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Surviving newborn, toddler and pnd

(4 Posts)
Scaredycat666 Wed 26-Nov-14 13:05:55

I know that there's a couple of similar threads on the go at the moment but I could do with some advice / reassurance / company!

I am 10 days in with DD with DS of 23 months. I am struggling to get my head around what to do to manage the two children.

I had severe pnd with DS and am in the midst of the same now. I have medication but it's taking a while to kick in. My main obsession last time round was sleep - naps in particular. DS was high needs and wouldn't be put down at all, never slept in Moses basket and until 5 months only ever napped on me having been rocked to sleep, or in the car.
I'm most scared about managing naps for DS as obviously I can't do the same for her. Every time I rock her I feel like I'm failing because she's not just drifting off on her own.
I don't have family on hand to help; my mum was going to come and stay more frequently but my step dad had a stroke just before DS was born so she now can't help. All my friends are back at work, so I'm feeling pretty isolated.

I was going to reduce DS's nursery days, but feel so incapable I'm keeping him in 4 days a week. I feel terribly guilty that I can't manage when so many people do. I know that I'm lucky to be able to do this.

DS is mostly lovely with his sister but is very sad and emotional and I feel awful that I've ruined his life.

Sorry for the pity post - any advice, support or success stories are welcomed.

Shelduck Wed 26-Nov-14 13:30:23

Bless you, you sound really down! I don't have any experience yet, but DS2 is on his way, and i have very similar worries about how i'll cope. I didn't have pnd with DS1 but i did have bad baby blues and really struggled with anxiety throughout mat leave. I remember feeling overwhelmed at how much having a baby changed our lives, and now that DS is a toddler and things are starting to get easier, i do sometimes wonder why i'm throwing myself back into the chaos!

Don't feel guilty, don't worry about not reducing DS's nursery hours. I think the reason you're finding it hard to manage because it just IS hard! So go easy on yourself. I'm sure you're doing a great job. As long as everyone's fed, and everyone's alive, and you're taking care of your mental health, then everything's fine. Remember, it's very early days, and it will all get easier. (And in a few months time when my DS2 arrives i shall be searching for this post to read my own advice haha!)

KatyN Wed 26-Nov-14 14:44:57

i hope I haven't misunderstood but do you have. 10 day old? If you are whatever is happening you are doing great.
With your ds you arare maintaining his routine while home goes a bit crazy with his new sister. I imagine that is great for him and the nursery staff are giving him loads of attention while you are a bit all over the place (because you have a new born). As for ruining his life, having a sibling is amazing. They'll love growing up together.

As for the napping, your little one will learn to nap, if you son is in nursery 4 days and I assume you have a partner at home at the weekend (huge assumption I've made thee) you only have 1 day a week to get through without priority for you dd's nap (and yours!).

Finally you know the medication will kick in soon... Just keep on trucking until then. I find it helpful to focus on a point in the future and think I'll be brighter by .... Maybe think about Christmas like that??

Good luck, congratulations on your two lovely children (just made another assumption there-shoot me why don't you!)

Kx

Scaredycat666 Thu 27-Nov-14 18:05:21

Thank you both for your responses - I am usually so together, so it's hard to feel so out of control. Your words of support are much appreciated.
I know that I just have to wait it out. X

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