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Really need some "outside" opinions!

(4 Posts)
chan321 Sun 23-Nov-14 22:54:23

Not sure I'm posting in the right place but here goes....

My daughters dad is a complete and utter selfish child!

We've been together 5 years and have an 11 month old daughter. He's been selfish from the start and never really bonded with her until a couple of months back. I went back to work (nights) at the beginning of August and he started moaning how he doesn't see me etc etc etc when really it was because he was lazy where our daughter is concerned so I left my job, got a daytime job where I work 2 shifts and a sleep in shift. He text me about 2 hours ago saying how stressed he is because E (my daughter) won't go to sleep, he's struggling, can't get anything done, wants me to come home. My mum offered to take her so I told him n he threw a paddy saying do I really think he's that pathetic? ! Well yes when ur ringing me at work because our daughter won't sleep when it's ur damn fault for missing her bed time routine because u listen to ur mother too much!! Grrr. Any time I have to go anywhere he goes to his mum's at the earliest opportunity because he's lazy and selfish and I'm so sick of it. He's taken to ignoring my texts now because he's got the hump because I suggested he take her to my mum and now I'm stuck at work on the sleep shift knowing I won't sleep because I'm worried about E because he gets stressed at her. Just so not fair sad

Sorry for the rant. I just really need some views and opinions because this is the latest in a very very long lost of selfish acts!!

mum9876 Sun 23-Nov-14 23:01:31

My dh had to do a 12 hour shift with dd from 12 months. I made him a list of things he had to do, including feeds, nappy changes, walks. All in a timetable. It took him a while but he got more and more confident. He was just really scared he'd get it wrong at the beginning and it would harm her.

He used to do the whole, I can't get her to sleep, only you can. But over time he learnt to do it and realise I wasn't there to help him.

I don't know if your's is lazy fart or lacks confidence. On the offchance, could you increase his confidence by telling him he's doing amazingly well (even if he isn't).

I have to say it's been a long journey, and I never, ever came home to a tidy house and a meal after a 12 hour shift, but dd and him are like two peas in a pod, a force not to be reckoned with.

chan321 Sun 23-Nov-14 23:12:40

My partner is lazy. It just gets me down and frustrated when he's ringing me saying I'm stressed I don't know what to do etc he does know what to do he just wants Me to be the one to do it!

mum9876 Sun 23-Nov-14 23:45:39

I think you just have to be firm - I can't help you now. I can't just walk out of work because a baby won't go to sleep.

If anything it's about accepting that the ball stops with him.
There is nobody else to help him. He has to get that dc to sleep or stay up all night with them.

I wouldn't offer your mum's help. This is his dc.

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