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DD 'left out' in reception

(8 Posts)
Riceball Tue 25-Nov-14 09:41:43

DD says the girls she made friends with are now 'leaving her out' and running away when she tries to join them. sad

I asked what she did when this happened and she said that she played with the some other friends.

I mentioned it to the teacher who said she hadn't noticed anything but this morning when we got to school, DD ran to talk to these girls and they all turned away and ignored her. This broke my heart, even though she was fine and went to line up at the school door by herself instead.

I'm probably being overly precious because I was bullied at school and can still remember how awful it felt. sad

BarbarianMum Tue 25-Nov-14 11:35:06

Friendships are very fluid in reception. Some children can be unintentially mean, others enjoy exercising their power over others.

All this means that your dd, like all children, will experience friendship difficulties (can probably cause some herself along the way). Your job is to help guide her through it and to remain clear-sighted enough to work out when to step in.

So, as your dd isn't too upset about these girls behaviour you should be (outwardly) breezy too: 'Oh that's not very nice. When someone doesn't want to play, the best thing to do find some other people to play with.' Asking the teacher to keep an eye on things was a good idea. Maybe encourage some new friendships too. Hopefully this will all smooth over - either your dd will make new friends, or next week she may be friends with her old friends again. At which point the cycle may, or may not, repeat itself.

I think the best thing to do at this age is to keep reminding them what a good friendship looks like (your friends are the people you like who treat you well) and encourage them to make good choices - play with people whotreat them well, avoid those who don't.

Riceball Tue 25-Nov-14 12:16:35

Thanks so much for the wise words. That is basically what I've been doing and what she herself said that she did.

I needed some perspective grin

BarbarianMum Tue 25-Nov-14 12:23:57

Voice of bitter experience is what it is grin

I have spent the past 5 years worrying about my dc being bullied at school. To date, it has never happened although various friendship issues have strewn some thorns along the way.

Dh just keeps chanting: if it happens we'll deal with it, stop worrying.

Riceball Tue 25-Nov-14 12:39:24

Yes. I think my DD is totally different from me and unlikely to have the same experiences. That doesn't stop me worrying though smile

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Tue 25-Nov-14 12:48:09

Wise words from BarbarianMum I always try to bear in mind that friendships is one of the things they are learning about and they will all make mistakes along the way.

All schools are different but I know that in my dcs' school reception had their own playtime and were supervised by the TA who would keep an eye on things and gently make sure noone was being left out.

I know first hand how your own experiences can colour the way you see things - it's so hard not to! But it's important for our dcs that we try to separate the two issues - but you sound like you are aware of that anyway OP.

whevs Tue 25-Nov-14 13:07:08

argh it's heartbreaking isn't it? My dd is in reception and I've observed the same.

I also see her coming on too strong (she gets a bit loud and in-your-face) and other kids being put off by that.

I want to run in and shriek 'MUMMY WILL BE YOUR ONLY FRIEND!!!' but that, ahem, might not be a good idea.

FWIW I have watched closely and seen it happen to other kids too (the snubber becoming the snubbed etc), it does all seem very transient.

I am not keen, though, on the 'best friends' thing starting this young... which seems to be mostly encouraged by the mums, I must say (cue pics on FB #inseperable etc hmm)

Riceball Tue 25-Nov-14 13:35:32

ROFL at the run in shrieking plan, whevs.

When I spoke to the teacher she seemed glad I'd mentioned it.

I just want DD to feel that school is a 'friendly place' which I am sure she does.

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