine he's like it with you too isn't he?

Is there anywhere you could go if you leave him because I think you need to.

magpiegin Wed 26-Nov-14 19:06:55

I have a 12 week old baby and if my husband shouted shut the fuck up to my baby he would be out the door. What would he be like with a toddler?

fatterface Wed 26-Nov-14 19:07:23

Smashed the pram with the baby in it?

It sounds like a pretty worrying situation. Could you talk to your HV?

Isabeller Wed 26-Nov-14 19:08:00

Very sorry to say this is very worrying behaviour. Please do get the thread moved to relationships - you will get really good advice there.

grumpyoldgitagain Wed 26-Nov-14 19:08:23

What NickiFury said is right

He is abusive and will not get better, only worse

batmanandrobin Wed 26-Nov-14 19:10:14

my DH struggled to adapt to dd1 but jeez this is extreme. have you spoken to him?

Saltedcaramel2014 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:15:13

I'm sorry to hear about how things have been, it's hard enough having a newborn without having to deal with behaviour like this. It does sound like something has gone wrong here. What was your relationship like before the baby, when you were pregnant and before? Do you feel like there's been a 'switch' in him, or have there been glimmers of this anger before? How does he make you feel about yourself? Have you tried addressing your unhappiness with the current situation, if so how did he react?

Solasum Wed 26-Nov-14 19:24:44

Wanting you Barefoot and pregnant springs to mind. Is he controlling in other ways? Are you financially dependent upon him?

Pastmyduedate0208 Wed 26-Nov-14 20:29:18

Post this in relationships and they will point out how his behaviour is typical for someone who is an abuser.
Shouting STFU at a crying baby is a massive red flag indicating violence in response to behaviour he does not like.
These behaviours are ingrained, they do not change apart from to escalate, and they are not acceptable under any circumstance.
Sorry OP.

mendelli Wed 26-Nov-14 20:31:06

Thank you everyone. I have put this in relationships as suggested.

Finola1step Wed 26-Nov-14 20:32:35

His behaviour is completely unacceptable and dangerous.

Any substance abuse? Steroids?

moomin35 Wed 26-Nov-14 22:45:29

This is both worrying and upsetting to read - PLEASE seek help x

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