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irrational guilt; part of motherhood

(4 Posts)
squizita Wed 26-Nov-14 16:54:56

I have a 2 month old and almost daily feel pangs of guilt about things I do "wrong", judgement calls and even thoughts (eg seeing a clothes advert and wanting a push up bra and can't breastfeed dress! Shallow selfish mummy). Other things are like showering with her in a bouncer but awake (she'll be bored - lol nah she was happy whacking the dangle toys) and leaving her in her car seat as I wrestle the pram into the house (err where else shall I put her, the ground?)...

DH says I'm irrational as dd is clean, comfy, breastfed, has the best we can afford of everything, is taken to pfb activities in a sling etc.

I have a few friends who post endless glurge about how motherhood means being utterly perfect on FB and kind of set up this image that (1) mums must be angels (2) your "instinct" should be one of constant worry and (3) everyone's watching you, for bad mummy moments.

So will my skin thicken up? Or is this forever? Any tips ... or am I a shallow cow.
Ugh. It's the only part of motherhood I hate: I can take the poop and night feeds...

Shelduck Wed 26-Nov-14 18:09:21

I think the feelings of lingering guilt are pretty constant, but the main thing is to keep them in perspective and it sounds like you're doing a brilliant job at that. Of course you have to have a shower, and as long as DD is safe, then she's fine, and if she gets cross because she's bored, well that's just one of life's lessons we all have to learn! And of course it's ok for you to want a push-up bra, because you're still a human being in your own right and you'll still continue to want things. if you then went and spent all your money on clothes while DD shivered in rags, that would be a different matter, but that's not what you're saying. Just remember this: 1) you will never ever be a perfect parent, you just try to do the best you can with the time/money/energy available and 2) you're still a person in your own right, and it's ok to have a grumble now and then about what you've given up to be a mother. The point is, you'll have a little grumble or a pang of nostalgia where you remember how great it was to wear nice clothes, and then you'll just get on with doing what you need to do like emptying the nappy bin. Maybe sometime soon you'll get a night out and actually get to wear some nice clothes. Both totally fine!

All the best!

P.S. Your friends on FB sound like no-one i know, thank god!

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Wed 26-Nov-14 23:56:40

I only put the good bits of my life on facebook, so maybe they are censoring themselves.
I adore my 6 month old but nice underwear and being able to get a shower are my very small dreams at the moment. I constantly worry i'm not a good mum. I miss my old life so much sometimes but when my DD giggles its all worth it (i'd never write that on fb. im not a big sharer)
You are doing a good job if DC is thriving. Try not to worry. flowers

squizita Thu 27-Nov-14 01:41:39

It's not so much things that thryve done as an attitude - and those stupid glurge "picture and slogan" things.

I it's ok really ... but sometimes I just think of what tge daily mail commenter types say and feel like crap.

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