What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10Find out more
Any other "serious" mums out there?(20 Posts)
Any other mums ut there who er on the side of "serious" (rather than "silly")?
I was chatting to a friend, a few days ago, and she was talking about how her mum interacts with her kids (Reception age and toddler) and not in a positive way. She said that her mum didn't make things "fun" and talked to the kids like you would talk to adults.
This struck a chord with me. I am a "no-nonsense", rather serious mum who doesn't tend to do "silly" or mess around. I also tend to mainly talk to DS like an adult (well obviously not exactly as you would talk to an adult, but...).
I highly respect my friend and think that she is a fab mum, so her comments made me doubt myself somewhat.
DS and I do have a lot of fun (doing lots of fun things, running around, climbing, swimming, going fun places, going to the park, racing, tickling, cuddling, rolling around, lots of talking, reading together etc) and we are very affectionate (lots of hugs, cuddles, kisses, snuggling up watching films, lots of "I love you" etc), but it is "silliness" that I struggle with. Neither of my parents were very silly, DH's weren't either.
Are there other people out there like me? Or am I a lone "stick in the mud"
You have just described me! I wasn't worried at all but I am now
My parents used to be silly, play practical jokes and make fun - mostly I remember it making me feel really awkward (I don't like to be teased) so I think it just depends on personality. It wouldn't be natural for me so I think I will just have to take DD's lead on silliness!
I'm not sure what you mean by silliness if it isn't covered by: fun things, running around, climbing, swimming, going fun places, going to the park, racing, tickling, cuddling, rolling around...
Rolling around with your kids is being silly, isn't it? In a good way, I mean!
Sorry Shootthemoon - definitely didn't mean to make anyone else feel worried. I didn't feel worried really either until my friend said that... She wasn't directing it at me (at all), but it made me think. Yes, my parents teased too and I HATED teasing (and still do). They used to tease and tease and tease until I snapped and then I was in trouble. Blooming hated it.
Strongandlong, yes, I can be silly in that way. But I am not silly when trying to get things done: i.e. I ask DS to do something, then tell him (I don't make a game of things). I don't tend to sing. I don't dance very much (maybe if Strictly is on). If DS is trying to hide instead of getting ready for bed, I don't tend to play along (I am focussed on getting DS into bed, rather than falling for or encouraging more delaying tactics). Generally I "hurry along" instead of "playing along" (DS is almost 5 and always being distracted). We don't sing along in the car or have kiddie music/stories in the car (I have the radio on).
I guess that my friend uses games to distract and hurry along (or get compliance), whereas I am no nonsense and just ask/tell.
I think it's just a personality thing then; maybe an extrovert/introvert thing.
Your DC's sense of humour will develop too and you can be led by him, but at least he won't have memories of being teased and wound up!
You sound like a really loving mum OP, my mum never cuddled us - ever. She just shouted & drank until she couldn't stand.
Honestly, you sound wonderful & I think your children must feel so secure
Yes, Shoothemoon, I am sure it is my personality trait. I am quite shy too. DS is not! But that is not a bad thing, since he helps to bring me out of my shell (you can't really be shy when you have a 4/5 year old...). You are right, DS's personality is coming out and he does make me laugh/giggle. Hopefully he will show me the way to become a bit more silly/relaxed. Children teach you so much.
Thanks Woodenheart. That is very sad - cuddles are so lovely. Hope that you get lots of cuddles and understanding these days. DS is incredibly confident and secure and independent. I am always there for him (I am very lucky and don't work. He is an only child, but not by design - 3 years of trying, and two rounds of IVF, and no luck so far). I just hope that my seriousness doesn't make him too dull and serious like me.
I am serious too. And hate playing role-play games so avoid where possible. I worry sometimes but I think it's best to be who I am and not pretend to be someone I'm not. The DC have grandad to be silly with.
Yes, I suppose I didn't know how other families were, so it seemed 'normal'
I have DD 19 months, & tell her I love her
every hour a lot, and lots of cuddles with her. Im probably a bit silly too
I am serious. Now my eldest is 7 there's more silliness, but that's because we can share humour more. It's much easier now he's old enough to get irony.
I think it's OK. Their dad makes up for my lack of silliness by being an overgrown toddler!
Not sure what the 'I am always there for him' comment is all about
I work.my children are also confident, secure and independent.....
Nishky, it is a separate sentence (separate statement). I have not said that my son is confident, secure and independent because I am always there for him (because I don't work). The two things are said in different sentences and are two distinct things.
Thanks, other posters, I will try not to over-think. I think that it is true that he will show me the way somewhat (and I should let him). I definitely do find things easier now DS is older (and talking and further developing a personality): he helps me to look at life differently.
My DH talks to (2 month old) DD like she's adult ("Oh dear yes I see what the problem is here, some wee has leaked out onto your trousers") whereas I babble like an idiot ("ooh has little bean done a boo boo?").
She's getting interaction from both.
As an adult she'll meet introverts and extroverts, jokers and serious types ... I think it's an advantage to get used to grown up voices young and not assume they're scary!
I would say I'm naturally inclined to be fairly serious because I'm quite a quiet and introverted person. However, I do use a bit of silliness from time to time when the situation dictates! I would say you're quite lucky if you have a 5 year old who can be simply told what to do and then they do it. I have 3 kids and also childmind. Some of the kids can be told in a pretty straightforward way to do what needs to be done, others it turns into a battle royale and it's a heck of a lot easier to just make a game or a distraction out of it.
Your approach obviously works well for your child and you clearly have a lot of fun together - if you're both happy then you don't need to question anything you're doing!
I'm pretty serious and introverted too. I can't/don't have the energy to make everything into a game and I kind of feel like DD has to learn to do stuff she's told to do rather than only do stuff because I expend the last of my precious energy on making a game out of it.
That said I have an amazing extroverted friend who loves being silly with her DS and my DD and can get my DD to do (and eat) almost anything by making a game out of it. DD also laughs with her so much more than when it's just me and her which strikes a chord occasionally.
I guess it's personality types and if serious is in our genes then that's just how we are. It doesn't make us better/worse parents, just different characters. :-)
I'm quite serious by nature too. DP does quite a bit of silly, tickly, throw-them-around stuff
which sometimes gets them over excited. I sing a lot and maybe dance, but I am just not a high-energy, giggly type of person.
But neither of us tend to play games or make things fun when it comes to the kids acting up over getting dressed, eating etc. Sometimes I feel we are too strict and should be humouring their free-spiritedness, as they sprinkle peas on the floor or refuse to put on their clothes. We might make it playful to get them to do it in the first place, but if they are not doing as they are asked, and they are doing it deliberately to oppose us, I suppose I see making it into a game as a reward of sorts. Just put the damn vest on already (is what I think, but don't say out loud).
whevs like you I'm quite serious by nature and my youngest DD (4.5) absolutely refuses to get dressed for school unless I make a game of it. I also feel that I'm rewarding her bad behaviour as she ups the anti every day and I have to jump through more and more hoops just to get her to do stuff she should be doing anyway. I find it incredibly frustrating!
Thank you very much - It is very nice to hear that I am not alone in my seriousness... I know that I am not a bad parent and I do try incredibly hard to ensure that DS has a fun, very happy and very loved childhood. I just can't do that "turn everything into a fun game" thing...
Yes, I am very lucky that DS is understanding and compliant and generally pretty good (with a mischievous edge). He has never been a tantrumer or overly emotional sort (although I have worked very hard to discourage it, I think he is naturally pretty easy going). I think that there might be quite a "serious soul" in DS too (nature/nurture), but hopefully not too much! I look forward to learning more from him
Aw dont over think it you sound a lovely mum.
Join the discussion
Please login first.